RE 219: Let's Talk Surrender

Sami, with a sobriety date of July 21, 2018, shares her story.

 

On today’s podcast Paul discuses surrender.  What does is really mean to reach a point of surrendering?  It doesn’t have to be complicated.  Surrendering simply means yielding to your next stage in life.  As Paul mentioned on a previous podcast, addictions are no more than sign posts in life, and surrender is when we fully accept them and make, what is most likely to be the most important change in our life, quitting alcohol. 

 

Once we reach that moment when we realize that there are no more ways to moderate, when we clearly see that any attempt at moderation results in a dumpster fire, we usually find ourselves saying things like; f*ck it, I quit, I’m done, or I can’t do this anymore.  If you’ve ever muttered those words then congratulations!  You’ve hit what Paul calls the ‘now what’ milestone, which is huge.  This is when we enter into a moment of clarity and surrender. 

 

Surrendering is not a one and done thing.  Surrendering is something you will repeatedly do as you continue on your journey in sobriety.

 

 

SHOW NOTES

 

[11:35] Paul introduces Sami

 

Sami is 28 years old.  She lives in Prescott, Az.  She has a 9-year-old son, 2 wiener dogs, and a cat.  For fun Sami likes to hike/wander around the woods, do yoga and is into crystals. 

 

[13:00] Give us a little background about your drinking. 

 

Sami says she comes from a whole family of alcoholics.  She had her first beer at the age of 14.  She remembers being jealous of her older brothers, at the age of 13, because they could party and she was too young.  During her teenage years she smoked pot more than she drank.  When Sami was 17 her mom, who had a drug problem, passed away.  At the age of 19 Sami got pregnant with her son. 

 

When Sami turned 21, she went out to the bars, got wasted, felt horrible the following day, and said she would not do that again.  And she didn’t, for about a year.  She split up with the father of her son, reconnected with a high school girlfriend, and started going out.  She says her drinking progressed from, ‘I’m not drinking alone.”, to bringing home beer to drink alone.  She tried to hide being an alcoholic behind liking craft beer. 

 

When her son started asking her how many beers she had had she realized that drinking may be an issue. 

 

[19:00] When your son started asking you that question did you stop and think…this might not be right?    

 

When he would ask her that she would get irritated. 

 

[19:55] What through the next couple years up until your sobriety date in July 2018. 

 

Eventually she was drinking every day, and also driving.   Drinking and driving with her son in the car.  April 14, 2014, she went to visit a girlfriend and they hung out by the pool drinking.  On her way home, swerving along the way, she pulled over to ask her son if he was OK.  He replied he was, she continued, and about a mile from home she saw the flashing lights in her rear-view mirror.  She was handcuffed, taken to jail.  Her dad came and picked her son up.  It was the worst night of her life…her rock-bottom.  

 

[25:40] Bring us up to July 21, 2018.   

 

She got her DUI and had a restricted driver’s license.  She still didn’t fully get it.  After the DUI and after drinking she asked a friend to go get her cigarettes and he got in an accident on the way.  She blamed herself for the accident…if she hadn’t been drinking, she would not have asked him to go.  This was her last drink.  

 

[28:55] Walk us through what happened after July 21, 2018.   

 

 Sami had to humble herself to ask for help getting herself to work and her son to school.  She had to get comfortable staying at home.  She started to learn more about alcohol and started to feel better 

 

 [32:15] Talk to us about how you got through the intense cravings in the early months. 

 

She had cravings but she learned that they are fleeting and that they would go away.  She started to realize that so many of the things she thought would not be enjoyable without alcohol were in fact more enjoyable.  

 

[35:25] How has your life changed without alcohol?

    

For the better.  She has more confidence and likes herself more.  She is a better mom and her relationship with her son is better. 

 

[37:45] What does a typical day in your sobriety look like? 

 

She wakes up, gets her son to school and herself to work.  Gets off work and goes home.  Goes to yoga some evenings.  She draws, reads and does a lot of art projects.  She stays away from things that may trigger her.  She surrounds herself with girls that are good for her sobriety.  She spends time with her family, who are also sober and understand. 

 

[40:24] Rapid Fire Round

 

 

When was your oh-shit moment?

 

I would say it was Christmas 2017.  I drank a bottle of Jameson and got so wasted I don’t remember if my son had any fun. 

 

What is you plan in sobriety moving forward?

 

I’m really excited about re-doing things that I have totally screwed up, like my son’s birthday.  Continuing my yoga practice and continuing finding myself. 

 

What’s your favorite resource in sobriety?

 

The Recovery Elevator podcast.  Tell Better Stories on Instagram. 

 

In regards to sobriety what’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

 

One day at a time.  If you’re going to drink again, play the tape forward. 

 

You might be an alcoholic if...

 

If you wake up in the morning and half to ask your 8-year-old son, “what the hell happened last night?”. 

 

 

 

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Resources mentioned in this episode:

 

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