RE 103: Why I Quit Drinking

Shane with 3 days since his last drink, shares his story….. Paul starts the show off by listing his reasons for quitting drinking: I wake up eager to start the day I’m not lying to myself anymore Because It’s a progressive disease and I know the pain and misery that awaits I do not have a beer gut anymore  THIQ was being deposited into my brain after every binge drinking episode which made it harder and harder to stop I do not want to get dumber.  I want to get smarter. Most alcohol tastes like moldy tootsie rolls I was sick of telling myself “One day we are going to ________” Alcohol is one of the most dangerous drugs in the world and it kills more people than any other drug combined I was failing as a dog owner… big time I do not wonder if I have Alzheimer’s anymore Because alcohol is shit, total and complete shit Money is neat, and I have a lot more of it now I do not black out anymore, I’m only on this planet once and I don’t want to miss a thing I haven’t had a serious physical injury since stopping drinking. That would be a torn hip flexor doing Limbo in 2012. No joke No more black eyes Sometimes I feel “High on Life”  A diet based on calories from alcohol doesn’t work. I’ve tried it I put an Altoids in my mouth because I like the taste, not to mask the vodka on my breath No more cavities - In those blackouts, brushing my teeth wasn’t a priority for some reason My face no longer looks like a swollen pumpkin I quit because one day I would like to share my life with a very special person. Slim to no chance of that happening before My standard poodle Ben looked at me to go play on a beautiful summer day in 2014 and I was drunk in bed at 3pm on a sunny afternoon. Those eyes broke my heart. Ben, I am so sorry Alcohol was my best friend and it turned on me I couldn’t stop drinking once I started I found I needed more and more alcohol to obtain the same effect  I quit drinking because I heard the Brave Heart soundtrack for 3 weeks straight - When it wasn’t playing, it was in my head I wasn’t free Alcohol determined where I worked, who I hung out with, when I went to bed and when I woke up Music didn’t look like much of anything  I want to look at myself in the mirror in the morning and say “Hey, I know that guy!” I do not want to go to rehab, but if I do, I’m going to Thailand I want to stop living a life of life or death. I would probably commit suicide within 5 years and I’m not really living. It’s been 8 years since I got a black eye at a bar… by a girl Girls like me now-well more than when I was talking to them cross eyed and blacked out I was sick and tired of being sick and tired My body doesn’t randomly ache anymore My right elbow hurt when I swam for about 7 years. Not anymore I can now run a 7:30 mile - three of them in a row actually  I do not want a DUI… okay another one Alcohol is shit. Did I mention that already? I saw Guns and Roses in Bolivia and remembered it. I saw 311 at Red Rocks and do not remember any of it. I’d like to remember concerts in the future. I wanted to stop blaming others for my problems Ulcers are painful, and I’ve got a several ulcers due to a compromised immune system I do not want to go to jail… okay go to jail again Shovels give me blisters, so I decided to quit digging… See what I did there? I’m AHDH and being in the moment is something I struggle with,  now I’ve got a shot My parents just retired and I can fully be there for their golden years Alcohol wasn’t cheap. Per the Recovery Elevator tracker app I’ve saved $11,867  I’ve learned to get to it, you need to go through it. Today, I feel uncomfortable feelings at face value and lean into them instead of jam them into a box only to have them explode and an inopportune moment, like my best friends bachelor party My stomach hurt from laughing 4 times 2016; from 2007-20014 that number was zero This is going to sound lame but it’s the truth. At about 6 months without a drink, the childhood feeling that I can do anything I put my mind to had returned… and is still here… watch out stigma I don’t want to kill myself anymore. That’s pretty cool eh? I watch my favorite episodes on TV instead of being the lead actor in the drunken episodes  I can play 4 Third Eye Blind Songs on the Guitar. Okay, 3.5 Stars. Holy shit. Have they always been there and so bright?  It is liberating to not need a mind altering substance at social functions Depression and anxiety are unpleasant feelings. They still lurk around at times, but not for nearly as long nor as thick Turns out I do not suck at kickball or dodgeball.  I was too drunk to kick or dodge the ball Being a business owner overseeing a staff of 22 is easier without a splitting headache In sobriety, I’m learning that that guy Bob was on to something and everything is gonna be alright – Hey Mon! Problems pertaining to money have pretty much dissolved Anxiety = 98% better now Shirley Temples, I have rediscovered, are the best drink known to mankind The people that I surround myself with are my true friends, not drinking friends Binge drinking in airport stalls and then throwing up in the boarding line was miserable. I want to enjoy 100% of my vacations, instead of around 30-40% I still get depressed, but no longer than a couple days. Before, it would be for weeks/months. Because today is the best chance I have at staying sober.     SHOW NOTES   [ 8:58 ] Paul Introduces Shane.  When was your last drink?   Shane – My last drink was on Christmas day (which was 3 days ago at the time of this interview).  These past 3 days have been tough.  I’ve been doing a lot of sweating.   [ 11:00 ] When did you first realize that you had a problem?   Shane – I received my first DWI when I was 18.  That was my first time in jail and it was horrible.  When I first starting drinking I thought I had found my soul mate.   [ 13:08 ] Tell us a little about yourself.   Shane – I am 32 years old and from California.  I like to play tennis, golf and travel.  I like to do anything outdoors.  Booze took away the fun I used to have in these activities.   [ 14:26 ] Did you ever try to put rules in place in order to control your drinking?   Shane – You name the rule and I have tried it!  I tried to limit myself to specific types of alcohol but would always forget the rule once I started drinking.  The best rule you should remember is to just not drink.   [ 17:50 ] What is so different now?   Shane – I did not chicken out when I thought of calling Paul.  I try to live in the moment and stay busy.  I also try not think too far into the future.   [ 19:45 ] What was your bottom?   Shane – 1 bottom was that I was mentally draining my family constantly.  Other bottoms were all of the 4 times I ended up in jail.  I was basically blacking out my entire life.  Alcohol made me feel like I was going crazy.      [ 24:40 ] You have mentioned a few times how bad going to jail was.  Whose fault was it that jail was so bad?   Shane – It was my fault that I had ended up in there.  But the guards were really harsh.  The other inmates were fine.   [ 25:40 ] What have you lost to alcohol?   Shane – I’ve lost many days of my life and plenty of girlfriends.   [ 26:40 ] What happened this past Christmas day that made you want to stop drinking?   Shane – I’ve wanted to stop drinking for years.  It had just become too exhausting to continue.   [ 28:50 ]  How have you gotten 3 days so far?   Shane – Right now I do not feel like I am white knuckling it.  I am not going to AA.  I’ve had bad experiences with church in the past and AA has too much religion in it.  Praying to a higher power does not work for me.   [ 31:53 ] Rapid Fire Round What’s your plan moving forward? Staying busy, listening to podcasts and U-Tube videos on recovery What was your worst memory from drinking? I was punched in the face by a girl What’s your favorite resource in recovery? The support of family and friends What’s the best advice you’ve ever received (on sobriety)? If you are comfortable than you are not growing, do not become stagnant water What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Do not give up on yourself.  Be true to yourself.  There is hope. You might be an alcoholic if……. you wake up with pee in your pants and you are not sure if it’s yours!   Resources mentioned in this episode: www.alcoholmastery.com (by Kevin O’Hara) Recovery Elevator Retreat Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free Sobriety Tracker iTunes Sobriety Tracker Android Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to info@recoveryelevator.com     “We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!”