Episode 66: A summer screentime game plan: Don't leave it to chance!

Don't leave your kid's screen time to chance. Here is a game plan for you to follow as we roll into summer, with 5 tips you can use today!

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Full Transcription:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Oh, my gosh. Can you believe it? Summer is upon us. I just can't believe it. It's like, how is it already? The beginning of June? It seems like we have like, had the longest year and a couple of months of our lives, but also really quick and other aspects, right? Like crazy, crazy. Well, as we go into the summer months and maybe your kiddos have more time at home, more free time, which also means more digital time. I want to talk about a few tips on how you can keep that time spent on digital devices, kind of reigned in so that it doesn't just become a problem, an issue, a thing that interferes with other things that our kids need to be doing with their freedom during the summer. Right? That's what we're going to talk about today. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:52):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 3 (01:17):

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Speaker 1 (01:52):

So I guess I should interject that. I know I have listeners from all over the world, so I recognize that some of you may not be going into your summertime, which seems weird to me because I've always lived in the United States. But if you happen to be in another country where your, your world is kind of opposite of ours, just know that these tips can be used for you any time your kids have extra time to be on the digital things. Okay. So take it with a grain of salt that I've said summertime, let's just talk about when you're a kids that I have more free time and want to be on all the digital things. How do you manage it? What can you do to kind of rein that time in? Okay, so that's what we're going to talk about. So this whole topic is kind of around boundaries, right?

Speaker 1 (02:33):

So it's something that I've talked about in several other of my episodes about how we need to have boundaries around the digital things. Probably the biggest mistake that I made in those earlier years when I gave the gaming device and the different things like that was just giving free rein of that device. The second biggest mistake was probably allowing it in the bedroom and actually putting that gaming console in bedroom with, you know, just unlimited use. That was probably the second biggest mistake. So those are the two things that I would really focus on this summer. But in addition to that, the first thing that I would do is set up a routine for your kids. Even if you're not at home, like if they're old enough to where they're staying at home and you're going to work, I would make a kind of a check-off responsibility list that has to be done before they earn that time on the digital devices, the gaming consoles, whatever it is that they tend to spend too much time on if you let it.

Speaker 1 (03:35):

So if you listen to one of my episodes, it's been quite a while ago. I'm not sure exactly which episode it is, but I talked about a certain psychologist who talked about high dopamine and low dopamine activities. And the problem with being on a digital device for prolonged periods is it's kind of a, an easy reward system. And it's a high dopamine activity, meaning that it, you know, you don't have to do a lot of work in order to get to the rewards. And it's been equated as far as the effects on the brain as similar to using drugs. So you want to be aware of that and then implement some boundaries in place so that your kids have breaks from that. Like, it's not something that's necessarily going to harm them. Long- term in small doses, but if you're doing these prolonged periods of them doing it, you know, being on some device and with no interruptions and doing nothing else, then you will start to see the effects in their behavior.

Speaker 1 (04:37):

And the, some of the things that they do, if you're someone that has a kid that's been gaming or on digital things a lot, you probably know what I'm talking about and that they actually go through sort of a withdrawal when they don't have those easy reward, high dopamine activities going on. So you have to kind of bring them off of that. If you have allowed them to have a lot of uninterrupted time on there, you have to kind of let them go through that withdrawal. So let's do a little bit of a roadmap to help you navigate this as you go into the summer, because I hear it over and over and over again that you're like, well, I just, I'm glad that they are out of school and you know, they have all this free time. I just want them to have fun.

Speaker 1 (05:21):

I just want him to spend time with their friends. There's this, you know, this COVID thing going on. And so I just want them to spend time with their friends and they can't always be together. So I'm just going to let them play their games. And then what I hear a lot of times is, oh my God, I should have set some boundaries up around that. And I don't know how to proceed from here. Okay. So first thing I would do is set up kind of a routine for responsibility. So their day has to involve this certain amount of responsibility in your home. So you can make a list of according to the, you know, like the, the task that you want them to do in the house. So it could be something like clean their bathroom, take out their trash, empty, the dishwasher, rinse the dishes in the sink, sweep, mop, you know, whatever it is that you want them to do, but they have that certain amount of responsibility.

