DISASTER POP: Crappy Love Songs And Their Terrible Advice!

We are back from our two-week break!  We had a very nice time!  And we took a 100% complete break from all things podcast!  But we missed you. Thanks for sticking around!

IN THIS EPISODE, we are digging into the crates, we are revisiting some popular love songs in the history of pop music.  It’s a playlist of dysfunction, codependency, and even mortal danger.

We get critical with the lyrics to determine exactly what love lesson they’re trying to teach you.

We had been thinking of what to do after our break to ease us back in a fun way, and we came up with the idea to break down some love songs

You know how, you’re listening to a love song, and it sounds all pretty and then you REALLY listen and it’s kinda… wrong?  Like the Stalker Song aka Every Breath You Take by Sting

So we decided to hunt through the decades of Pop and find songs that had that quality in common; Bad Love Lessons.

There were a lot of examples, it was hard to choose from so many!

but we decided to bring out just 2 examples from each decade, starting in the 1960s and ending in the 2010s, and to address them chronologically, and ring the shame bell as we parade their messages naked in front of you

It’s a little sad that these songs, beautiful as they are, are promoting what should generally be considered unhealthy relationship habits.  But we can appreciate the art of songwriting even if we don’t agree with the lyrics right?  

They’re still good songs, just not songs you should consider healthy life lessons.  Sing them in the shower all you want, just don’t try to emulate their relationship strategies because they’re nothing but trouble

Here are, subject to all our snarky criticism, some Great But Shitty Love Songs!

 

(ALRIGHT BMI OR WHATEVER MASSIVE CORPORATION OWNS THE RIGHTS TO THESE SONGS:  Our inclusion of snippets of each song in this podcast, and our narration of the lyrical content therein, constitute quoting or excerpting a work in a review or criticism for purposes of illustration or comment, and are protected as Fair Use under U.S. Copyright Law, Article 17, Code 106,https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/17/106 SO DON'T SUE US BRAH)

60s
Runaround Sue- Dion
https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/2128/Runaround+Sue
She took my love then ran around, With every single guy in town
Now people let me put you wise
Sue goes out with other guys

* His problem:  Emophilia - tendency to fall in love too easily, fast, and often
* https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/slightly-blighty/202102/do-you-fall-in-love-too-easily 
* His response:  Slut-Shaming
* https://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/slut-shaming/ Slut-shaming is the practice of disparaging women, and occasionally men, for acting in a manner that violates “norms” regarding sexually appropriate behavior. These denigrations, which are often double standards, range from criticizing women for wearing sexy clothing or having multiple sexual partners to blaming sexual assault and rape survivors for their attacks.  This can be very traumatizing to a woman, just ask Amber Rose.

When a Man Loves a Woman- Percy Sledge
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/percysledge/whenamanlovesawoman.html
* Classic case of PEDESTALLING: Needing someone who is unattainable so you can blame your unhappiness on not having that person, instead of confronting the actual source of it. https://www.dmarge.com/2021/08/pedestalling-dating-trend.html
* Also a pretty good dose of codependency: “I gave you everything I have, Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love, baby, please don't treat me bad.”

70s
Just the way you are- Billy Joel 
https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/3214162/Billy+Joel
* the story: this man is telling his longtime partner that they don’t need to change anything…
* It’s a tricky song where the sentiment begins in a positive but then it turns subtly sour & controlling
* anxiety over personal evolution : “don’t change for me, *or* for you”
* refusal to engage in deeper conversation, just “talk to” her, not with her.

Hopelessly Devoted To You - Olivia Newton-John 
https://genius.com/Olivia-newton-john-hopelessly-devoted-to-you-lyrics
* Codependency: Losing your identity in a relationship fantasy
* Obsessive: chasing a relationship when it’s clear the other person isn’t into it. 
* https://psychcentral.com/health/why-men-give-up-their-identity-in-a-relationship#causes
* Some possible causes for losing your identity in relationships might include:
    * lack of boundaries
    * low self-esteem or self-worth
    * shaky sense of self
    * codependency

80s
Saving All My Love For You- Whitney Houston
https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/30043958/whitney+houston/saving+all+my+love+for+you
* The story:  a woman is being led around by a married man, she’s fixated on him & dedicates herself to his pleasure
* Low Self-Confidence
* Low Integrity
* Self-delusional
* Lack of proper emotional support….. the a dog or some shit.

How Am I Supposed To Live Without You- Michael Bolton
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/michaelbolton/howamisupposedtolivewithoutyou.html
* The story:  A man is secretly in love with a woman, who has now found love with someone else & is moving away. He’s distraught & potentially entertaining suicidal thoughts.
* Lack of proper communication: maybe she would’ve been into it if you told her, st00pid
* Need for external validation: manifested the extreme value he places on a thing that doesn’t actually exist

90s
Dream Lover- Mariah Carey
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mariahcarey/dreamlover.html
“Dreamlover, come rescue me
Take me up, take me down
Take me anywhere you want to, baby, now
I need you so desperately
Won't you please come around?
…I just want someone to belong to”

* the story: a woman is desperately waiting for a lover to come rescue her from her loneliness and is willing to do anything they want, as long as she can belong to them forever.
* This shit is so “I’m a pretty princess and I need to be rescued by a knight in shining armor”, without taking any responsibility for developing one’s self.
* placing your value on whether you’re in a relationship
* relinquishing sense of self & autonomy
* And if you are constantly getting “deceived”, then that begs the question:  what sort of behavior/patterns are you engaging in that you are consistently getting involved with people who lie to you? Are you choosing to ignore the warning signs because you would rather believe in a pretty fairy tale?

