Episode 96: Suicide or mental health crisis: Is your child/family at risk?

Mental health issues and suicidal ideation is way more prevalent than most realize. Listen in for tips and resources! (Check out the show notes for more info!)

 

For warning signs of suicide, check out this article with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention: https://afsp.org/risk-factors-protective-factors-and-warning-signs

 

Mental health and Suicide resources mentioned in the show: 

 

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. https://www.afsp.org

Call or text 988 or text TALK to 741741.

Https://www.betterhelp.com

https://www.cerebral.com

https://www.opencounseling.com

Https://www.nami.org

 

Below are a few other hotlines and resources I found that you may find helpful:

• Peer Support Space hosts virtual peer support groups twice a day Monday through Saturday
• Project LETS provides support by text for urgent issues that involve involuntary hospitalization
• Wildflower Alliance has a peer support line and online support groups focused on suicide prevention

 

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Full Transcription: 

Speaker 1 (00:00):

The need for more prevalent and readily available mental health resources is I think probably we all can safely say at an all time high right now in this world in 2022. So today in memory of my little brother, I am bringing you an episode that is going to give you some pointers of different things, to be aware of, give you some resources that you can use, save them, have them in your back pocket. If you ever come to the point of needing them and pass them along to anyone and everyone that you know, so that we together can link arms and help this world with the mental health crisis that's going on right now, stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:44):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the be that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson.

Speaker 1 (01:09):

Hey friends, did you hear there is an app that will transform the safety of your kid's smartphone and technology use. It is my favorite way to sleep easy at night and have peace of mind because it is monitoring my kid's activity online without me being in their business. It is the bark app and yes, bark like a dog bark bark bark. It tells you when there's something that you need to be concerned about starting at a small fee each month, you can protect your whole family across all devices. Get connected with bark today. Use code, be that mom for 20% off your subscription for life and get a seven day free trial to check it out. So if you hadn't heard my episode, I think it was a couple of times ago, I, or a couple episodes ago, I talked about what has happened over the past year for me and my family.

Speaker 1 (01:54):

And one of those things is that we lost me and my siblings lost our little brother to what seems to be suicide in August of last year. We just came on a year on the ninth. And I say that with a little bit of hesitancy, because we can't know for a hundred percent certainty, unless we find a note or something like that. But the circumstances surrounding it make it highly unlikely that it was an accident. What happened? It does seem like it was intentional, even though it's so hard to believe that he would do this intentionally and that all of us that loved him so much and miss him so much were there for him. But as I've researched more about suicide and the circumstances around it, and knowing people who have attempted suicide and weren't successful that I've spoken to, I do believe that when someone is suicidal and they get into that space, they, you know, you could call it like that dark place.

Speaker 1 (02:50):

They believe that the world would be better off without them. And they no longer can see clearly how much it's going to hurt the people around them. They actually think that the, the people that they love will be better off if they're gone. And so when you reach that place, it's a very scary and dark place, but it is often a place where you don't reach out to family and you make your plans and you go through with it. So it's hard as a survivor to fathom someone getting to that place, but it is a very real thing. And so what I wanna talk about today is just some awareness around suicide and mental health issues and concerns. And then I wanna give you some resources for you, for your kids, for family members, so you can pass them along. So please check out the show notes of my episode.

Speaker 1 (03:42):

I'm going to put links for all of these things that I have come across. A lot of them have telehealth services. Most of 'em I think are probably private pay, but they have telehealth services. Some of them are free. I shouldn't misconstrue that some of them are absolutely free, but some of the counseling services are telehealth readily available for you. And then there's also free resources as well. If you need someone to talk to, or you have a family member that needs someone to talk to, I do have a personal friend who works with some of these services and she, and has an education and background and psychology or psychiatry and counseling. And she recommended some of these to me as resources. So I do think they come highly recommended in that space. I am not however, any type of mental health expert. That is not what my background is as a nurse practitioner, but I am coming to you as someone who lost a family member to this who has close people to me that have attempted suicide and just have a real and raw pain that like I've said in regards to all of the struggles that I've had with my kids and the digital things, I do believe that struggles and challenges are put upon or are put upon our doorstep for us to use, to become stronger or to pay forward as a gift to others.

