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I’d been struggling with rejection during my stand, my wife didn’t feel “safe” around me, and for good reason. We talked here and there but only briefly, and only about our three girls. It felt so awkward being in the physical presence of my wife and yet shut away from her emotionally and physically. Dealing with a spouse who wants divorce and then living with her at the time was draining the life out of me.
I had no clue if all my praying and all my changes were doing anything for my marriage, but what I did know was my wife did not want me, at all. Not the type of physical attraction you experience with someone you feel good around. The rejection came off to me more like, “I choose to be sexual, just not with you.” A stage I wasn’t ready or prepared to be a part of, mainly in part because I was still very attracted to my wife. So much so, that when the feeling or attraction wasn’t mutual, I took other means to quell the pain...
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