How do I live without you – LeAnn Rimes
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/leannrimes/howdoilive.html
“If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?”

* The story: a woman is so codependent on her lover that she threatens them with her inability to survive without them.
* Honestly, where do I start? Everything good? Everything? You don’t have anything in your life that isn’t based on that one person?
* This reminds me of the Einstein quote we came across on that statue of him in a Mexico City park, ““If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” 
It’s up to us to create fulfillment for ourselves; not our lovers, our spouses, our children, or any other person who happens to exist in our realities. Does sharing a connection with them bring joy, fulfillment, and overall yummy feelings? Yes, of course. HOWEVER, those connections cannot and should not be our sole sources of meaning. It’s too much responsibility & weight for them to uphold, they will inevitably crack & crumble if we 
* Also, using this kind of manipulation to keep your lover by your side isn’t going to keep your relationship healthy & happy.  

2Ks
Underneath It All- No Doubt
https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/6596012/Lady+Saw/Underneath+It+All
You're really lovely, Underneath it all
You want to love me, Underneath it all
I'm really lucky, Underneath it all…
You know some real bad tricks And you need some discipline
But, lately you've been trying real hard And giving me your best…
…And when it's really bad, I guess it's not that bad
Rap verse: …Aside from your temper, Everything is secure…
You've used up all your coupons And all you've got left is me 
And somehow I'm full of forgiveness, I guess it's meant to be

* The story: a woman is singing how her lover is actually pretty great, underneath all of the bad things…
* Ok, so this one is a little more deceptive than some of the others, which is exactly the point. 
* Once again, the protagonist is caught up in bullshit fairytale fantasy 
* The main clues for me were: 
    * “underneath it ALL”- wait, how much sewage are you having to wade through to get to the good stuff?
    * bad tricks & “needing discipline”? Is your partner a puppy you just rescued from the shelter?
    * lately trying real hard- Lately? So… there is a continued and probably prolonged period where they weren’t trying? Weren’t working to be the best version of themselves possible, like one deserves in a true partner?
        * Obviously, we are all imperfect beings and simply cannot be the ideal versions of ourselves all the time. The emphasis is on whether that is our goal and our conscious choice on the daily, no matter how far from the mark we might actually fall.
    * aside from your temper, how bad is the temper??? 
    * “…Used up all your coupons… all you’ve got left is me”- refer to previous rant on creating fulfillment/sense of meaning in our lives separate & non-dependent on our partners.
    * “And somehow I’m full of forgiveness, I guess it’s meant to be”- seriously, WTF??? Again with the fairy tale/soulmate/destined to be together bullshit. 

A Sky Full of Stars- Coldplay
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/coldplay/askyfullofstars.html
“'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars
I wanna die in your arms
'Cause you get lighter the more it gets dark
I'm gonna give you my heart
I don't care, go on and tear me apart”

* the story: this man is so enthralled by his lover that it seems they can do no wrong, and he wants to sacrifice himself to being torn apart by them.
* lack of self esteem
* “pedestaling”
* loss of self

 

2010s
Blank space – Taylor Swift 
I'm dying to see how this one ends Grab your passport and my hand
I can make the bad guys good for a weekend
So it's gonna be forever Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players And you love the game
'Cause we're young and we're reckless We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless, hmm Or with a nasty scar 
Got a long list of ex-lovers They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space, baby And I'll write your name
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/taylorswift/blankspace.html

* The story: this young woman is meeting another potential lover and has no care for whether it’s healthy & long lasting, or whether she hurts them and leaves long lasting scars instead.
* self destructive tone
* already comfortable with sabotaging the potential relationship
* treats her lovers as disposable
* And yes, I know this song was written in response to Taylor Swift’s frustration with all the media coverage of her dating life. So when viewed from that perspective, it’s quite satirical & an enjoyable middle finger. But that doesn’t excuse the possibility of it having a lasting negative effect on those who listen to it. They may not know the backstory, heck they may be too young to understand both satire and the complexities of adult relationships. Instead they may simply enjoy it as a rock love anthem with a message that repercussions don’t matter.

Stay With Me- Sam Smith
https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/samsmith/staywithme.html
Guess it's true, I'm not good at a one-night stand, But I still need love 'cause I'm just a man
These nights never seem to go to plan, I don't want you to leave, will you hold my hand?
Oh, won't you stay with me?, ‘Cause you're all I need
This ain't love, it's clear to see, But, darling, stay with me
Why am I so emotional? No, it's not a good look, gain some self-control
And deep down I know this never works, But you can lay with me so it doesn't hurt

* the story: this man has a one night stand and is already so emotionally dependent on this person that he is already begging them to stay and keep his pain at bay.
* emopathy, meaning he falls in love right off the bat without actually knowing the person he is supposedly in love with & 
* sex addiction because he is using sex as a crutch