# 281 Are You a "Teen" Pleaser?

Have you ever gone all out to plan a perfect vacation only to be met with ungratefulness and rude behavior from your teens? Do you find yourself constantly trying to make your teens happy, often at the expense of your own needs and desires?

In this episode, Colleen O'Grady explores the phenomenon of being a "teen" pleaser—a mom who seeks to satisfy her children, often neglecting her own well-being in the process. Colleen shares stories from several moms who faced disappointment after their efforts to please their teens were met with ingratitude. She discusses the inherent beauty in a mom's desire to please but warns of the pitfalls when this drive goes unchecked. The episode delves into the concept of "The Great Exchange," where moms expect their efforts to be met with gratitude and good behavior and what happens when that doesn't happen. Colleen identifies four key beliefs that can turn a mom into a pleaser: wanting to give their kids what they never had, feeling guilty, fearing their teen's anger, and believing it's selfish to prioritize themselves. The negative impacts of being a pleaser are highlighted, including feeling like a bad mom, disempowerment in parenting, and fostering entitlement in teens.

Takeaways:

1. Recognize and Reclaim Balance: Moms need to acknowledge where they are out of balance and start turning their attention back to themselves. This includes understanding their emotions, setting clear boundaries, and practicing self-care.
2. Say No and Mean It: Learning to say no, even in small situations, helps strengthen the ability to set limits and regain control in the parent-child relationship.
3. Seek Support: Finding a trusted confidant or engaging in coaching can provide the necessary support to break the cycle of being a pleaser and foster healthier family dynamics.

By following these steps, moms can create a more balanced and empowered approach to parenting, ultimately benefiting both themselves and their teens.

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