Speaker 1 (05:06):

Or at the very least, we have the choice to make them a place where we can serve where we can help others to prevent others, to have to have things as hard as, as we have, or to somehow help them to not be in the same place. So any family or friends out there that know my brother and disagree with me on this stance and sharing this stuff, I do apologize if I offend you or hurt you in any way, but this is just intended to be an educational perspective and a place to help people. So please realize that and forgive me for that. So a couple of pointers, I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet because I know you're busy moms and you have things to do, but I do think this is very important, but first point is that suicide attempts and, and suicide being successful is way more prevalent than we realize mental health issues and people struggling with mental health is way more prevalent than we realize.

Speaker 1 (06:07):

We need to be talking to our family and our friends. We need to be doing face to face, intentional talking less of the staring at our phones and not being involved with our family and our friends. I can't tell you how much this past year has changed. My family, me and my siblings are closer. Me and my dad are closer on the anniversary of my brother's death. We all text and emailed each other to tell each other, we love you. We need to get together. Some of us don't live in the same, you know, state and part of the country, opposite parts of the country, actually. And so we're just trying to be more intentional about what we do and talking to each other and making sure that no problem out there, no issue in the world is ever too big for us to handle no judgment, no reason to be apprehensive about talking to each other.

Speaker 1 (07:09):

We are family. We are there for each other, and we will always make sure that we have each other's back. It's more prevalent than we realize. Talk to your kids, talk to your family. The second point I wanna make is that I believe a lot of the mental health issues and suicidal thoughts are perpetuated number one by the big, crazy world that we're living in right now. And all of the stuff we've had over the past two years. But number two is the interconnectedness of social media and all of the digital things like I've said before, an episode after episode, putting a phone or some type of digital connection into the hands of our children and allowing them to interact with it, consume it to all of that. Absolutely has an influence and absolutely is insidious. So be aware that when you allow your kiddo to have social media, to have like, be on Roblox or anything where they're interacting with other people, there is an influence there, there, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (08:08):

Sorry. My, as a side note, my little, uh, apple watch keeps dinging and I can't figure out how to make it quit dinging. It used to never make noise. And now all of a sudden it makes noise and I can't figure out how to turn it off, like technologically challenged over here. But if you hear dinging, that's what it is. I've tried multiple times to turn it off my, as I should have just left it in another room. But anyways, all of those things do have an influence and they make, as far as in, from the perspective of, of a child, there's an influence in the brain there of chemicals and all of that, their thought process, their self-esteem, those type of things. And then also the feeling of not good enough of comparing themselves to others, of seeing other people being invited to things.

Speaker 1 (08:48):

And they're not all of that is there and is an influence. So it absolutely is something to be aware of when you are allowing the access to those things. And then the third thing, I guess I kind of already said this, but most aren't aware when someone else's they know is struggling. We absolutely were not with my brother. Like truly didn't know he had been serving overseas, both in the military and as a contractor for most of his adult life. And when 2020 hit, he was stuck over there and could not get back. He was a contractor. He wasn't active duty military at that time. And so the military would only prioritize getting the military back and the contractors were just left. And so he was stuck there for a good, oh, I don't even know. I think it was almost a year that he was there and that was a very, very hard time for him.

Speaker 1 (09:41):

He reached out to all of us at that time and we all stayed in, touched. I text him every week on the weekend to check in with him until, and that was like, he reached out to us in August and he was back on us soil in December. And when he was back on us soil, we kind of all assumed he was okay. I didn't check back in regularly. I actually hadn't talked to him in a while because he was busy with his family and I was busy with mine. So most people aren't aware when someone else is struggling, make sure you reach out, talk to people, be real, be honest. If you notice something's off with them, ask them all they can do is say, no, dude, I'm fine. That type of thing. And then the last point I wanna make is there is help out there.

Speaker 1 (10:24):

There's help out there. And I'm gonna list in the show notes, multiple options for you to look for resources. And I wanna hit on a couple of the top ones here that I'm gonna mention. These are a few websites that have resources for counseling. There's open counseling.com. There's better help.com and cerebral.com. All of those have resources where you can get in touch with them, someone like a counselor, or get help. Some of them will do prescribe medication and that type of stuff too. And then a couple of other resources for mental health. There is a website called NAMI N a mi.org. And I stumbled across this one in my research today called American foundation for suicide prevention. That one actually has local chapters and they do fundraising opportunities, different educational talks and things like that. So a place for you to get involved, if you have the passion and the desire to do that, and then the last place, and I'm gonna list some other things in my show notes that I'm not listing here, just some other things that I've ran across and might be helpful for you.

