EU 240: Teen Anxiety and Time-Efficient Parenting: How are You Showing Up?

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As parents—especially high-achieving mothers—we must reflect on how we show up for our children.

Welcome to a pivotal episode of Empowered and Unapologetic! I’m your host, Veronica Cisneros, and today we’re addressing an urgent issue: teen anxiety and the essential role parents play in managing this crisis.

As we recognize Suicide Awareness Month, it’s crucial to understand how anxiety and depression increasingly impact our youth.

Summary

• Teen anxiety and depression are on the rise, and it is crucial for parents to understand and support their teens during this challenging time.
• Validation is key in helping teens feel seen and heard. Parents should provide dedicated, uninterrupted time to listen to their teens’ concerns without judgment or criticism.
• Open communication channels and ensuring teens know they can talk to their parents at any time is essential for building trust and strengthening the parent-teen relationship.
• Parents should seek help and resources if they feel overwhelmed or if their teen is struggling with anxiety or depression. Therapy, parenting groups, and books can offer guidance and support.
• By implementing time-efficient strategies and actively engaging with their teens, parents can make a positive impact on their teens’ mental health and overall well-being.

Understanding the Crisis

As a clinician, I often encounter teens battling anxiety and depression, which is particularly heartbreaking for parents who believe they’re providing a better life than they had. Many parents struggle to grasp why their seemingly well-supported children are experiencing anxiety. A staggering 30% of high school girls have seriously considered suicide, with even higher rates among LGBTQ+ teens. These statistics highlight an urgent need for awareness and understanding; they represent real lives and real struggles.

“We feel like we are providing our children with a stable environment. We really feel like we’re covering all bases. I mean, they have a childhood way better than ours, right? And so yeah, what do our kids have to complain about? What do they have to be anxious about?” – Veronica Cisneros

So, what fuels this rise in anxiety among teens? Factors like social media, academic pressure, and global uncertainty contribute significantly. However, what stands out is the profound isolation many teens feel, even when surrounded by family and friends.

Real-Life Examples

To illustrate these struggles, I want to share a few examples from my practice:

1. The Mediator: One 14-year-old client lives in a chaotic home where her parents constantly argue. She feels the need to mediate their conflicts, which overwhelms her. Although she struggles academically and is hesitant to ask for help, her parents remain unaware of her severe anxiety and self-harm issues.
2. The Isolated Student: Another client feels deeply lonely despite her parents’ belief that she enjoys school. She spends her lunch breaks alone, avoiding social interactions due to insecurity. Her slipping grades and emotional turmoil go unnoticed because she doesn’t want to add to her parents’ stress.
3. The Overwhelmed Athlete: A boy who seems to have the ideal setup with a stay-at-home mom feels immense pressure from his parents regarding his sports performance. This constant scrutiny leads him to self-doubt and substance use as coping mechanisms.

“So the minute she gets into the house, she creates this lie. She’s afraid to open up to her parents. And one of the primary reasons she’s afraid to open up to her parents is because she sees the amount of stress her mom and dad are both under. They’re both working parents. And there is a great amount of struggle.” – Veronica Cisneros

These stories reflect a broader trend: many parents are blissfully unaware of their child’s struggles. It’s essential to recognize that no parent can achieve perfection; I certainly have faced my own challenges balancing a busy schedule with the emotional needs of my family.

The Importance of Validation

Effective parenting isn’t about spending every waking moment with our kids; it’s about the quality of the time we do spend. A fundamental aspect of this quality time is validation. This means creating a safe space for your child to express themselves without judgment. It involves listening to their concerns, rather than immediately trying to fix their problems.

For instance, I once walked into a heated argument between my daughter and husband, and my instinct was to jump in. However, I realized that this need to “fix” situations often stems from discomfort. Instead of listening, we tend to control the narrative with solutions, which can drive our children away.

Reflecting on your interactions, ask yourself if you’re providing a space for open dialogue or inadvertently pushing your child away. Remember, teens often feel inadequate, both at school and at home, leading them to retreat further into isolation.

“There’s work to be done, obviously. There’s therapeutic work that needs to be done. But I’m able to identify what the child’s needs are, what the teen’s needs are through active listening, validation, and truly developing an understanding of what it must be like to live in their shoes. I’m not trying to one -up them. I’m not trying to change this feeling.” – Veronica Cisneros

Building Connection

So, how do we foster connection with our teens? Here are some practical strategies:

1. One-on-One Time: Schedule dedicated time with your child that is genuinely uninterrupted. This could be a walk in the park or a simple coffee date. The goal is to engage in meaningful conversations without distractions.
2. Creative Communication Tools: My family enjoys a “tin of questions” where we ask thought-provoking questions during family gatherings. We also practice “two goods and a bad” at dinner, allowing everyone to share their highs and lows. These activities encourage open communication about school and friendships.
3. Bedtime Rituals: Prioritize quality moments before bed, like saying a prayer together or discussing the day. These simple acts can prompt meaningful conversations and help your children feel secure and connected.

