Episode 35 – Handling Feedback and Criticism with Grace

Is it hard for you to accept constructive criticism without getting defensive? This episode is for you! Work Mom Lori Jo Vest shares her advice for handling feedback and criticism with grace.

Themes discussed in this episode

• Try the eagle’s eye view perspective
• Be mindful of how you receive feedback
• Is it a hill worth dying on?
• Learn lessons in the feedback
• Own your failures AND successes

Episode Highlights

Timestamped inflection points from the show

2:00 – Eagle’s eye view: When you get negative feedback, pull way back and look at the situation from a wider perspective. Can you look at the feedback in a way that brings out a positive feeling? If you start doing this, you’ll create a pattern of behavior so you never get crabby about feedback.
5:00 – Let it go: If it’s not a hill worth dying on (which it almost never is), it’s always better to let go of your ego, not fight the critique, and accept the feedback.
5:45: How you receive feedback matters: Are you overly dramatic or sensitive? You WILL lose credibility with your team because they know it’ll become a fight if they offer any feedback.
6:20 – Lessons: What lesson are you being taught when you’re critiqued? Whether you’re learning how to keep cool or that you’re not always right, you can learn tons of valuable lessons when you receive criticism.
8:00 – The work isn’t yours: In a corporate environment, it’s essential to remember that the work you’re doing belongs to the company or client – not you. If you can keep that in mind, it’s easier to accept feedback and be collaborative.
9:00 – Defensiveness never works: If you start getting defensive, take a quick break to calm yourself down. Defensiveness immediately creates barriers between you and the other person. Instead, take a breath so you can accept criticism with a calm mind.

Top Quotes

2:00 -You may have incredible talent and you may be doing a really, really great job. But the person that’s responsible for receiving your work has a different perspective than you do.
2:20 – If you pull back on an eagle’s eye view of what’s being discussed, it’ll make it a whole lot easier to handle it and to manage it with grace. And what I mean when I say manage it with grace is by being the person that is steady, that doesn’t get knocked over by criticism or negative feedback, somebody who’s able to keep a nice emotional even keel.
4:30 – Collaboration and accepting and incorporating other people’s points of view into your work is what builds relationships in the workplace.
5:15 – Is the concern, the criticism, whatever’s being brought up, is it important enough to you that it would be an appropriate hill to die on? Most of the time, the answer to that question is no.
6:00 – Learn to receive the lessons in the feedback, even if it’s just in keeping your cool and giving up some of your egoic feelings. What is the lesson? What are you being taught when you’re being confronted like that?
10:00 – If you really want to get in someone’s good graces and create a strong relationship, ask them for feedback when the project is over. How did I do? Is there anything I could do to have managed this better, more efficiently and in a way that better serves the team.

Links

Connect with me on LinkedIn. Order my book!

Transcript

0:00
Hello, everybody. I’m Lori Jo Vest, and I’m so glad you chose to tune in to this episode of Work Mom Says, Don’t Be an Idiot.

Today, we are going to talk about how to handle feedback and criticism with grace. It is not easy. And as a young professional in the workplace, you will receive a lot of criticism and feedback, positive and negative. People will critique your work.

And one of the things that I say right off the bat here that I want you to remember is feedback is love. Feedback is what people provide to you as an opportunity to improve your work. Now, are they always right? Maybe not. If they’re superior to you in their position, you want to listen.

1:00
So, basically, I want to encourage you to consider feedback, criticism, and conflict from what a friend of mine recently called the eagle’s eye view. You want to pull way out from what you’re looking at, what’s happening at the moment, that negative criticism that you received from your coworker or your boss. You want to pull way back and go, okay, let me look at this from a wider perspective.

If I’m not coming from my ego, can I look at this feedback in a way that actually brings out a positive feeling in me? A lot of people struggle with feedback because they know they’ve done a great job or they’ve worked hard on something, and they’re really attached to the work. So put a pin in that and hang on to it for a second.

2:00
You may have incredible talent and be doing a really, really great job. But the person responsible for receiving your work, elevating your work to the next level, turning your work into the client, or whatever that means has a different perspective than you do. And sometimes, things may come out that are kind of frustrating.

But if you pull back on an eagle’s eye view of what’s being discussed, it’ll make it a whole lot easier to handle it and manage it with grace. And what I mean when I say manage it with grace is by being the person who is steady, who doesn’t get knocked over by criticism or negative feedback, somebody who’s able to keep a nice emotional even keel. That should be what you work toward whenever you’re in the office.

