Blog: Are you tired of pretending to be someone you’re not?
I believe that every person is actually two people: The person you really are (deep down, on the inside, where you think no one can see). And the person you think you should be in order to be liked, loved, and accepted.
Glennon Doyle (who wrote one of my favorite books of 2016, and maybe my favorite memoir ever, “Love Warrior”) calls that second person “the representative.”
Your representative is a version of you that’s sent into the world in your place. It’s a blander, less authentic person who stands in for you when it doesn’t feel safe to expose the REAL you. Your representative is the one who …
Plasters on a fake smile, when you’d rather be anywhere else than the meeting you’re sitting in. Doesn’t speak up, even when you’ve got an opinion, for fear of being judged. Knows exactly what to say to keep being liked and praised. Keeps you jumping through hoops, constantly trying to prove your worth. Has a bunch of acquaintances, but very few real connections.Most of us have been sending out representatives for so long that we can’t remember NOT having one. They spring to life for almost all of us at a VERY early age. And every time a representative is born, it ALWAYS emanates from the same deep fear:
Who you really are is not good enough.
In this inaugural blog reading, I’m (Rachel) talking about how to let go of your representative, and actually be accepted for who you are. This blog was originally published in October of 2016. I brought it back for our podcast launch because it touches on the themes of connect and belonging—things that kept coming up in our other episodes.
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Read the written version of this blog and leave comments here: http://clarityonfire.com/tired-of-pretending/
Glennon Doyle’s book, Love Warrior
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