* “Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! I don’t want to see any more pictures of your mom!” – Andrew
* Please [take this survey](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSde8TylR6XH4s6SYPXK3IB9Oi9avBK2sE_PWrLxARUoHv2ldQ/viewform) so we can help create the best Patreon possible!
* A Chicago bar stole our logo for their Millennial trivia night, so we’re giving away a free month of Patreon to Surprise Bitch! callers who prove their #lit knowledge.
* Apple hasn’t come out with a GrayKey condom to protect your phone from law enforcement (yet), but a new patch coming in iOS 11.4 will render the lightening port useable only for charging.
* The end is near(?) The US-North Korea summit will take place on June 12th in Singapore. A historic moment for sure – but will anything come of it?
* Texas is late (as always) to the gay marriage party, so a teacher has been put on administrative leave after telling students about her future wife.
* Android is adding new features aimed at decreasing time spent on mobile devices. I can haz feature to decrease student loan debt?’
And this week’s [After Dark](https://www.patreon.com/posts/18827199) is a grab bag of topics!
* Surprise Bitch! catches up with one our our favorite nEHbors to the north.
* What tactics do we use to power through procrastination?
* What are the most embarrassing moments we’ve ever had while dating? One of these stories involves a foot getting stuck in a toilet (no, really).
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