Episode 74: Five myths for raising kids in the digital age! Mom beware!

When raising kids today, it can be hard to know what to do. Listen in to debunk these five common myths that you need to know!! 

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Raising kids in the digital world is a struggle beyond belief. Our kids are so unique and different from each other. Our experiences in life, as parents and navigating all the things can be so different, but there are a few common threads that I notice when I'm out in the world and watching discussions of different things around the digital things. So today we're going to talk about five myths that I see rolling over and over again in the discussion threads of different groups that I'm in and just chat about my viewpoint of those, to give you some perspective and some things to think about when it comes to you approaching these things in your world, with your kids and all the digital things. So stay tuned,

Speaker 2 (00:46):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson

Speaker 1 (01:11):

Only moly this out. If you are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet, check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb smartphones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So welcome back to another episode of, to be that mom movement podcast. I think about what topic to use for these episodes, and I'm really trying to always stay relevant to what we are facing in the world. So in coming episodes, I am going to do some that talk about our kids, going back to school and different options that we need to think about when it comes to giving our kids the digital things.

Speaker 1 (02:03):

But today I want to talk about these myths that I see across different parenting groups, because I feel like while we can have differing opinions with these, I feel like these are some solid things for you to think about in terms of how they affect your kids. So you can make a proactive stance and a game plan for yourself and your family and not leave this as to chance, you know, and hope and a prayer and letting the digital things and all the digital info or all the influences in the digital things, mold your child as they go into adulthood. So I hope that my podcast is something that you are coming to every week for guidance and support. And then you're not just someone who has subscribed and you're not listening on a weekly basis. I know I do have some podcasts that I subscribe to that I do not listen to actively just because I'm with all of the things, but I hope that what I share here provides value to you and that you will come to my episodes on a weekly basis to see what I'm chatting about.

Speaker 1 (03:10):

And if you have a topic that you want to see discussed, or you want to give me input, I welcome that. And I invite you to connect with me on social media or on earth through email. And tell me your story and tell me what's going on. Even if you don't want to be featured on the show, if you want to tell me what it is that you've dealt with in your perspective. I welcome that. And if you do find my podcast helpful, please leave me a review that helps me to rank up higher in, you know, the different podcast platforms so that my show gets pushed out into the world. And as you've probably heard me say before, my mission with my podcast is for us to take the stigma off of being that mom that is proactive and setting limits and things for our kids and make it the norm that we are proactive.

Speaker 1 (04:01):

And that we realize that the digital things are not benign and that we do need to take a stand, you know, and guide our kids with these things. So if you can please do those things, reach out to me if you have your own story of success or struggle or whatever it is, and then email me, or get in touch with me, if there's something that you want seen on the show more. Okay. My email is dolly@dollydenson.com. So please feel free to email me and get in touch so we can chat. All right. So let's talk about this. I have five things that I've identified as common myths that I see intertwined in conversations out in the world. When parents bring up a topic and they ask for advice, and then everybody gives their advice. And there's certain things I see that are kind of disturbing to me because of the experience I have went through.

Speaker 1 (04:52):

So if you have not gone down the road of major struggle, like some of us parents have, I'm hoping that you can gain some insight from what I share so that you don't have the harder path to take. You don't have to learn the hard way like some of us parents have. So the first one is that they're in their natural habitat playing games. And what I mean by this is you allow them to have the choice to play the games versus things that they need to do to be a healthy developing child. And I don't mean that they can't have a happy place in playing games, but I would not allow it to take the place of things such as being active. You know? So getting out, riding a bike, shooting, some hoops, going for a walk, whatever it is that you want to encourage in terms of activity, even just simply playing with other friends out in the world in real life.

Speaker 1 (05:55):

I don't think that we should allow a child's draw toward gaming the games, the digital things to be their identity and to be what you allow them to do at the sacrifice of other things. I say this in reference to a post that I saw, and I don't even know where I saw it, but one child was outside doing these active things. Another one was inside sitting in a chair with headphones on and playing a game. And the comment that was made was they're in their natural habitat. Now, the reason that I think this is an important distinction to make is because of what I've mentioned in other episodes that the gaming and the digital things are designed to be addictive, designed, to be like a time suck and designed to draw them in and want them to get more and more of it. Remember that if you've heard me say this before, it is a high dopamine release activity.

Speaker 1 (06:52):

So it's addicting. It's like doing drugs. It's like craving sugar. It's like something that they want more and more of because it gives them that high pleasure stimulation. So once you're aware of that, you can realize that while this is okay for them to do, we need to set boundaries and limits around that in the sense that we need to have them still doing other things, things that without them, it may stunt their development. In some way, like I've said, in a couple of my episodes in the past couple of ones, the normal childhood development things, the tactile discovery, the, you know, doing things to discover what it is that they're interested in the world, those types of things. The second one is a comment that I saw when a mom was saying that she didn't know how to set limits on doing a certain game.

Speaker 1 (07:47):

And someone commented, just let them be a kid it's not addictive or drug. It's a video game. Like, jeez, that might be, and something I said years ago, it might have been. So when I talk about these things, I am never saying it in a place of judgment. I hope you know that I'm never saying it from a place of how could you not know better? I am saying it from a place of, I have been there. I truly truly have with pretty much all of these, but why I bring them up is because it's so important to understand this distinction so that you don't make your kid go down the harder road. Okay. I think that their kids are adaptable. They're intuitive. They adjust quickly compared to adults that have to make changes. So even going down the hard path, you can reroute, you can get things back on track, so to speak, but if we can not have them go down the harder road, it makes life so much better simpler and all of that.

