601 Shifting from hierarchy to equality

A listener in a hierarchical relationship with her nesting partner asks how to start the conversation about moving to a more egalitarian one.

0:00 Introduction and host chat

• If you’re under 18, visit scarleteen.com
• In episode 189 of the Normalizing Non-Monogamy podcast, the guest Brea said they used Eight Things I Wish I’d Known About Polyamory Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up!

2:50 Poly in the news

Folks are getting serious about creating a new poly flag

5:00 Lusty Guy’s Politics Corner: A note to my fellow white people

White people don’t always know what racism is, and saying “I don’t see color” or confuse intentions with outcomes are signs that you don’t understand. Whites should listen to the Black voices around you and read How to be an Anti-Racist by Ibram X. Kendi to start understanding.

9:35 Contact us

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10:00 Topic: Shifting from hierarchy to equality

A listener has a nesting partner, and when they started, they agreed to a hierarchy. Now she has a boyfriend, and she feels forced to make her boyfriend feel like a secondary partner. How does she open up a conversation with her nesting partner about moving to a more egalitarian model?

• Be brave and bring it up! Ask for what you want. Hear your partner’s needs without taking them personally.
• Maybe a theoretical And then what? exercise and start doing regular check-ins, if you’re not already.
• Equal or egalitarian? Equality or fairness? Equal respect, not equal outcomes.
• Define “hierarchy.” Get specific about new desired behaviors.

21:00 Join the conversation

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21:05 Feedback

• Politics corner should be its own podcast, redux
• Feedback on the Israeli-Palestine conflict from episode 599

21:50 Happy poly moment

Elbereth shares a happy poly moment from Europe.

Thank you!

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