The Strong Within Affirmation Podcast
Education:Self-Improvement
385 I’m Ok With Being Wrong For Us To Be Right | January 2018 Saturday Week 3
Synergistic Saturdays-#385 January 20th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast
I’m Ok With Being Wrong…For Us To Be Right
“In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”
~Theodore Roosevelt
I was in a relationship years ago where I questioned my sanity. Not because I was insane for going out with this person, but they made me question things I said. One of my ex’s strengths was truth, and we would get into some knockdown drag-em-out arguments…and usually about trivial things of who said what.
Take for example, we were sitting in the car arguing about something senseless that I can’t even recall what it is now. This is how silly it was, we were sitting in the parking lot of our favorite Mexican restaurant, as we went back and forth for 20 minutes. We were keeping those delicious tacos sad by keeping them waiting on us to come inside to eat them.
The whole reason the argument persisted, now get this, is because we were trying to tell back to each other what the other person said. If you ever want to go nowhere in an argument, try to prove to someone what they said when they thought they said something else. She said I said this, and I said she said that, and we kept arguing about who said what.
During my time dating this person I began to wonder if what was coming out of my mouth was different than what was happening in my head. To me I was wondering if I had some sort of speech dyslexia, and was mixing things up and saying the opposite of what I was thinking. I know sometimes I feel I have trouble relaying what I truly mean to people. And I’m sure we’ve all done that, where we were certain we said something, but mixed it up when it exited our mouths.
As I said, it was about 20 minutes, and I got tired of arguing as those tacos were calling my name, but really, I didn’t want to keep arguing anymore. I wanted us to get along and be happy in each other’s company because while tacos are always a great time…it wouldn’t be as much fun if we were still sour at each other.
I then immediately said, “I’m sorry. You might be right. I thought I said this, but maybe I said something else. Maybe there was a disconnect from my mind to mouth. But, yes you might be right, and if I did say it that way, I’m sorry.”
I felt like the main character in A Christmas Story…where for his homework he is to write an essay to his teacher about what he wants for Christmas. And he writes on why he deserves a Red Rider BB gun. And in his imagination, he sees the teacher giving him an A++++++++++++ for being the best essay that she has ever read. And that’s how my apology felt, I felt damn good knowing it was the best apology in the history of the world.
Now maybe I might’ve been wrong here and should’ve just let it go, but my objective wasn’t just about claiming responsibility for being wrong. It was for us to meet in the middle. So I said to her, I could be wrong about what you said, but I was pretty sure you said this, and it hurt my feelings.
Oh!!!! And that was the wrong thing to say, because we then argued more…and kept those delicious tacos waiting even longer.
I said to her, I don’t care who’s right or wrong, I just want us to meet in the middle and understand that maybe things didn’t happen how we’d observed them. That no one was at fault, but we might have misspoke…and she said, “NO!” quite firmly. She wouldn’t admit to something that she knew was right about.
And I persisted just a bit more, as I said, “yes I could have said what you thought I did…and asked her, so you won’t meet in the middle by saying we both could’ve been wrong about what happened? And she said, “NO! We don’t always have to meet in the middle. I know what I said, and to say anything different would be a lie.”
I decided to drop it. We weren’t getting anywhere, and that was really upsetting to me…
But not as upsetting as keeping those tacos from my belly, so we went in to go eat.
Now with this story, I’m not claiming to be the saint. Maybe I could’ve observed it all wrong since it is from my point of view and all. And I know that our memory isn’t always the most accurate, as it’s only coming from our side of things. But what happened in that argument was a switch flipped, and not the bad kind where people get more angry, but an awareness of asking myself, “what are you doing here?” And I knew immediately what I wanted to do, I wanted to meet in the middle, and end the argument. I didn’t want anyone to be wrong, I wanted us to step back and look at the bigger picture—did it really matter who was right or wrong…or was being right the most important agenda at that time?
And even though that plan didn’t work…it actually did work. I was able to step away from the argument seeing something in this person. I could see what was important to them, and I could see what I really wanted out of the situation. Even though I didn’t get exactly what I wanted, I got exactly what I wanted. I was able to find peace and clarity to be ok with saying sorry even if I didn’t have to. Making this person feel good was more important to me than being right. And if that wasn’t their agenda to want to help me feel good too, then that’s ok because I did what I thought was right.
And so it’s not that I won’t stand up for myself, or even argue to prove a point, but I’ve come a better awareness, I’ve found a switch that flips in my subconscious, that asks me, “is this really what you want to be spending your time on?” And when that happens, I immediately begin doing something different. I begin finding a way to exit the argument peacefully while trying to let the other person know I respect them and their point of view.
Again I’m not saying I’m perfect, or that I have it all figured out. What I’m trying to relay to you is that if you’re willing to become aware, if you’re willing to see a better picture than just being right, and if you’re willing to ask what’s more important more and more…then your subconscious will begin helping you do more of that.
When we can step back and ask, “is me being right worth the perceived reward, or is it more important to try and find peace and harmony within all my interactions, not just for the other person’s sake but for my sake?” I think with communication we miss a pertinent point. We think it’s about clearly getting our point across. But effective communication with other people is not about speaking clearly and being understood, it’s about finding a way to get what’s best for everyone…not just ourselves.
Today’s Personal Commitment:
What’s the most important thing for you in an argument? Is it about being right, or is it about getting to the best solution for everyone? When we can let go of being right, we can find better answers and more peace in our lives.
Sometimes I think we want to be right because it validates our worth in the world. To prove how smart we are, or that we have the best answers, or that we were the most observant…and so we want to show people and say, “look at how worthy I am.” But you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone; you already are worthy…sometimes we just don’t act it.
So think about some arguments you got into in the past and ask yourself why the arguments happened, what happened during the arguments, and how it could have gone better or not happened at all. I’m not saying we shouldn’t ever argue, but I’m hoping to help us all spend our time on things that matter most.
Some of those important things WILL be arguments that matter, and some will be letting go of arguments. I hope with this podcast that it will help to bring an awareness of treating everyone with a higher respect—to get respect we must give it, and sometimes it’s not about proving how right we are to get that respect…but being willing for everyone to be “right” in form or another. As we cultivate a tranquility within us, wanting everyone to win.
And when you can do these things, it will become easier to not have silly arguments and to be more conscious in your arguments that are important…as you learn to connect and rouse you subconscious more in helping you to awaken during these times and do what’s best in the moment.
I’m Ok With Being Wrong…For Us To Be Right
Thanks for listening. I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn
Contact info- email: chris@strongwithin.com phone:865-219-3247
Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
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