70: DJ Burr [Personal Story] – Recovery Saved My Life

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, it is my honor to welcome DJ as he shares his personal journey with you. Having people come in and share the details of their life is one of the best parts of this platform! DJ is a therapist who works in the Seattle area. He specifically works with patients who are struggling with sexual addiction, codependency, and other process addictions. He is the best-selling author of I Just Wanted Love: Recovery of a Sex and Love Addict, and his story is one of bravery, honesty, and hope. Listen along and learn more DJ’s story! Key Moments in DJ’s Life That Led to Realization As DJ shares early in the interview, it wasn’t until he moved from Georgia to Seattle that he began to realize the extent of his psychological hang-ups. Before, he had moved from place to place in an attempt to run from his problems, but he soon began to grasp his compulsions with more clarity. While DJ was in Georgia, he experienced relationship problems. As he says during the talk, “when you talk about being gay in the south, you don’t get a lot of support.” And on top of this, same-sex marriage was illegal at the time, so DJ and his partner decided to move to Seattle. At this point in his life, DJ was exhausted from his caregiving profession. Being a natural caregiver, DJ had always found ways to give more to others than himself. But that certainly sapped a lot of energy from DJ. He needed a break! Soon though, he realized he had been in a dysfunctional relationship with his husband from day one. Hear this part of DJ story in his own words. Listen along! Other Problems That DJ Faced at the Time He says that he struggled with poorly established boundaries in his relationship, as well as codependency that manifested itself in a ‘fix-it’ mentality for DJ. He states that fixing people and things are all he’s always known. And so his relationship made it hard for him to shake that compulsion. DJ also talks about how difficult it was to have a partner who stored porn on a hard drive and who viewed it regularly, sometimes sitting right next to DJ on the couch. This negatively affected DJ’s self-esteem and desire to be available for sex. His insecurities got so severe that he says he was drowning his sorrows in alcohol and porn himself. All of this after his partner started regularly meeting up with a porn star for dinner. DJ discusses more about this time in his life during the interview. New Relationship, Same Scenario Shortly after moving to Seattle, DJ tells us that he and his partner split up. This was just 2 weeks after moving, so DJ didn’t have a job and tried his hardest to get enough money to move out of the apartment he shared with his ex. He got a job and then found himself in a new relationship. But it soon became the same old relationship dynamic he had always known. After he got married again, that’s when his sex addiction showed up. DJ’s Sex Addiction Once he was married again and living in Seattle, he and his partner decided to pursue an open relationship. They both were curious about the dynamic, and from within that framework, they embraced the lifestyle. DJ said he was immediately hooked. He and his partner had originally pursed outside relationships together, but they soon branched off and did their own thing within the set of rules they had laid out. But coupled with a drinking problem and an increasingly growing sexual appetite, DJ started to realize that he was in trouble. This realization came from a shocking physical confrontation and his spiral out of control. DJ’s Recovery Process Once DJ’s partner agreed to go to treatment for his alcohol addiction, DJ realized his struggles and addictions. He says that when he filled out the assessment for Co-Dependents Anonymous, he checked off every single box on the sheet of paper. He also started attending Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings as well. In a similar manner, he found himself checking off the majority of preliminary assessment questions. He said it was absolutely heartbreaking to have the truth right in front of him in black and white. It also led DJ to discover an event in his life that had opened up everything to him. His meetings brought the necessary context for him to have the crucial breakthroughs that he needed to have. For much more on the story, including how spirituality helped him recover, his work with helping people, his amazing marriage and son, and his happy ending, listen along! Key Links for DJ DJ’s website: http://www.djburr.com/ DJ’s podcasts: Journey On Podcast || Making an Addict Affiliate link for DJ’s book, I Just Wanted Love: https://amzn.to/2VcKLIB More info: Book and New Course – https://sexwithoutstress.com Web – https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/ Sex Health Quiz – http://sexhealthquiz.com/ If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/