Speaker 1 (08:51):

Right? So glean my knowledge from this in my own experience that gaming and social media apps and all of those things are absolutely addictive and are like a drug and psychologists that have specialties in gaming addiction and gaming disorder will absolutely tell you that studies on the brain will absolutely tell you that. So yes, it is wise to set limits. It is wise to investigate these things. It is wise to be that proactive mom or dad that is, you know, being mindful of these things. The third myth is that you don't need to worry about the digital things until they're teenagers. I thought that I thought that I didn't have to worry about it. You know, just let's just do the thing and we'll figure it out. But, and I think with my kids, it was probably different because the smartphone was just emerging and you know, all of these really addictive and intricate elaborate graphic games, all of the things that are out there just weren't out there when my kids were younger.

Speaker 1 (09:53):

But what I'm seeing now is younger and younger kids are given phones as entertainment, given games as entertainment and not encouraged to do anything else. And that is taking them away from normal childhood things. While the concerns are definitely heightened and much more elaborate when they get to their teen years, all the friends have the phones everybody's connecting on social media and all of that stuff. Yes. Their major concerns for the teen years. But we have to start thinking about this when they're younger, when they are school age, when they are even preschool and younger age, in terms of when we give them a phone or a tablet or something digital to entertain them, we need to make sure it has educational value, that it is not taking them away from being active, doing normal childhood things, that type of stuff. So definitely not something to put off worrying about to your teenage years.

Speaker 1 (10:48):

Not that you need to worry about it, so to speak, but just be proactive and mindful and have a plan in place for how you're going to do that. So that it doesn't substitute from normal childhood things. The number four thing is not my kid. They will know better. They are a good kid. They will figure this out. They will tell me, oh my gosh. So this is in reference to being coerced or contacted by a predator. Being asked to send provocative pictures, chatting with someone they don't know and giving away personal information. All of those things that go along with kind of grooming a child for whatever it is that that person on the other end, whatever their intention is that your kid will somehow know better, that they will not be tempted by this, that they will see the red flags that they will come to you.

Speaker 1 (11:38):

Unfortunately, I think that the predators and the people on the other end, and even if it's another child that is bullying them or trying to get them to send provocative pictures and those types of things, children by nature are curious and trustworthy and innocent and impressionable. And so when we do not give them the steps and the conversation, the communication in regards to what they need to be looking for, and then also setting up what boundaries and limits and layers that we can in terms of monitoring their phone, having the access that they are given set up to where it is not just open up into the entire world with no monitoring, no guidance, no nothing. When we don't set them up for this, that is the path that they will go down more than likely. So definitely not something to leave to chance. And then the fifth myth and the final one that I'll talk about today, and this is probably the one that we all need to hear and nearly brings me to tears as I talk about it, because I thought this and it was the most isolating, and I don't know how to describe it, but it was, it was a place that was my bottom.

Speaker 1 (12:55):

It was my, my rock bottom as a parent, the moment that I felt the most hopeless in that was that we are alone in this struggle, that we are the only ones that are dealing with this, that we are the only ones that haven't set limits. That we're the only ones that don't know where to start. That we are the only ones that meant to do that. But life got busy. And so we didn't do it. And now fill in the blank has happened. I was there. I sat on my front porch. It's what the inspiration for this podcast and everything that I'm doing with the be that movement came from was that utter feeling of alone. I don't even know if I'm articulating this right, but I sat on my front porch and I cried. And I literally sat there for about an hour.

Speaker 1 (13:39):

And it was the most alone I've ever felt in my life. It was the most hopeless that I have ever felt in my life because we had reached a point to where it was blatantly obvious that we weren't doing the things we needed to do in all of this. I had no clue what to do. I always knew there was something I should do, but I didn't know what, I didn't know. There were resources out there for anything. I didn't know where to look. I didn't know where to start. You know, I just wanted my kids to be kids. I just wanted my kids to have phones so they could talk to their friends. I just wanted my kids to be able to have fun looking at pictures on Instagram. And before I know it, that was like the worst decision of my life, because it was a like incremental push in a certain direction.

Speaker 1 (14:21):

I didn't realize, I didn't know that that's what was happening until it was. I felt like my child was completely out of my reach. I was no longer an influence in that child's life. It was just the most horrible feeling as a mom. So I want you to know that wherever you are in this journey, if you were just here for information, because your child is young and you're trying to figure out where to start, or you are someone that was like me, that didn't have a clue. That was like the first generation of these parents that had to figure this out, like a crash course of life. As we went down, the barreling path of raising our kids, if you were like me and you made mistakes, and now you're trained to course, correct. I just want you to know number five, you are not alone in this struggle.

Speaker 1 (15:11):

You absolutely are not. And so I hope that these five tips will give you some hope. We'll give you some guidance. I know that there can be a difference of opinion with these things, but I believe that we all need to take a proactive stance. We cannot leave this to chance playing games and doing the digital things can be something that is fun is educational, but it also can be very, very slippery slope. And once they start down that slope, it can go very rapidly. It can also be something that is incremental and happens over time. The bottom line is it's an influence and the bottom line is it's gotta be something that we start with proactively for our children. So I hope you've found me discussing these five myths helpful, and that you will take them out into the world and help you on this journey.

Speaker 1 (16:03):

And absolutely know that you're not alone in this connect with people in your world that are also trying to be proactive with us. Share my podcast with those moms who are in similar struggles, talk to them about being proactive with your children together. So we can create to be that mom circles of influence. And so we can make it a positive and uplifting thing to be that mom that is proactive in this space so that our children can grow up to be healthy and strong and discover the person they're meant to be and the gifts that they have and all of the things. Okay. Thanks so much for listening. I'll chat with you next time.

Speaker 2 (16:47):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join. Dolly's free community till next time

Speaker 1 (17:01):

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