Blog: When you don't speak up because "It's not worth it"

Tell me if you can relate to this:

You’re sitting in a work meeting, and someone says something you disagree with. You think about speaking up to share your opinion or different idea, but the little voice in your head says, "Ehh, don’t bother, it’s not worth it." (Then later, you kick yourself when someone else shares the same idea you had.)

Or you’re talking to your mom/sister/friend/spouse/etc., and they say something that totally rubs you the wrong way. You feel hurt, annoyed, and resentful, but when you consider bringing it up with them, you immediately think, “This isn’t worth making a big deal about. Just let it go.” (Except the next time that same person gets under your skin — and they inevitably will — the resentment shows up again, and it’s even bigger this time.)

Or your manager gives you overly critical feedback on an assignment, even though you worked your ass off to meet his impossible deadline. You want to stand up for yourself, but once again you think, “What’s the point? It’s not worth it.” (But later that night, you find yourself scrolling through job listings online.)

Sound familiar? I know it does for me.

As a recovering people-pleaser, I’ve been giving a lot of thought lately to what prevents me from speaking up, especially when I sense a brewing conflict or potentially uncomfortable conversation. I’ve heard this same phrase ringing in my own head enough times (and from enough clients, too) to feel pretty sure that I’m onto something…

GET ON THE VIP LIST FOR OUR NEW PEOPLE PLEASING COURSE!

Getting Over People Pleasing will be open for enrollment on Tuesday, August 20th!

This course will NOT be available 24/7. Right now, consider it a one-time thing. We may end up offering it again at some point, but likely not for another year. It will last for about 4 weeks, and during that time you'll get weekly video lessons and workbook prompts. There will be a forum so that you, and the other members of the group, can ask us questions and share your stories. This course is for people who want to bridge the gap between knowing what they should be doing, and actually doing it. Consider this course a fun-yet-challenging boot camp of sorts! We're going to help you heal some old wounds that keep you trapped in the need to please and get desensitized to the discomfort of things like setting boundaries, saying no, and speaking up for yourself. This course will be action-oriented. Yes, there will be some teaching, but everything we teach is going to be actionable. And we're going to hold you accountable for taking that action! By the end, we know you'll feel a LOT freer, calmer, more confident, and resilient. 

If you haven't joined our VIP list yet, please do! There will be goodies for people who are on that list when we launch the course.

IF YOU LIKED THIS EPISODE, THEN YOU’LL ALSO LOVE…

Side Chat: The 3 types of people-pleasers (& why you might unknowingly be one)

A best friend’s roundtable on people pleasing with Stacy Campesi & Joanna Platt

Dear Krachel: How do I say no without people hating me?

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