Speaker 1 (06:13):

Or if they're a little bit younger, like making their bed, brushing their teeth, those certain tasks. So make a list of those things that they're responsible for and then require that they have like two or three that are completed, that they have to do every day when they wake up or whatever the pattern of the routine is that you want to put in place. The second thing is require that part of their activity every day is to do some form of active activity that was redundant. Wasn't it, some form of active exercise, recreation getting outside, you know, something, something busy, something active, something where they're moving their bodies, something where they're exposed to sunshine, not just the four walls of their bedroom or the living room or the house, but something where they are doing childhood discovery things. And I know once they get to the teenage years, they don't really want to do this very much.

Speaker 1 (07:10):

And they'll probably give you attitude about that, but just reiterate that that is part of your routine or responsibility that is required before they get the privilege of spending time on those digital things. The third thing is to have a time limit, don't let them do a free for all, have a time limit of how much they can spend on a game or device, phone, social media, whatever it is that you are allowing them to have, have a specific set time do not let it just be to chance or because they don't have anything else going on. They're just going to do this. It is a time suck and it's hard once their mind gets into those things. It's so addicting that before, you know, it, hours and hours and hours have gone by you're busy. You may not even be at home. And so you can't really monitor closely.

Speaker 1 (08:06):

And it's just kind of like a slippery slope that gets going faster and faster and faster. If you haven't set up some type of limit on the time that they can do that, the fourth thing is have them do whatever activity you're allowing in a public space of your home. I know that may be hard if they're actually home alone. But like I said, at the beginning, I caution against allowing things in the bedroom when they're, especially at younger ages, but definitely recommend that they be supervised in their activity. And even if they're old enough to where they don't necessarily have to be supervised so much, have them in a public space, because like, especially like with gaming where it kind of sucks you in and is addictive and has that high dopamine reward system going on, it's very easy for them to feel isolated.

Speaker 1 (08:54):

And then, you know how, like, if you're around, like if you're a female, which I would think you are because you're listening to a be that mom podcast. But if you're a female, think about like being in a social setting with other women, or when you were younger, like a teenager or middle school, remember how you could listen to, or kind of see or overhear some other girls. Maybe it was just me, but you could hear someone talking and you kind of are paranoid that they're talking about you. That's kind of how I envision when the kiddo is in their room and kind of isolated and excluded from the rest of the activity in the house is they start feeling isolated. They may start imagining that you're mad at them or that you're talking about them, or, you know, something going on to where they're like not a part of it.

Speaker 1 (09:43):

They're isolated or, you know, it's so natural for middle school and young teens and teenagers to feel like they're different in that they're not understood. And so I think that this gets magnified when you allow this thing to go into their bedroom and then, you know, they have the four walls closed in not to mention the fact that that makes them easier prey on the predators that are out there that makes it easier for them to be curious, and to go down the rabbit holes of all of the things on the internet. You know, they say that pornography is only a couple clicks away from anywhere that our kids are online. So there's just so many extra things when they're not in a public space in your house and not somehow when they're not supervised in some way. So along those lines, I highly recommend that you do look into some of the tools if you haven't already, that I mentioned over and over and over again on here about like having a Griffin or gray phone router in place or a router that has parental controls.

Speaker 1 (10:46):

I have a link for the Griffin Griffin. I wish I knew how to pronounce that correctly. Router in my show notes, if you need a router that has parental controls, but screen time controls on the phone or the Google family link on an Android bark to help monitor conversations and activity without necessarily being all in their business all of the time. And then, you know, for this phone options, definitely a pinwheel phone is better than a smartphone to start. And then the router, plus like, if you want to do something like bark home, that is something that you can set up to where they have access to certain things or can't access certain things. Like there's all kinds of ways now to help you supervise. So even if you are the mom that is not at home and your kid is home alone, I still recommend that you require or have certain boundaries around where they can use those devices and for how long, but also have something in place that can help monitor that can help block those sites that you don't want them going to.