So, I’m going to share a quick little story. It was one of the most interesting pieces of feedback I ever received on my work. While it really didn’t make a lot of sense to me at the time, everybody else in the room agreed. So we had to go through it, and I had to accept it.

3:00
I was writing social media copy for an ad agency for a brand that was targeting women, women at midlife. And one of the things that we women in midlife suffer from is being overweight. Um, it’s really easy to gain weight as your hormones change, that kind of thing.

And so, I had created a social post that had a little quote on it and it said, basically your dress size is no more important than your shoe size. And that was the quote and it was on a little graphic and it was implying that you, you know, we don’t really think about, we don’t ask people what their shoe sizes are. We don’t lament that our shoe size is bigger than the person sitting next to us, you know, in the movie theater. We just don’t worry about it.

So I thought it was a great quote. I thought it worked really well for our audience. And one of the art directors in the room said, what about people who have big feet? And the whole room got quiet. We were reviewing the copy. The whole room got quiet. And I said, well, hopefully there aren’t very many of those people who would be offended. Well, I turned into it, you know, 10 minute discussion and, And I said, okay, let me find a new quote because it wasn’t worth fighting over.

4:00
When I pulled back and looked at it with, you know, with a wider view, I realized it wasn’t something that I needed to fight over. It wasn’t something that was going to be worth making a production about. And then if I could just put my feelings aside and, That, you know, that’s kind of silly. I mean, I’ve never heard anybody beat themselves up about having big feet, but then I don’t have big feet. So maybe I’m missing something.

So anyway, put that aside and keep moving. That is what we do in the workplace. Because one of the things that you always want to prioritize is that connected, positive relationship. Collaboration and accepting and incorporating other people’s points of view into your work is what builds relationships in the workplace. You want to remember that. You want to always put that top of mind when you’re in the workplace.

Because what will happen is you will develop a pattern of behavior that when you receive criticism or, you know, a nasty comment at the office, you’ll pull back. go, is this really something worth fighting over? No, it never is. It might be something worth negotiating over with a calm, clear head, but no criticism is ever worth getting bitey or crabby about. It’s just not.

5:00
So be mindful of how you are receiving the criticism. Are you being overly dramatic? Are you not feeling good? So maybe you’re a little more sensitive than you usually would be. Is the concern, the criticism, whatever’s being brought up, is it important enough to you that it would be an appropriate hill to die on? Most of the time, the answer to that question is no.

Next question to ask yourself would be, what would happen if you just let it go? If somebody said, I really want to do it this way, and you go, oh, it should be done that way, and they come back again and say, I really want to do it this way, Is it worth fighting for? And what would happen if you just let it go? A lot of times that’s the better option.

Fighting for small things, especially if you’re a person that’s kind of sensitive, if you fight about a lot of things, you start to lose credibility with your team because they won’t want to talk to you about things, won’t want to bring up criticism, because they’ll know that they’re going to be in for a fight.

I think a lot of us have worked with that person who’s always got the negative thing to say, or you make a suggestion and they’re not open to it. Don’t be that guy. Don’t be that person who doesn’t know how to accept feedback or criticism with grace. It’s really important to your success.

6:00
So another great way to look at it is to learn to receive the lessons in the feedback, even if it’s just in keeping your cool and giving up some of your egoic feelings. What is the lesson? What are you being taught when you’re being confronted like that? And I will tell you the shoe conversation, I won’t forget it for, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it because it hit me as so incredibly ludicrous. And everybody else in the room said, yeah, we should probably not use that quote.

So I was like, all right, the lesson is you’re not always right, Lori, that’s your lesson. And giving up my ego and just letting it go was absolutely the right choice. So, um, learn to receive the lesson, um, use it as practice for keeping your calm as practice for say, you know, for staying in a positive space when maybe something negative is going on around you or you’re being criticized.

7:00
And the other thing that really plays into this whole, um, being sensitive to feedback is a lot of times if you’re being seriously sensitive, you’re being what I call too precious with your work. Like it’s your work, you own it. You wrote it or you created the spreadsheet or you made the, you know, the website, whatever it is that you did. And you’re really proud of it.

And then somebody comes in and the first thing they say is, you know, that color is a little off or that’s the wrong font or, you know, why didn’t you put this other calculation in here? Why doesn’t this spreadsheet have six more columns with this information?

