58: Loss, love, letting go, and the beauty that follows

Grieving loss and finding the beauty on the other side

This week is a little different from other EnneaTalk Tuesday episodes—I talk about the two people who have helped shape me and how losing them has made me who I am today. The timing of this episode is very special and symbolic because it is the anniversary of my father’s death eight years ago, and it’s close to my uncle’s birthday, who passed away almost a year ago. I use this episode to talk about loss, to discuss the shame and guilt that can overwhelm us when it comes, and how to take the gifts from those we lose and pay them forward.

If you have lost someone, listen to this episode and hear how you can look at those relationships with gratitude, compassion, and hear how to take each experience that life gives you and use it for something beautiful.

Overcoming shame and guilt

I start this episode talking about loss and how sometimes when we aren’t able to have the conversations we wished we could have had, we can feel regret or shame about the relationship and how it was left. I talk about how you can live out loud for those we lose and do the work to see their presence shine through in different aspects of our lives.

I share the most vulnerable parts of my relationships with my father who was an Enneagram 8, and uncle, who was an Enneagram 3. I dig into the best and worst parts of both, and how I have learned to humble myself and recognize what I was taught and modeled was with the best intention but not what I needed to be the best in the world.

I talk about letting go of the relationships that no longer serve you, of the different kinds of losses we all experience and how sometimes separating yourself from relationships that no longer serve you can be the most painful loss.

Living out loud through you

I discuss the power of unpacking grief, loss, and shame, and how it doesn’t have to come from a place of blame. It takes surrendering to the full range of grief to see the beauty, blessings, power, and strength on the other side, to be able to live out their legacy and allow them to live out loud through you. Sometimes it takes forgiving and grieving the people you have lost in order to step into who you were meant to be.

Quotes:
“You can love people very very very very very very much and not be in relationship with them.” 6:53

“If you know the Enneagram 8 at all, being exposed, being vulnerable, being perceived remotely as weak is our biggest fear, we would rather die.” 11:43

“I was so afraid of anger that I would sacrifice myself a lot of the time.” 19:38

“Shame being the silent killer doesn’t serve any good, compassion does.” 21:46

“I’ve operated most of my life like an InstaPot.” 22:32

“In loss, in grief, there is always a beautiful message and a beautiful blessing if we choose to see that.” 24:08

“We always have a choice on what we take from a situation.” 26:22

“Any loss that you’ve had in your life is here to teach you something, and we are not meant to wallow in that.” 27:10

“It’s possible for you to step into exactly what you were always called to do, but you’re gonna have to do some hard things along the way.” 31:00

“Feel the full range of grief and then use it for something powerful and beautiful.” 34:07