Speaker 1 (11:42):

And, you know, just give you those extra eyes and those extra years that you need to help navigate this kids move. So Fastly, Fastly is not a word so fast through these things, and it's impossible to keep up. It truly is. And they will find a way around most things. But when you have multiple layers, like I've said in a couple other episodes a few months ago, probably when you have these layers, it's like, it's extra, extra eyes for you. So if you have the layers of the, the router and you could put bark home on that, on top of that, if you want, if you have a bark monitoring for conversations and activity, if you have the screen time controls through an iPhone or the Google family link through an Android, all of those things can help you to supervise. Okay. So don't think that just because you're not home and it's a lost cause and you should just let them do a free for all, because you're just, your plate is full.

Speaker 1 (12:36):

You're busy working. How in the world are you going to do all the rest of this stuff? Right. That's me. That's what I used to think. So I'm saying that in the voice of I've been there, I know, I know that feeling, but just know that you have all these tools, just utilize them. They're all so very affordable. And I just can't emphasize enough how much they're going to pay you back in years to come. When you see your kids mature enough to where they can navigate these things more on their own, they can recognize the red flags more and they can regulate themselves more because they realize that there are more things in the world than just sitting on a game or buying these skins or getting these rewards on the game. When they realize that there are these other activities that are fun and enjoyable like they did before you let them have the digital things.

Speaker 1 (13:24):

You can tell that this is something that I've really, really struggled with because I keep on talking about it. But it's just an amazing thing. How distracting and how much of a time suck these things are. So put those boundaries in place around that and help supervise. Okay. And then the last thing that I want to say is related to balancing the high dopamine and the low dopamine. So when I say like put a time limit, that psychologist that I mentioned earlier, he actually recommends that you have like bursts of time. Like I think for adolescents, he mentioned like an hour on two, an hour off, you know, so you get set up to where they have a timer and so you get to play for an hour, but then you have to be off for an hour or, you know, whatever it is that you want to do for your kid.

Speaker 1 (14:08):

And I would recommend to, I recommend that you kind of use your kid's behavior as judgment. So if you notice it that they're kind of like more hyper, more distracted, more attitude, all of those things after they're coming off of playing their console, or, you know, they spend way more time going through a certain social media site or whatever, and then they don't want to get off to do other things. They give you attitude about things. Use that as kind of a, a clue that maybe you need to pull back on that time. The one thing that I always, when I looked at that and looked at like setting a time limit was I just looked at it and I was like, that's not realistic. I can't just tell my kid. I can, they can only do it for 15 minutes a day. You know?

Speaker 1 (14:53):

So I was a little bit more lax with that, but just use your own kiddo is as the judge of it. So you're getting more attitude and all of that pull back on that time and say, you just have 30 minutes, you're getting 30 minutes. And then you need to go outside and swim, ride a bike, you know, whatever it is that you can get them to do, that's active, shoot. Some hoops, throw a ball, do something that is just normal childhood things other than the digital things. Okay. So if you balance those low dopamine with the high dopamine, it's better for their brain. So another way to say that is like a quick reward and a slower reward type thing. And one example that that psychologist uses is like, he says that like baking a cake, you get a reward when the cake is done.

Speaker 1 (15:40):

Well, you also get a reward when you make the batter. I love to eat better. And cookie dough, cookie dough too. So you get a reward when you mix those ingredients together, right? It takes some work though. They have to measure things out. They have to mix it up and then it's ready to eat, right? While a game it's like you go in and you get that instant reward. It's not a lot of work. That's what he's talking about with the high dopamine and the low dopamine activities. So balance those games with things that are more hands-on and more active, it doesn't just mean exercise. It doesn't just mean being active physically with their body, but something that uses their brain in a different way and gives them a reward in a different way. And like I've said before, I believe childhood is about discovery and they develop by interacting with the world and interacting with different things to discover what it is that they are interested in for life, right, for a profession, for what their likes and dislikes are, what their hobbies are going to be.

