How Can I Help My Anxious Spouse? (Marriage Unhindered)

Is your spouse struggling with anxiety? You may get down on yourself, because no matter how hard you try, you feel like you can't help them! Not to worry. There is hope.

 

Listen in for the full conversation—it’s an episode packed with wisdom for every couple navigating the ups and downs of life!

 

In this super insightful episode of Marriage Unhindered, Doug Hinderer teams up with Dr. Johann D’Souza, a certified psychologist and Harvard Human Flourishing Program affiliate, to tackle the topic of anxiety in marriage and how to best support your anxious spouse. Dr. D'Souza explains that it's important to not fall into the trap of making them overly dependent. Check out his advice below! 

 

🧠 Key takeaway: If your spouse is struggling with anxiety, Dr. D'Souza says that there are two things to keep in mind: "they're likely doing too much of one thing and not enough of another." For instance, they might be constantly seeking reassurance, asking, "Is everything going to be okay?" And while it can be tempting to say, "Yes, everything's fine," Dr. D’Souza warns that this fuels dependence. Instead, reassure them by showing confidence that they can handle it. 

 

Here's where it gets interesting: Don't swoop in and do everything for them. 😅 Sure, it feels good to be the hero, but constantly "saving" them can make them more anxious in the long run. Dr. D’Souza points out that much like a parent swooping in for a child, this can create a kind of codependency. So, let your spouse know you’re there for them, but also give them space to grow their own confidence.

 

📢 What to say: It’s crucial to maintain a tone of support and encouragement. Instead of jumping in to fix things, use language that reassures them of your belief in their ability to overcome challenges. Dr. D’Souza says something as simple as, “I believe you can handle this,” can go a long way in helping your spouse face their fears.

 

😬 Avoid filling in the gaps: One big red flag? Avoiding tasks or situations that make the anxious spouse uncomfortable. While you might be tempted to "help out" by doing those things for them, it’s essential not to. This only reinforces the avoidance and can make their anxiety worse over time. Encourage your spouse to take on these challenges head-on while you remain a supportive presence.

 

🌪️ The Emotional Spiral: Anxiety is a wild ride, and Doug likens it to a downward spiral. Worry about one thing leads to worry about another, and before long, the anxious spouse might even be stressing about how their anxiety is affecting the relationship. So, it’s important to keep calm and patient through these tough moments.

 

🗣️ Communication is key: While men might be tempted to say, “Just get over it,” (classic, right?), Dr. D’Souza points out that what your spouse really needs is to feel understood. Sometimes, all you have to do is listen and show empathy. That simple acknowledgment of their discomfort can often be enough to help them through it—no grand gestures or problem-solving required. 💬👂

 

💪 Teamwork Makes the Dream Work: Doug stresses that overcoming anxiety together as a couple is much more effective than dealing with it alone. When both spouses work as a team—encouraging and supporting each other without fostering dependency—progress is usually quicker and longer-lasting. God is with you! 

 

So, next time your spouse is feeling anxious, remember: show confidence, encourage them to face their fears, and be the calm, reassuring presence they need (without always being the rescuer). 💖

 

 

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