Will God Let Me Divorce My Narcissistic Spouse?

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Being in a marriage with a narcissist can leave you feeling like you've got only two choices: resign yourself to a life of misery or pack your bags and leave.

 

Before you make a decision that will change your life forever, I want to talk to you about three categories to consider when contemplating a divorce from a narcissistic spouse.

 

With a multitude of twisted scriptures, it can be difficult to determine the most biblical action for your situation. So by the end of our time together, my hope is that you will have greater peace in understanding God's will for your situation, and that you will have an answer the question that I get asked more than any other question--will God let me leave my narcissistic spouse?

 

To do that we need to address three categories: the justified, the baseless, and the plausible.  

 

The first category is going to be the most important to dive into but be careful not to automatically assume that you fall into this category, as most don't.

Category #1: the Justified  

These are the people who have a justifiable reason to leave the marriage.

The first justification is found in Matthew 19:9 where it states that we shouldn't divorce except in cases of infidelity. So, the first justified reason is when there is betrayal in the marriage.

 

Infidelity is a justification for divorce.  You’re not in the wrong.  You’re not sinning against God.  You’re free to leave.  You don’t have to, but you’re free to.   

 

Within the church, that's where you'll find that justification stops—no infidelity, no recourse. But infidelity isn't the only time where God allows for divorce.  

 

The next is abandonment.1 Corinthians 7:15 states, But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you[b] to peace.

 

Yet another reason is neglect or abuse. Narcissistic relationships are defined by the selfishness of one partner at the expense of the other. So instead of using scriptures like "God hates divorce" as a weapon, perhaps we should acknowledge how much God hates abuse. In fact, that scripture "God hates divorce" was written because the men were abusing their roles and discarding their wives at will.  

 

So let's talk about this justification of abuse.  Abuse can be defined as extreme danger or harm; physically, mentally or emotionally.  

To tell a victim of abuse that he/she needs to stay and suffer further abuse is further victimizing the innocent.  

Some may say that "no divorce" is a hard and fast rule in scripture. And I agree that it should not be abused, but we also find in scripture where there are many cases where the 'rules' are broken: 

 

·      Jesus talking to the woman at the well

·      Healing on the sabbath

·      David eating the showbread

·      Instructing Ezekiel to eat unclean food

 

We even see Abigail going behind her husband Nebal’s back because of his destructive behavior, all to save life.  

 

And we have scriptures that appear to contradict themselves like, turn the other che