Smart Loving–Byron & Francine Pirola–Choosing to Love (Byron and Francine talk about the difference between liking and loving. The marriage vow says nothing about being perfect or even likeable. The vows we made were to love each other all the days of our lives. Liking is a subjective encounter. Whether we like or dislike something or someone is as much about us as it is about them. It's really about the emotions we experience in the presence of that other person or thing. Being unlikable is not equivalent to being unlovable. Our likability relates to what we do. Our lovability is a function of who we are. Emotions can be managed, but they can't really be chosen in the same way as we can choose our actions or our words. On the other hand, our decision to love is most definitely something over which we do have control. Love is not dependent on the emotions. Love is not a trade or quid pro quo. It is not exchanged only on condition that the other's actions make us feel good or their present being likeable. We can make a choice to value the other as God's beloved son or daughter, even when we don't like them. Love is always a choice. And in marriage couples commit to choosing to love every day, most especially those times when we may otherwise dislike each other.)
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