Remember, your children need to know they can rely on you for support. This isn’t a critique of your parenting; rather, it’s about recognizing that the strategies we use must evolve. Just as each child is different, so are their needs.

“But your kids need to know that they can count on you. And don’t get me wrong, I know, I’m not saying you suck as a parent. That’s not what I’m saying at all. So for those of that are going there, bring it back. Bring it back. I’m not saying that. What I am saying is if your child is experiencing anxiety, instead of trying to fix them, let’s understand where this is coming from.” – Veronica Cisneros

Open Communication

Ensure that your teens understand they can approach you at any time. Creating an open line of communication can significantly impact their willingness to confide in you. Reflect on your own childhood experiences—did you feel heard and supported?

Many parents struggle with their own stress, making it hard to recognize when to intervene or give space. It’s essential to respect your child’s need for solitude while also being available when they seek your advice.

When your child shares a problem, ask if they want feedback or if they simply need someone to listen. Often, they may just want to vent, and establishing trust can lead to more significant conversations down the road.

“It is so important. I’ve had so many parents that I’ve had to have a come to Jesus conversation with because their child was struggling with depression for over a year and the parents did not know. Like I mentioned earlier, one of the parents didn’t even know their child was cutting, had no clue. Kids get creative when they have to. To bring our discussion to life.” – Veronica Cisneros

Seeking Support

If you feel overwhelmed, remember it’s okay to seek help. Parenting teens through anxiety isn’t a journey you have to face alone. Resources like therapy, parenting groups, and informative books can provide valuable support.

“Your presence has a profound impact on your teen’s mental health.” – Veronica Cisneros

One success story from my practice illustrates this well. A mother brought her daughter to therapy, initially believing she was just introverted. However, through our sessions, the daughter began to articulate her feelings, regain control over her life, and establish healthy boundaries with her peers. This transformation occurred without medication, emphasizing the importance of parental involvement.

While not every case follows this path, your presence can profoundly influence your teen’s mental health. The strategies I’ve outlined here are not just theories; they’re practical, actionable steps to improve your relationship with your child.

Final Thoughts

Thank you for joining me today in this crucial discussion about teen anxiety and the parental role in addressing it. By tuning in, you’ve taken the first step toward becoming the supportive anchor your teen needs. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey—I’m here with you. Together, we can navigate these challenges and foster healthier, more connected relationships with our teen.

At Outside the Norm Counseling, we’re here to support you. Visit us at www.OutsideTheNormCounseling.com to learn more about how we can help you navigate these challenges.

TALK TO A THERAPIST

If you’re feeling stuck and ready to explore these challenges more deeply, consider reaching out for professional help. Here at Outside the Norm Counseling, we’re here to support you on your journey to self-discovery and confidence. For more information, go to Outside the Norm Counselingor call us at 951-395-3288.

Thank you for joining me today. Remember, you are beautiful, you are worthy and empowered. Until next time, stay unapologetically you. Bye for now.

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Meet Veronica Cisneros

As a leading authority in women’s empowerment and a fierce advocate for building strong networks, Veronica is your go-to guru for turning fears into victories, struggles into strengths, and doubts into boundless opportunities.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist for 10 plus years; empowering high-achieving women in business to conquer both professional heights and personal fulfillment. She doesn’t do bandaids!
Veronica has a unique approach to overcoming obstacles and smashing through the glass ceilings that loom over ambitious women. With her arsenal of practical tools, actionable strategies, and unwavering support, Veronica doesn’t just help women succeed in their careers – she helps them thrive in every facet of their lives.

But Veronica’s expertise isn’t just theoretical – it’s personal. With over 24 years of marriage, three daughters, and a soaring career, Veronica embodies the resilience and determination needed to navigate life’s challenges. As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Group Private Practice Owner, of Outside The Norm Counseling, Marriage Coach, and the voice behind the Empowered and Unapologetic podcast, Veronica effortlessly guides women to challenge themselves beyond their comfort zones.

Veronica is more than an expert – she’s a partner in transformation, turning mundane relationships into true connections. With her relatable charm and infectious humor, Veronica illuminates the path for women who refuse to settle for anything less than success in both business and relationships. Through practical tips, heartfelt anecdotes, and her trademark wit, Veronica empowers every woman to cultivate unbreakable bonds without sacrificing their ambitions.

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