3 - Feminine Boy to Gay Man: a Conversation With Arty Morty

Quick Notes:

Arty Morty* found it very difficult to grow up as a feminine boy amongst his peers. In this episode he explains how difficulties in his social and family life shaped his identity development. Ultimately, he came to accept himself as a gay man and he touches upon the new concept of gender identity and how it might have impacted his identity had he been a teen today.

*Arty Morty is a pseudonym 

Links: 

Arty Morty on Twitter

Arty Morty on YouTube

Rupert Everett on Childhood Dysphoria

The Man Who Would Be Queen by Michael Bailey

Extended Notes

• Who is Arty and how has gender touched his life?
• Arty has always been a feminine boy growing up. He grew up with his mother and his sister.
• Arty remembers one of his very first memories (at the age of 2) was him wanting to be one of Charlie's Angels.
• Arty’s father was in the army and he died. This made his mother very opposed to weapons and violence.
• When Arty went to school, his feminine nature became a huge problem. The children thought he had AIDS.
• When Arty’s family moved to a smaller town, the bullying got much worse. Not only was he a sissy boy, but he was a city nerd.
• Male figures frighten Arty. They were too rough and always wanted to fight. Arty had a lot more fun by having female friendships.
• Arty would have a fun time playing one-on-one with boys, but the moment another one showed up, they had to reject him and take on a more masculine role.
• Were there any other boys in Arty’s group that are now gay?
• Because Canada is such a hockey country, which is very violent in itself, a lot of the men Arty grew up with thought this behavior was normal.
• It’s the Canadian identity to watch people beat each other up.
• Arty was getting teased, bullied, and beat up regularly at school. He had enough. He ran away from home at 15.
• You see in the media how men act a certain way. Arty knew he would never be one of those guys. He knew that the world had no place for him.
• No matter how much gay acceptance there is in the world, it will always be hard for a teenage boy trying to find his way.
• People say being gay is an identity. It’s not. It’s a physiological reaction.
• There still isn’t proper representation in the media. Yes, there might be gay characters, but they’re a trope and not a real representation of gay people.
• Are gay men attracted to masculine traits?
• Some gay men have a total rejection of gay culture. Arty explains a little bit about the gay ghettos you’d find in cities back in the ’90s.
• There’s a lot of ambivalence when you discover there’s something different about you.
• When did Arty come to terms with his sexuality?
• If Arty was 15 today, how would he feel about coming out today?
• In today’s climate, Arty would identify as trans if he could at that age. He would have wanted to undergo a sex change, but he’s glad he has the body he has today.
• Not all feminine boys become attracted to the same sex.
• Although being gay has been decriminalized, it still feels like we’re living in the early days.
• How should parents react or best approach their child’s gender nonconformity?
• Finding yourself is hard. It’s part of being human.

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