WHYYYY??? Today we are getting into the juiciness of friend drama, the sources of it, and how to cut it out of your life.
Some areas that might bring up "drama" (these are SNEAKY and SUBTLE and not usually obvious)
1. Insecurities
Thinking "I'm not part of the group" or "they probably don't care" or "I'm not as _____" causes us to hold back or disengage out of fear. This prevents us from connecting, because we already believe that we aren't able to. We end up proving to ourselves that our fears are sound, and that we have reason to be insecure.
Truth is that all humans feel this way at times. If we can learn to like ourselves first, it makes it a lot easier to believe that other people will also like us (see last week's episode for more on your relationship with YOU).
2. Expectations
When we expect our friends to do certain things (even very reasonable things), and then they don't, we set ourselves up for frustration, resentment, and disappointment.
We think that if I do x, then you should too. I seems reasonable, and our brains will "sell" us on this.
The problem is that if they don't behave the way we expect, we might think the relationship is broken, when it's really just a story that we have created.
Can you just love them, regardless of what they do or don't do?
3. Competition
If there's a competitive feel in your relationship, then you're definitely comparing -- and if you're comparing, there's a version of judgement happening --and I believe that judgement is the biggest barrier to feel love. So if there is underlying competition, then there is also a lack of love for yourself as well as for the other person.
4. Gossip
There's a fine line between sharing something because of care and concern and wanting to support, and crossing into information that isn't yours to share.
What's the intent? Who are you serving? Is it helpful? Is it pretending to be a form of bonding?
If you're experiencing drama, it's because you're creating that experience inside of you; take a step back, get curious, and see how you are contributing to that feeling for yourself.
Not to say that other people don't create drama, but that doesn't have to mean that you have to experience or internalize it. There's a difference between noticing and being aware of, and experiencing it for yourself; if you are experiencing it for yourself, know that you are the creator. If you want to experience something different, then get curious. Step back, and ask "what's my role?"
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