There is a balance to be struck between striving to do all the things, and realizing when you’re at a stage in your life that you’re already busy doing other things. While it's important to dream, make goals, and draw up plans, today I want to talk about honoring the reality of where you are in life.
Listen to the podcast episode by pressing the play button on the black bar above.
All episodes are linked under the podcast tab that you can find way at the top of this post in my menu bar.
You can also listen and subscribe to my Farmish Kind of Life podcast at all popular podcast players.
It's important to make plans. I'm all about dreaming and setting goals. But today I'm backing up a bit and getting honest about life, because for some of you, hearing just do some dreaming and make some plans! is the exact opposite of what you need to hear.
I was 24 when I had my first kid, and 25 when I had my second. And I remember shortly after the second was born, I sat on the deck, exhausted and sobbing. My husband asked me what was wrong.
"I'm afraid I'll never write again. I will never have time. I can't do all of this." And I pulled out a book by some author who by my estimation had "a bazillion books out". I shoved it at my husband's face and said, "Look at her. She is doing all the things."
And my sweet husband looked at me, his wife with an almost 13 month old and a brand new baby, and said, "You and her are in different places. How old is that author?" When I told him she was 42, he told me to stop comparing myself to her and live my life.
"If I know you," he said, "when you're 42 you'll be back to writing all the books just like that author."
"What if I'm not?"
"Then you're not. But it's not like you're going to forget how to write. It's part of who you are."
I don't know if my husband remembers that conversation, but it was huge for me and I totally stuck it in my back pocket.
Fast forward to last week when I was making a huge business plan for the novels I plan to release under my two names in 2021.
And it occurred to me while I worked on it: guess how old I turn in 2021?
42 years old.
I recently shared this story with another writer, who said he really appreciated the honesty. As a new dad, he was scraping by on writing 10 minutes a day and wondering, “is this is all there is?”
I remember those days. I remember the days of trying to get an article done in 20 minutes because that’s how long I had before the kid woke up again.
While that writer and I are close to the same age, he and his partner just had a baby. So even though he and I graduated almost the same year, he's currently getting up with a baby every few hours and I’ve got a kid who turns 18 in a few months.
Two totally different places in life.
Which makes all the difference.
My reality now?
My husband works weird hours.
My kids are almost adults.
Our house is wildly independent. We’re all on different schedules. I often say that there isn’t a moment in a 24 hour period where there isn’t someone awake in our house doing something.
So when people ask how do you have all the time to do what you do, I want you to understand at this point in my life, I spend a lot of time alone—meaning, not being needed by anyone else—either because they aren’t home, they’re sleeping, they’re at work, or they’re doing their own thing like recording music or doing their college classes.
So I am currently free to do the crazy things I’ve got up in my head—and that I’ve had up in my head!—because there are so many other things I don't need to take care of anymore.
The truth is, the place you are in life will determine a lot of what you can do.
Let's break down some steps to getting comfortable with this realization.
Step One: Dreams. Goals, Plans.
We all have something we want to do. You might want to build a homestead, learn a new skill, switch careers, or put out a crapton of books next year.
view more