Explaining Death To Children with John Fitzsimons

At 7.15am on Thursday, December 22, 2016, John Fitzsimons had to do the most difficult thing he has ever done, tell his beautiful two children Jack and Ella that their mum Grainne had died the night before, having battled Cancer for a long time.

“I sat down with her, and her brother came in and I just basically told them that their mum had passed away the day before. I was expecting all sorts of tears and tantrums but they were fine, and they were fine because I had kept them in the loop. I was incredibly well advised over the last couple of months about how to do that, and they took it in their stride. I remember saying to them, you can have a day off school today”

In this week’s podcast, he joins Venetia in studio to talk about the incredibly painful commonality that they share, the experience of telling their kids a parent had died. Is there a correct way to do it? From John’s own experience, Yes. Which is to be completely direct with your children about what has happened, an extraordinarily difficult thing to do for any recently bereaved parent.

John speaks about the special relationship that has been created with his kids since Grainne’s death, as he attempts to fill maternal and paternal roles in many aspects of the kids' lives. “Like doing her hair and stuff like that in the morning, I get to do these things that 95% of father don’t get to do, so I am very conscious there is a very strong bond between us now".

Both Venetia and John have experienced their own kids being incredibly resilient since their loss, but do question whether the younger ones have the ability to process their own grief at this moment in time. In an extremely frank discussion, they also discuss the often difficult realities of young widowhood. The loneliness, the need for a laugh, a companion and why Mondays are the new Friday’s.

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Music by: Nctrnm

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