Ep. 61 - How it's Supposed to Feel

For many newlyweds, they are feeling a lot of shame about negative emotions about their marriage.

It's important to know that there is a known physiological high that comes at the beginning of a relationship.

For many women, there is also the wedding high.

And just like ANYTHING new you begin, there’s a back-to-reality moment.

I want you to know that that’s totally fine.

Being a newlywed is, on an emotional level, like slow cooker vs instapot…… all the emotions are intensified.

Here are some emotions I think you can totally feel sometimes in a perfectly healthy marriage:

Annoyed.

Enchanted.

Frustrated.

Resentful.

Curious.

Insecure -- in him and in you.

It’s all fine. It’s all invited here.

Where you want to be careful is getting too attached to your story that’s creating the thought.

You can feel all the feels. But you also don’t have to get attached to the story that led to them.

Was he maybe the wrong guy? Is he inconsiderate? Is he not driven enough? Does he not care enough about your religious values?

Notice those thoughts and know that they’re okay, too.

The amazing thing that happens is that when we’re scared to think these thoughts, is that we fixate on them. They terrify us.

I recently got coached on this. One of my kids did something very dangerous and I was reeling for a month afterwards. I kept having this thought, I can’t keep them safe. But I didn’t want to think that thought, it made me feel sick it was so scary, so I tried to push it away. Guess what happened? I had that thought approximately twenty billion times a day. All my mental energy was in this back and forth energy of thinking/pushing away/coming back… it was exhausting, and I was just getting more and more anxious.

It wasn’t until my coach had me get really curious about that thought, to notice it and accept it and even see where it’s true and where it’s not as true and notice what the thought was creating that I was able to move on from the anxiety.

You can feel all the feels, without constantly regenerating them by fixating on the thoughts.

You can be cranky sometimes.

If you want more support to take this further, I just opened a few more spots for one on one coaching. I take you through the full FYM process with private, one on one coaching, you get lifetime access to the full online course, you learn all the material AND how to apply it in your unique situation. To apply, go to firstyearmarried.com and click “personal coaching” up top.

Have an amazing week.