#171 What Does Emotionally Healthy Conflict Look / Feel Like? Breakthrough!

Want to share a huge breakthrough for me.

 

Massive POG: Proof of Growth for me!

 

How do you handle conflict?

 

How does conflict make you feel?

 

How do you know how “good” you are at conflict?

 

Who do you know that is good in conflict?

 

What does healthy, productive conflict look like? 

 

How do you define healthy, productive conflict?

 

What stories / “truths” have you told yourself about conflict? 

 

Let me give you a couple examples w/what conflict looks like from an emotionally unhealthy perspective.

 

1.) Conflict w/a narcissist. 

 

a.) I was literally consumed for hours each day—consciously AND unconsciously. 

b.) It was all I could think about.

c.) My chest was tight.

d.) Knot in my throat.

e.) Face was flushed.

f.) Felt like I had absolutely no control over being consumed.

g.) Felt like I had absolutely no control over my emotions.

h.) It was almost blinding.

i.) Being in that state impacted & affected all my relationships. 

i1.) How emotionally available was I for my wife & daughter? Friends?

i2.) Short temper, agitated, grumpy.

j.) Difficulty thinking clearly, logically, objectively b/c walking around emotionally hijacked…in the passenger seat of my ‘car’ / life.

k.) Felt helpless, angry, rage, disrespected, rejected, controlled, manipulated, gaslighted, bitter, let down, betrayed, resentful, violated, disgusted, furious, provoked, infuriated, annoyed, jaded, revolted, sad, repelled, hurt, & disappointed. 

 

2.) Conflict w/the organization we were in for many years. We discovered after many years that it had many characteristics & qualities of a cult. 

All the same feelings & emotions as the above conflict.

 

NOW, after intentionally working on & growing my emotional health & emotional intelligence the past 3.5 - 4 yrs…

 

1.) Conflict in a new organization that I’m involved in…

 

2.) Conflict w/some other folks in another organization…

 

COMPLETELY different experience now that I’m emotionally healthier.

 

1.) Can think clearly.

2.) Not confused.

3.) Not emotionally hijacked.

4.) Can be objective.

5.) Can see the different sides of the parties involved in the conflict.

6.) I’m unemotional.

7.) I’m patient.

8.) I’m not rushing to make rash, ill-thought out decisions. 

 

Some general points about conflict: 

1.) Conflict & adversity reveals the levels of emotional intelligence of the people involved in the conflict.

2.) Conflict can be destructive or productive depending on your own emotional health & perspective. 

3.) Conflict can lead to stronger relationships if the conflict is handled appropriately. 

4.) Conflict is a normal part of every healthy relationship. 

5.) With the right perspective, conflict can be a tremendous teacher / instructor / coach.

6.) What can you learn about yourself, God & the other parties through conflict?

 

I absolutely CANNOT encourage you enough to pursue emotional healing so you can handle life’s conflict such that it doesn’t consume you & possibly destroy you or the relationships you find yourself in.

 

Conflict can be a truly wonderful growth tool for everyone involved if you’re emotionally healthy.

 

We’re on the receiving end of each other’s EQ (or lack thereof) every day in every relationship. 

 

Unaddressed emotional issues don’t get better over time, they actually compound.

 

Emotionally healthy people help heal other people emotionally.

 

Thank you so much for sharing, subscribing, rating & reviewing on our podcast & YouTube channel!

 

If you’re ready to take your emotional fitness program to the next level, join us at eqgangster.com/mafia.