Corey Lyon Folsom: Successful Communication in Relationships – Part 1

Do you sometimes not know how to communicate with a loved one? Do you argue with your partner or feel like they are not listening to you? Whether in family and friend relationships, or in romantic relationships, there is a way to respond with more compassion and care. Our guest today is Corey Lyon Folsom, a highly regarded love and relationship coach and the author of his new book, “Soul Statements: A Love Coach's Guide to Successful Communication.” As a certified NLP practitioner and relationship coach, Corey is passionate about helping people expand their empathy and communication skills. After a spiritual soul-awakening in 2009, Corey participated in Ipsalu, Source School of Tantra Yoga, Love Coach Academy, Tony Robbins, and other programs. He has also been a professional tracker, wilderness guide, and vision quest leader. Corey offers tips and ideas to have much smoother, clearer communication in all of our relationships.

When someone is complaining or expressing having a hard time, he suggests really listening to what they have to say. Make the other person’s pain valid and try to not react immediately. This will help them feel heard.

In order to do this, it’s important to listen to yourself first. Corey talks about “filling your own emotional well.” You can do this by spending quiet time alone, having a strong workout, or visiting nature. It’s important to take time to listen to your own heart. This will help us feel calm and find strength in our center.

He also describes “Soul Statements,” what they mean, and how to develop your own. This will help with compassionate communication.  

Sometimes partners argue and money and finances can be especially challenging. He suggests people go back to their own values, as this gets below the outer circumstances. You can relate more easily when someone is not pointing the finger. Get to the emotions of what’s being felt. We can try to understand our impact on other people. Tell them how you feel, rather than placing blame on them. He talks about non-violent communication and the range of feelings.

Corey also touches upon caregiver fatigue and how it’s very common. He asks us to ask, “How can I bring more compassion?”

He also talks about the idea of giving and receiving. He suggests pausing before going into an event and spending a few minutes beforehand to ask what you can bring to the conversation. Then, afterward, you can do the same and ask yourself what worked and what didn’t in your communications.

He talks about writing Soul Statements and making them personal. How can you move beyond tension? How can you meet someone new and not have the same challenges as you do with others?

Corey also suggests going on a “complaint fast”  and taking a week or longer and not expressing complaints out loud. If you feel them, be mindful.

To be a better communicator, it’s important to be clear. Be authentic in your communications. Don’t share all of your concerns at once but be concise. Soul Statements are present time reminders. Traditional affirmations express a desired state. This calls in a future version of ourselves. A Soul Statement reminds you of what is true and good. When you have unhelpful thoughts like, “I’m not sure,” or “I don’t think I can,” you can do a Soul Statement like “My heart is a trusted guide,” or “There is strength in my center.” When you feel it, it’s so powerful. You feel the truth of it, and you remind yourself of your own strength. “Wisdom is at my center,” and “In my center, I am held in love,” are great ways to start using Soul Statements.  

They also talk about an owl feather that Lisa found on her recent bike ride and the profound wisdom of nature. They discuss the importance of silence, so that you can hear your soul. Bringing that to the relationship will further deepen communication.

This is Part 1 of the interview. Info: CoreRelationship.com