Speaker 1 (16:45):

And when they spend all their time playing in this make-believe world, it distracts them from that. It delays them from that. And it just gets to where we see like a generation of kids that have very little ambition or no ambition to go out and do other things to do the, the gifts, the things that they're meant to do, right. It distracts them and keeps them from discovering who they are meant to be. And I think that's a tragedy. And I think that is the biggest thing that we, as parents need to focus on with all the digital things is it's not all bad and we do have to help them navigate. But at the same time, putting these boundaries, these limits around what you were allowing allows them to still have the childhood that they're meant to have right outside of the digital things.

Speaker 1 (17:37):

And when I think of like my middle school years, summer was like freedom. You know, it was like, oh my God, we have all these long days of summer, all this sunshine, we lived in a neighborhood where we had a neighborhood pool. And so me and my best friends would ride our bikes to the pool. We'd spend the entire day at the pole. We, you know, we'd have 45 minutes where you could swim. And then 15 minutes where it was like the adult swim. And so we'd get out and we'd be starving. So we'd go to the snack bar, you know, concession stand thing and get us some, some hot fries or some Cheetos or a candy bar, different things like that. And I remember it tasted so good because I was so hungry because I was just swimming all day long and then the whistle would go off and it would be time to get back in the pool.

Speaker 1 (18:27):

So we'd put our snack down. We jumped back in the pool and we swim non-stop with all this imagination and all these themes that we were doing. I don't even know how we could spend the entire day swimming, but we would spend the entire day swimming. And, you know, just spending time with each other imagination, swimming in the deep end, jumping off the diving board, all of that stuff. And then at the end of the day, our eyes were like red because we didn't, weren't wearing goggles. We did use sunscreen, but maybe had a little bit of a sunburn and then, you know, still ravenous hungry and we'd ride our bikes home to go eat supper, you know, and go home for the night. Those were the best memories. But I think that, uh, and you know, we all have different childhoods, different opportunities. So your child may not have those same things.

Speaker 1 (19:14):

And certainly in today's day and age, I wouldn't be letting my kid right through a neighborhood to go to the pool by themselves. That was, you know, way back when, but I think if, if back then we had the digital things, imagine all the things we would have missed out on. And that's what I worry about with our kids is that they're going to miss out on these things that they need to do. Like how would I have known how to do certain things? If I hadn't had these childhood experiences, how would I know what I like or dislike? You know? So that's what I think you need to keep in mind as we go into the summer is that we need to preserve their childhood and their childhood experiences. And yes, we live in a digital world now, and it's not all bad and it is a part of their lives and a part of our lives.

Speaker 1 (19:56):

And it has so many blessings that go with it because we can stay connected, even though we've had this worldly pandemic thing going on and all of the things, there are so many pluses, but when it comes to these things that can have an impact on our kids. I think that these are some very vital tips that you can use as you go forward through this summer and also to maintain your sanity, right? Like we don't want to get to July or August and be like, oh my God, like they are just so out of hand because they've just sat here all summer playing this game. So I've probably rattled on enough and gone on, on enough tangents that you're like, okay, wrap it up, Dolly, go wrap it up. But use these five tips to help guide you. I think that they are a great way to summarize everything and to help you navigate this so that you can, their summertime discovery and freedom and all of that, while also allowing them to spend time with friends, if that's what you allow or, you know, whatever it is that they do digitally, just try to balance it and preserve that childhood discovery for them.

Speaker 1 (21:01):

Okay. So hopefully this was helpful as I always say at the end of all my episodes, and I will chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (21:11):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time. Hey, if you 

Speaker 3 (21:26):

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