#171 You Ask, We Answer - 25

It's that time of the month where we answer YOUR questions...cause we love you!

ASK 1: How do you determine who to give a plus one? With plus ones for each single person, we are at about 360 guests - my parents are covering the wedding and don't seem to have a problem with allotting plus ones across the board. HOWEVER, I don't know how I feel about having a bunch of strangers at the wedding. For some of my friends traveling long distances, friends who won't know people at the wedding, and friends who have significant others, I am more than happy to give plus ones. But is it rude not to give them to some people?

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ASK 2: WHERE ON EARTH do you draw the line on the guest list?! I am getting into dangerous territory now. I feel like I am starting to consider people to invite solely because I don't want their feelings to be hurt. I am to the point where every time I consider one person, I think, "well, then that means I need to invite this person!”

I've obviously already accepted that this wedding is going to be massive, but I want the guest list to be meaningful and to really just include the most important people in my life. My fiancé brought up a good point as we were working on the list - he said "it's almost like we're trying to decide whether or not we want to talk to these people again". I don't want to just invite random folks for the sake of their feelings. What is a good rule of thumb once you get down to the outskirts of your circle?

ASK 3: Last but not least, is it completely taboo/rude to wait until after save the dates to invite certain people? I'm in graduate school and I have made some new friends who are not quite in "wedding invite" territory, but I could see myself wishing they were there by the time the wedding rolls around. Is there a tactful way to handle this situation?

ASK 4: I have a dream. And that dream is... “when you get the save the date and know you can’t come please tell us k thanks.” Is there precedent for this? Total guest list: 315 A List: 256

Very real number of people on the A List that won’t come (family/parent’s friends) and know they won’t come months in advance: probably 30

I would like to put those 30 B List people on our A List! AND would prefer not to wait until two weeks before the wedding when it’s tackyyyyy to invite them.

The text line I have in mind for the STD, in tiny print on the back:

“Know in advance that you won’t be able to join us? We will miss you! Please kindly send your regrets, as this will help tremendously in our planning!”

Links We Mentioned

https://UnboringOfficiant.com/BigWedding

https://www.hitchswitch.com promo code: BIGWEDDING

https://hellonoemie.com/bigwedding for 50$ off your first purchase with promo code BIGWEDDING

https://zola.com/bigwedding for your free wedding website and 30% off invites and paper orders

https://www.facebook.com/groups/TBWPP/?source_id=1020006734764802 The Big Wedding Planning Podcast Community

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