RE 243: Hope is the Problem

Patty took her last drink on July 19, 2017.  This is her story.

Update on the Alcohol is Sh!t book!  The book is out!  Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here!  You can get the Audible version here!

On today’s episode Paul talks about the two main sources of unhappiness and how hope is sending us barreling off a cliff.  On the surface hope is great.  But where is it located on a timeline?  In the future, not in the now. 

If hope isn’t serving us, then what?  Throttle back on the hope and lean into ‘this moment’. 

SHOW NOTES

 

[12:00] Paul introduces Patty. 

 

Patty is 665 years old and is originally from Fairbanks, AK.  She currently lives in Corvallis, OR.  Patty has 3 children in their forties and 7 grandkids.  She worked at a university for 30 years and is now retired.  For fun Patty likes to hike, kayak, and sailing. 

 

[13:55] Give us a background on your drinking.

 

Patty says she was 14 years od the first time she got drunk, and that she was a black-out drinker her very first time.  It wasn’t until she was in her 30’s that she felt she may have a problem; it was then she started to drink at home alone. 

 

When Patty was in her forties, she started to attempt to give up alcohol.  She would go a couple days up to 11 months, and that went on for about 15 years. 

 

[18:15] Was there a moment that it got scary for you?

 

In early 2017 she drove home drunk from the airport and realized the next morning how dangerous that was.  She says it scared her, that she could have killed someone, or herself. 

 

[20:50] How did you do it those first couple weeks?

 

Patty said she had a different mindset this time.  This time her mindset was one of, ‘I don’t have to do this (drink) anymore’, rather than, ‘I can’t do this anymore.’

 

[26:00] What are some improvements in life that you have experienced in a life without alcohol? 

 

Patty says she used to make a lot of plans and then not follow through with them, she doesn’t do that anymore.  She has signed up to get her pilot’s license, something that she has always wanted to do.  Going to the RE Bozeman retreat.  She has been a lot more physically active, instead of talking about walking the dog, she just gets up and goes. 

 

[30:25] What is something that you’ve had to go through in the last 2 years that you didn’t expect?

 

Patty’s mom died 3 months ago and drinking didn’t even seem like an option.  It was a real tough time, losing her mom and with family drama, but she was able to be present and she didn’t have conversations that she regretted later. 

 

[37:20] What’s the biggest thing you’ve learned about yourself in these last 2 years?

 

Patty says it’s that she in genuinely a happy person. 

 

[38:00] Was there a rock-bottom moment?

 

The drive home from the Eugene airport.  Also, on July 19 drinking with her daughter, who herself was struggling with alcohol, and her 16-year-old granddaughter. 

 

[43:00] Rapid Fire Round

 

What’s a lightbulb moment you’ve had on this journey?

 

That I don’t have to drink. 

 

What is a memorable moment that a life without alcohol has provided you?

 

Waking up early, I have just started taking a morning Pilates class. 

 

What is your favorite alcohol-free drink?

 

LaCroix, hands down.     

 

What is on your bucket list in an alcohol-free life?

 

I hope to live in Panama half of the year, and I’m working on that.    

 

What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

 

Definitely Café RE, and I’m a reader so I have every self-help book probably written since 1972. 

 

And what parting piece of guidance can you give to listeners?

 

Think it all the way through, and remember you just don’t have to drink. 

 

You might have a drinking problem if...

 

You consider dropping $100 at every airport bar as just part of your traveling expense. 

 

Upcoming retreats:

Asia Adventure – January 20-31, 2020

You can find more information about this event here

 

Resources mentioned in this episode:

 

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