553 What if my metamour won't meet me?

What if my metamour won't meet me? My metamour asked my partner to uninvite me to an event he'd invited me to to avoid meeting me, and now I feel displaced.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

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1:00 Announcements

We had a great time at Southwest Love Fest April 6-8 We’re also debuting a new class, The Art of the Breakup, at RelateCon April 25-27 in Boise, Idaho

5:00 What if my metamour won’t meet me?

Nick from New Orleans wants to meet his metamours, but his partner’s lovers don’t want to meet him, and she would typically break up with them before he got the chance.

Figure out your own personal boundaries and how important it is to you. With the understanding that you can’t force anyone to meet you, express your needs and personal boundaries/limits around meeting metamours to your partner. Give her the chance to know your needs, which she can then communicate BEFORE she starts dating someone instead of after. Check out the Relationship Bill of Rights. 

Rose is a straight cis woman with two partners, one local, and one, Greg, who lives a few hours away. His other partner Alice is monogamous, out-of-state, only tolerates Rose’s existence, and refuses to meet Rose until Rose and Greg break up. Greg recently invited Rose to an event, and Alice asked him to un-invite her so that Alice could enjoy the event with Greg.

Relationship Bill of Rights. You can say “no” to the request, perhaps with a counter-offer that you take this event, and she takes the next one. Begin negotiations. You have the right to seek compromise. You have an equal say in what your relationship with Greg will look like. Same for your relationship with Alice. And you have a right not to be treated as subordinate to anyone else in the relationship. It’s important to discuss behaviors (Greg’s uninviting you) and the emotions you feel around that, but resist the urge to assume motivations behind Alice’s behavior. Having the hinge of the vee do all the communication with the edges of the vee is problematic. Every play “telephone”? Open communication will prevent a lot of drama.

24:00 Feedback

Anonymous asks if women experience a post-coital bliss state similar to that following male orgasm after a squirting orgasm.

27:30 Happy poly moment

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31:00 How to make this podcast better

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