8:00
Well, the way I would encourage you to look at your work in a traditional corporate environment is you are being paid by someone else to do it. So it’s really not your work. It’s the company’s work. And the company is asking you to be collaborative with your team. So not being precious with your work and just giving it up to the team once you’ve created your first version or your first draft. And then going immediately into collaboration mode will help you better handle that. criticism, feedback changes, that kind of thing.

So last but not least, one of the most important things you can do to be able to handle feedback and criticism with grace is to own both your failures and your successes. Don’t get defensive. Defensiveness never works.

9:00
If you feel yourself getting defensive, take a couple of deep breaths, maybe say, you go to the ladies room or the men’s room, walk around the hallway. Just say, I’m just going to take a quick break. Hold on a second. I’ll be right back.

They don’t have to know that you’re just outside in the hallway, walking around in circles, but do whatever it takes so that you aren’t defensive because a defensive posture immediately creates barriers between you and the other person that you’re communicating with, you don’t want to do that. So accept the criticism gracefully. Thank you so much.

10:00
And if you really want to get in someone’s good graces and create a strong relationship, ask them for feedback when the project is over. How did I do? Is there anything I could do to have managed this better, more efficiently and in a way that better serves the team. And if you go back and even ask for more feedback and input, then it’ll become a habit and you’ll become the kind of person that is always looking for input so that you can truly collaborate and also truly do your best work.

Doing your best work in a corporate environment is a collaborative process. You get input. You put out output. That becomes someone else’s input. It’s a collaborative world that we live in in our careers.

11:00
So think about those things. Let me know if there’s any other advice I can give you. In that area, or if you have any questions about handling criticism, I would love to do an Ask Work Mom episode. So please feel free to send me any questions you have. Our website at workmomsays.com has a contact form that will allow you to ask me any questions you’d like.

I also am an open networker on LinkedIn, so you can find me there, connect with me, send me a private message. Happy to engage with you. Just mentioned that you have Listen to the Work Mom Says podcast.

12:00
I’m also looking for reviews. We are on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, all the different podcast platforms and would love a couple of stars if you enjoy what we’re doing here. Drop me some stars and show me some encouragement. And send me your topics. Send me your suggested guests. I’d love to hear from you.

So that’s all I’ve got for you today. Thank you so much for listening to Work Mom Says. Don’t be an idiot. Where we like to teach young professionals how to play the emotional contact sport of business so you can experience less drama and more success. See you next time.

Who is our ideal listener?

This podcast is for young professionals, so they can learn to play the emotional context sport of business and experience less drama and more success.

The ideal listener is anyone struggling on an emotional level in the workplace. Work Mom Says it helps you learn to be strategic at work. This means you can look at the big picture without getting lost in the weeds. How can you be more logical and less emotional? Be strategic, and Work Mom Says can help you.

“I tell people to back up, put down the magnifying glass, and look at the big picture when you’re responding to something,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom. “In doing this, you will understand that what’s really upsetting you right now will be something you don’t even remember next week.”

What value can people get from listening to this podcast?

Listening to Work Mom Says can help you grow your mood management skills, grow your ability to reframe situations, and look at things from a strategic point of view. This makes it easier to go into a work situation and get the most positive results.

On Work Mom Says, we also offer tips and tricks for creating connected positive relationships that last over time. People will want you on the team if you can create connected positive relationships and work environments. You become an asset, and you will be more successful when you’re an asset.

“I also like to talk about developing traits like optimism, persistence, tenacity, stick-to-itiveness, sticking with things, and approaching every project with a curious mind instead of a fearful mind,” said Lori Jo Vest, Work Mom

Why do I do this? A few more words from Work Mom

I do this because I naturally fell into the Work Mom role when I worked in the ad agency business and had so much fun with it. I also realized I had made just about every mistake there was to make. I don’t hold myself as a stellar example of truth and how you should be. I hold myself out there as someone who has been bruised, battered, and beaten up and learned some important lessons. I’d love to share these lessons with young people, so they don’t have to make those same mistakes or be the idiot I was.

I also want to help young professionals realize that many things our culture prioritizes aren’t really important. We talk a lot about what should be important and how to present your best face at the office so that you can succeed.

I’ve learned so much throughout my career, and it’s gratifying to share that with young professionals and help them avoid some of those mistakes and get to that success sooner.

Episode 26 – “The Origin of Work Mom Says (Plus a Sneak Peek at My Upcoming Book)” appeared first on Work Mom Says.

The post Episode 35 – Handling Feedback and Criticism with Grace appeared first on Work Mom Says®.