#253 Sex IS a NEED for an Extraordinary Marriage

On Instagram, I saw a reel that stated "Myth: Sex is a need. Fact: Sex is a desire, not a need."

"All of us can live without sex; we cannot live without water, food, or belonging."

I had to disagree and responded: "It depends on how you define 'need'. For survival, no. For connection, bonding, and love -- yes, it's a need. Can you imagine if you're husband said, "You don't NEED me to talk to you. It's just a desire' and then went days, weeks, or months without talking because it's not a 'need'? You would feel pretty neglected. So if you want an extraordinary relationship then sex -- and talking -- are NEEDS.'

While the argument may be true that 'needs' are ONLY things that we can't live without -- water, food, belonging -- it's inaccurate when we're talking about the surviving -- not to mention the THRIVING -- of our marriage relationship.

Yes, people can live without sex. And talking. But an extraordinary marriage cannot.

Of course, there are extremes when sex in marriage is not an option (injury, postpartum, old age). But we're not talking about those rare instances. We're talking about marriages where couples CAN have sex but are NOT having it.

And I get it. As a woman who once *hoped* to find evidence that would convince my husband we never had to have sex again, I know how relieving it can be to believe that his need for sex is not real or is some how wrong or unrealistic.

But it's just not true. Men (and women) want and need intimacy, but for some (usually men) their deepest intimacy takes the form of sex. And that's OK! And when you learn to use both sex and communication together they create an eternal circle of connection between spouses.

Listen to this episode now so you can begin to see sex as an OPPORTUNITY for connection, not a burden or obligation. When you have this paradigm shift then everything changes. And you finally discover the key to building the relationship you've always wanted.

This topic is further expounded on with these episodes:

• #148 What Wives Need to Know about Husbands' (Sex Drive) and What Men Need to Understand about Themselves
• #150 The Sex-quel. Follow-up Sex Episode with Rachel Denning
• #151 What Husbands NEED to Know About their Wives
• #224 How (& WHY) to Have Sex 3-6 Times a Week EVEN with Kids, Businesses, Homeschool, Jobs, Activities, and More
• Masturbation & Cheap Sexual Acts are a Poor Substitute for Real Connection 

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