#26: Melissa Walker - Healing Our Sexual Fragmentation

Correction: I misspoke in my introduction to the episode. Melissa is not yet certified as a sex therapist. I apologize for any confusion. Sexual Fragmentation - what is it and how does it show up in sex therapy? Tune in today to learn about how Melissa defines fragmentation as it applies to sex therapy work, as she talks about the competing needs we all have within us. How do we get fragmented? Melissa answers this question, discussing how our sexual and social development from a young age is impacted by loved ones and society, often creating a wedge between our minds and bodies Fragmentation: positive or negative? Keep listening to hear why fragmentation is not necessarily a negative thing, and why it can, in fact, help us to explore and learn more about ourselves. Melissa delves into the fact that a large part of our psyche is in shadow. As we grow up, we are encouraged to critically think and explore so many different subjects and aspects of life; but generally not encouraged to explore or think critically about sexuality and intimacy. “We don’t know what we don’t know.” How does fragmentation present? Here we learn the key topics that Melissa’s clients often bring up and how people use shame or blame as a defense against things that scare them. Spend some time listening as Melissa talks more about the subject of fear in relation to sexuality. Working to heal fragmentation Hear Melissa explain how she approaches the subject of fragmentation with her clients by using body-centered therapy. She tells us that she uses not only the minds of clients but also focuses heavily on dropping down into the body, to the original place where many fragmentations originally occurred. Past memories and moving forward to healing Melissa answers the question: Do people need to remember the original incidences in order to heal? Join in to find out how she helps people de-identify with their stories and move them past the uncomfortable feelings and emotions they may experience in this journey. Erotic mindfulness The definition of mindfulness is listening to your arousal instead of following it blindly. This is one of the first things that Melissa helps her clients to develop a practice in, to help them get out of their head and focus on the pleasure of the body. Find out how it works when couples experience therapy and practice together. Trauma survivors and fear of getting in touch with the body Melissa outlines the impact that trauma can have on the body, and the gentle process that she uses to help people reconnect with those parts of themselves that may have become numb, so they can begin experiencing pleasure and enjoying sex again. Starting the healing process at home Find out some simple pathways to help you start this reconnection process at home by exploring things that already give you pleasure in ways that may not necessarily be sexual. Here, we learn about the expansiveness of sexuality as a generative force and how sex itself is just one component of sensuality. The final takeaway message Our podcast winds up with Melissa telling us her one most important take-home message to start bringing all those fragmented parts of ourselves together. You don’t want to miss this valuable message. Background Melissa Walker is a Body-Centered Psychotherapist specializing in sex and relationship therapy for both couples and individuals. Director for the Embodied Relationships Counseling Center, she graduated Naropa University in 2009 and combines her training with certification in Somatic Archaeology, Psychodrama, and Authentic Movement, teaching clients how to get in touch with their body and repair some of the fragmentation that occurs during their life experiences. Melissa now teaches Professional Orientation and Ethics at Naropa University. Links and how to contact Melissa Walker For more information on Melissa, including workshops talks, and to sign up for her monthly blog, visit: http://embodiedrelationshipscenter.com/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/