103: How to Have an Actual Conversation

Talking to people can be difficult. Conversations in a society where people are divided and tensions are high can be especially tough. Today we are talking about why it's hard to talk to people, and sharing tips to keep your conversations productive. Listen to the podcast by pressing the play button on the black bar above. All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar.  You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at your favorite podcast catcher. How to talk to people begins with how to listen. A discussion/conversation is two people who are listening to each other and responding to each other in a productive manner with the intent to move the conversation along. What we commonly have now are not conversations and they are not discussions. We don’t listen to understand, we listen to reply. Someone makes a point you disagree with, and you’re not listening anymore—you’re formulating in your head what you will say as soon as they take a breath. We don't talk with people, we talk at them.  Productive online conversations begin with reading what was actually posted. How many people read a post and then comment, not responding to the actual post but instead respond to what they heard in their head or where their brain went when they read that post? Someone can post about selling apple pies for $10 each on Thursdays from 3-7 pm at the XYZ Farmers Market, and people will ask in the comments: What time is the farmers market? Do you have cherry pies? How much are the pies? Is this the Tuesday or Thursday Market? Which market are you at? I'll take a pecan and a peach pie. Where can I pick them up? Sometimes we use people's posts as a place to put our opinions. I recently posted on Facebook, “If you are on Parler or Mewe, drop your link here so I can follow you”. From that post, I got comments and messages like: I don't have time for social media and I'm not joining another platform. Facebook is evil but I don’t know where else to go. What else are you using? I tried MeWe and Parler. They didn’t work for me. Okay, I get it. I totally do. But my post was simply asking for links of people who were on those platforms—that's all.  It's become an epidemic of sorts. Half reading what is written, responding before taking all the information in. And that's just one of the issues. We've become more bold, and we like conflict. I touched on this topic in Social Media Etiquette: Tips from a Farmish Girl . My first tip was, “if you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face at a fried chicken dinner, don’t say it online.” The problem is in current times, I think there are a lot of things that people would say—and are saying—at a chicken dinner that they never would have said before. We want to fight. People want to be mad. And in an ironic way, me even doing this topic proves that. I’m frustrated with people being unable to talk to each other. I’m frustrated that people can't leave stuff alone that doesn’t apply to them. Conflict gives us something to talk about. It’s much more exciting to talk about things going wrong than things going right. Think about it—sitting down to read a book or watch a movie where there is no conflict would be pretty boring. Conflict is what moves the story along. So, conflict is part of the game and will always be part of the game. So how do we handle that conflict in conversation without being jerks to each other, or deciding we’re going to hole up and just never talk to anyone again? Why do people have such a hard time talking to each other? I recently asked on MeWe: “Why do you think people have such a hard time talking to each other right now (in person or online)? What's behind the breakdown in conversation? Why is there so much anger and so little movement forward? What is wrong with communication right now?” A few of my friends were willing to share their thoughts,