ESSAY April 2022 - GIVING AWAY MY STEP ONE - Catherine H., Ohio, USA

My name is Catherine and my sobriety date is 31 March, 2021. Since I was a very young child, I have used my imagination to escape from reality. At a very early point that I can’t remember the impetus for, I began to be fascinated by and create narratives around corporal punishment. These imaginary scenarios were erotic for me, although not sexually explicit, and were always accompanied by masturbation. Masturbating was my pacifier, my comfort, my go-to for self-soothing. As a kid I would do it anywhere and was never found out. I became skilled at deception and hiding, and sometimes wondered how the adults in my life couldn’t tell. I was completely intolerant of uncomfortable situations, especially ones where I was in the wrong. If I was ever caught doing something wrong, I became a stone wall and refused to confess.