344-What Does Loneliness Look Like?

Are you a “deal friend'' or a “real friend”? 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness where we create lasting happiness, in 2-ish minutes a day,  through my signature method of Intentional Margins® (creating harmony between your to-dos and your priorities), happiness science, and musings about life. 

 

I'm your host Katie Jefcoat and I heard that there was a massive dip in happiness during the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic.  But, 9% of the people got happier.  Those people were the extreme introverts.  Here’s the deal.  We have a society that is mainly built for and run by extroverts.  So a lot of society is extrovert driven.  And it makes perfect sense that the happiness meter globally and certainly in the US took a big dip. 

 

At the beginning of the coronavirus, 60% of people wanted to quit their jobs because they were so lonely and by the end  60% said they didn’t want to go back to work.  You see, the happiness meter changed for so many people.  The level of happiness we’re striving for, that bar has been lowered.  

 

Historically, 60-year old men who were above average in income, who had big job titles were the loneliest of all the demographics of people.  What they found is that they were around people all day, but not in meaningful connection.  They didn't have strong social connections. But what we’re seeing is that it’s not just 60-year-old men, it’s spreading and it’s now infiltrating the rest of the population. 

 

The point is that real friendship, intentional connection, deeper social connection with people matters.  Matters more than we may realize.   

 

Arthur Brooks says if we are wondering where our social connection is, ask ourselves.  Do we have “deal friends or real friends”  He says real friends are useless, but not worthless, they are useless and he encourages us to ask, are our friendships just a little bit too useful?  Do we look around and can easily pinpoint the usefulness of the people around us?  

 

You are useless to me, and I love you.  Imagine that.  It’s this idea that connection comes from the intimacy of friendship.  I see those memes on social media, the idea that real friends come over and you don’t care if the house is a mess.  Real friends are the ones that sit on the kitchen floor with you because that is there your toddler wants to play in the tupperware drawer. 

 

So today, the message is simple. Real social connections are critical for happiness.  When you have a social connection, you are less likely to be lonely.  Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be an extrovert or be the life of the party.  It’s just finding a few friends that are completely useless to you. 

  

Until next time, remember, kindness is contagious. 

 

Inspired by:  Arthur C. Brooks on the Secret to a Happy Life | In Pursuit of Happiness

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKdaU_amFxI

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