#42: Suzanna Mathews - Cougar-Cub Relationships

Using the Term “Cougar” To start this episode, Suzanna talks about the negative connotations surrounding the title “cougar.” There are considerable allusions to predatory behavior when the term is brought up. Of course, Suzanna was well aware of this and after much deliberation, she decided to still include the oft-controversial “cougar” in the subtitle of her book, Revising Mrs. Robinson: Navigating Cougar-Cub Dating and Relationships. To find out the reason why tune into this very fascinating episode. Researching Mrs. Robinson: Suzanna Writes the Book on Cougars When it came to researching a book about such a seemingly risqué subject, she tapped into both the entertaining and scholarly aspects of the topic. Discussing some of the minute scientific concepts in an enjoyable way, Suzanna delves deeper into elements of sexuality, gender roles, evolution, generational differences, and the role that technology has played in shaping sexuality in our culture. She touches briefly on these overarching themes in the interview, but to fully experience it, picking up a copy of her book wouldn’t hurt. Evolutionary Psychology In addition to the aforementioned elements that Mathews researched for her book, she talks about evolutionary psychology in a way that is as informative as it is enlightening. Talking about the female perspective, in particular, women have developed neurophysiological behaviors that can offer up insights into what Suzanna calls a “hyper-analysis” in relationships--one which often acts as a barrier for most women. For more on this crucial idea, listen to Suzanna further explain the concept from an evolutionary perspective. Ageism and Sexism Without a doubt, the things that Suzanna says about ageism and sexism in this episode are the crux of the whole topic. Because of the considerable age gap (often 15-20 years difference) between a cub and a cougar, issues of age are omnipresent--from a cultural perspective, as well as an internal, personal perspective in the minds of the women involved. Suzanna also makes some cogent points about the sexism that pervades the cougar-cub dating culture. Some Benefits to a Cougar-Cub Dynamic There are many benefits to dating older women. There are also many crucial reasons for an older woman to date a younger man. This includes being a potential palate cleanser from a previous relationship. For the juicy details, tuning into the episode is a must-do! The Possible Cons of Joining the Cougar-Cub Club Just as there are benefits, so too there are cons for this type of relationship. One of the most basic being that generational gaps are very pronounced; this might lead to discrepancies incompatibility, especially in the bedroom. Take-Home Messages and Other Advice from Suzanna Suzanna shares some advice and insights worth their weight in gold, one of them being the importance of women establishing a realistic baseline for body positivity. Because of the inevitable aesthetic differences between a young man and an older woman, it is of paramount importance for body positivity to be stressed relatively early in the relationship. Once a realistic baseline has been established, date away! For the rest, tune into the episode and listen along. Background Suzanna is Founder and President of Date Maven. Through this platform, she provides the invaluable service of coaching clients through the sometimes daunting world of dating and matchmaking. In addition, she is a keynote speaker, a brand-enhancer for the dating market, an image consultant, a writer, and an event planner. Lastly, Suzanna works as a presentation coach, where she gives advice and guidance to executives on how to speak clearly, persuasively, and powerfully. No stranger to presenting at big events herself, she is a frequent speaker at conferences worldwide. She has also made appearances on radio and TV programs, as well as made written contributions to digital and print publications. Regardless of the dynamic (group-work or one-on-one), Suzanna consistently manages to help her clients grow and improve their lives. And her work centers on improving the quality of her clients’ vision and ability to receive and give love. Her most recent contribution to the industry, a book entitled Revising Mrs. Robinson, is currently making considerable waves in the dating world. She has poured over the literature and data and analyzed both the cultural and personal implications of the cougar-cub dynamic in modern dating. Best Ways to Contact, Follow or Support Suzanna Mathews (Preferred means of contact: either email or her website) Suzanna’s email: suzanna@thedatemaven.com Website - https://thedatemaven.com Link for her new book, Revising Mrs. Robinson: http://www.amazon.com/Revising-Mrs-Robinson-Suzanna-Mathews/dp/1480826650/ Facebook - https://facebook.com/TheDateMaven And the promotional site for her book: https://facebook.com/RevisingMrsRobinson Youtube - https://youtube.com/TheDateMaven/videos Instagram - @thedatemaven LinkedIn - https://linkedin.com/in/suzanna-mathews/ More info: Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/