Uncharted 311
Written for television by: Karen Campbell and Sharon Goss
Directed by: Charlotte Brändström
As always, my initial thoughts and links of interest are below. You’ll need to click and listen to the podcast to hear my full and thoughtful commentary. Enjoy! I did.
Starz Synopsis: After making a leap of faith, Claire washes up on a seemingly deserted island where survival is her only option. Navigating treacherous waters has crippled the Artemis, so Jamie devises a joyful moment for his crew in the midst of devastating setbacks.
My Summary: Claire washes ashore after jumping overboard. After her clothes dry, she walks, and walks, and walks. She sleeps until fire ants wake her. She walks some more, she sleeps, a giant snake wakes her. She walks and passes out near a home in the jungle. She’s wakes tied to a bed. An angry woman gives her water. She sleeps. She wakes to meet a priest, who unties her. She’s told she cannot travel yet. Mamacita (angry woman) sends her to bathe. They have a meal. The priest is defrocked and Mamacita is his mother-in-law. His wife is dead. The Artemis is dead in the water, some of the crew are dead. Jamie and others are mending the mast. A roasted Arabella gives Claire hope. She runs through the jungle toward the beach. She injures her arm. She sees the Artemis about to set sail. The mirror she stole attracts attention. Jamie comes to shore for her. Yi Tien Cho sutures her arm while Jamie drinks wine. A small peace is made between Claire and Marsali. There’s a beach wedding. Fergus is formally adopted by Jamie. Claire eats turtle soup while fevered. Injects self with penicillin. Drunk on soup she won’t take no for an answer. Yi Tien Cho is pleased at the soup’s after effects.
What happened:
Oh, I love turtles. Aha, foreshadowing. She really can sleep anywhere. Watch out for the wave… Swim Claire swim. You can do it. How fortunate her pack of clothing made it to shore before her. Now I want an umbrella drink and a chaise lounge. Where’s Waldo? More umbrella drinks por favor. The Rule of Threes for Survival is a real thing. She walks. The most delicious leaf water of all time. I predict fair Claire is getting sunburnt. Anyone else wish she had Samwise with her? And she walks. FLINT oh yes. Buh bye bum roll. She’d totally win the Survivor fire challenge. Claire’s mellow is harshed. Adrenaline and pain will wake you up. Freaking A fire ants! And she walks. Please someone hand her an Eos. JHRC spoiled coconuts. One does not simply go to Mordor. And she sleeps. Claire’s mellow is harshed again. This time a big ass snake. It’s not safe to be awake, it’s not safe to sleep. Damn this island. And she walks. I hope she gets there to return the precious. Crocodile bones. Hm. Could this mean something? She hears and sees a man, and promptly says, “I can’t even,” and passes out. Hey angry woman she needs to sit up to drink. Did this just take a Misery turn? Salve on her legs and tied to keep from scratching. Uh oh, the devil’s zipper. Claire wakes to a man and a dog. Father Fogden of Hacienda de la Fuente. Water does a body good. “I’m a doctor, not a saint.” It’s a miracle. Baby goat in the house. San Domingue, Haiti. Well, hey, hey Coco. Or rather cuckoo for coconuts. So, who is this Ermenegilda? Angry woman = Mamacita. Cow? It’s better than being called a whore for a change. A warm bath. Heavenly. Except for the ram skull watching over her. Baby goats are so cute. Does the food taste of anger and resentment? Relationship status – It’s complicated. Relationship status – widowed. No sangria to full cups of sangria that no one poured. Mamacita is full of side eye. He got weed! Yupa doesn’t exist. Mamacita needs some weed. So now she’s a whore Mamacita. Claire the thief. Poor lovesick and grieving Father. Dude, this is my story. Hit the road Jack. Claire speaks the language of Coco. Arabella is in their bellies. That’s some freaky sh*t right there Padre. Abandawe, you say? Bloody hell the woman did see. Chinaman? Run, Claire, run. The Artemis is undergoing repairs. Raines, Warren, and Murphy are dead. HayLie are no AngPurt. How handy one of the men can man the helm. Claire runs. Hurry Claire. They did a right quick job of the repairs. She made it to the beach bleeding and with the mirror. Ah Uncle Lamb’s training no doubt. I-spy with my spyglass, Sassenach. Settle down T-Rex, she cannae hear you. Is this a kissing book Grandpa? Yi Tien Cho to the suture rescue. Claire spills. Nice job Yi Tien Cho. A wedding is planned. Please take this fowl for my ignorance. “There was a time when I was a stranger in a strange land.” Forgiveness and weed. A sign of kindness between Marsali and Claire. I want to enjoy the secks like you and daddy. (Even if you are a hoor Mother Claire) “He’s missing a hand.” “Not as though he’s lost his cock.” “If ye’d hurry up and get on wi’ it, I could find out.” “You have a name too? And a cock? I cannot marry you without it, it’s not allowed.” Fergus Claudel Fraser. The adoption only took 20 years. AWWWWW sniff. Who doesn’t love a wedding? A beach wedding Laoghaire would lose her mind over. Claire and Jamie get to share a cabin finally. Claire is chowing down some soup. Fevered and drunk. Bring on the penicillin. Those damn tropical germs. Come on big man, just stab her wi’ it. I think that’s her thigh. Claire is randy. Turtle soup is an aphrodisiac. It’s been a while for the nipple eye stare. “You can’t get drunk on turtle soup.” “You can’t be drunk if you’re standing up.” “This must be what it’s like making love in hell. With a burning she-devil.” “Honorable wife, she enjoyed the turtle soup.” Go away Yi Tien Cho. If the cabin is rocking…. Yi Tien Cho and the duo are most satisfied with the outcome.It’s good to see stable Jamie back in fine form. Claire is strong and able without being overwrought. Yi Tien Cho is honorable and dependable. Finally, Fergus and Marsali (FergAli) are married.
For Book Readers: Seamless changes to make it fit this week. Finally, a Jamie who looks familiar.
What’s Coming up? Episode 312 The Bakra
The Artemis finally reaches Jamaica bringing Jamie and Claire that much closer to their goal. During a lavish ball on the island, the Frasers encounter old allies, as well as former adversaries who threaten to derail their mission. Bakra means slave master and is also a goat.
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The entire Outlander book series is written by Diana Gabaldon. You can find her on Twitter and Facebook.
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