Speaker 1 (11:32):

But the other thing I wanna mention, and I wanna take a few moments to talk about. This is the new line. It's kind of like a 9 1, 1 thing, but it's 9, 8, 8. And it is for, to connect someone with a counselor. It is like, basically, if someone is feeling suicidal, they need to, to vent. They need to talk about what's going on. They're overwhelmed with their situation. This is a place where they will directly connect you with someone that can talk to you. Now, recently there was someone that posted that, um, this 9, 8, 8 number, when you text them, they were gonna send a cop to your home and they were gonna involuntarily detain you if you said you were suicidal. And so I researched that little viral thing thread that went through. I actually have a friend who works for the 9 88 counseling service. And she said they were bombarded with prank calls because they were trying to jam up the lines of this because they said, when you text this number, they get, they take you away and involuntarily detain you and all of this stuff.

Speaker 1 (12:37):

And it sounds crazy, but it really was kind of an emergent situation because the people that needed help couldn't get through because these people were jamming up the line. But what this service has said is that no, they do not call the cops and involuntarily detain you. The purpose of their service is to connect you with someone who can talk to you, who can help you to have a different perspective, help you to see the positive in your situation, help you to find the resources that you need to get out of that mindset and that idea of taking your life. And then if they feel like they cannot get you to the place of where you were like deescalated from that mindset, that idea that in having a plan, that type of thing, then they will call emergency services, but they are not able to like locate you by GPS.

Speaker 1 (13:26):

They don't know where you are. Exactly. Any type of that, any type of thing like that, they basically will call nine one, one or call law enforcement, give them your phone number, give them your name and any information that you have provided, but they're not there just to automatically take people out of their homes and, and voluntarily detain them. So I think that 9 88 number is an amazing resource. I wish we would've had it a year ago. I wish I would've had all of this information a year ago. And I wish I would have known that my family member was struggling and that my family member needed someone to talk to. So please take all these resources that I have mentioned and be very proactive with your family, with your kids. Know there's an influence out there, know that most people won't say that they're struggling talk to the people that mean something to you in your life.

Speaker 1 (14:16):

And I don't mean to minimize that, but talk to everybody, be aware that it's an issue, know that everybody out there right now is probably struggling to some degree and that we need to link arms and help each other. So check out the show notes for those resources that I mentioned, and please share those, save them, share them, pass that 9 88 number along, put it places, post it on your stories, on your social media, all of that stuff, and share that that resource is out there for anyone and everyone that needs it. Okay. So thank you so much for listening today. I hope this was good information for you and that someone out there can find this helpful and that you'll find the help that you need in your moment of crisis. If you ever get to that point. Okay. I was all wrapping this up and about to send it off to my editor and realize that I missed sharing with you.

Speaker 1 (15:07):

Probably one of the most important tools that you can have in place, if you are having concerns, when it comes to your kiddo and all the digital things, and that is adding bark to your village and what you're doing with your kiddo, if you're allowing them to have social media and a phone bark gives them privacy, allows them to have conversations and do their, you know, their growing up thing, but it monitors their conversations. Unless you're going into apps like Snapchat, that may have things set up to where you can't monitor their conversations. But in general, like if they're texting a friend or something to that effect, it's gonna pick up on keywords that might indicate there's a concern, something you need to talk to them about, and it will send you an alert and let you know of the things that it picked up on so that you can open up that conversation.

Speaker 1 (15:57):

So that has to be probably the best tool that's out there right now for us parents, as we raise our kids with all the digital things is to have something in place like that that provides them some privacy, but also picks up on the most important and most concerning things that sometimes can get missed, because I admit it's hard to decipher the moods and all of the things going on with our kids, you know, and they get annoyed with us when we ask too many questions and, you know, just the struggle of is it just normal puberty and growing up, is it just a mood swing? Is it something more that we need to be concerned about? That's really hard to decipher. And sometimes we can go down the wrong path and miss things because of just, you know, kind of the similarities of just normal growing up, along with something that might be going on with them.

Speaker 1 (16:47):

So when they're like closed up and won't talk to you, this could be a way for you to be alerted of things that are going on, that maybe they're telling someone else that they're talking to. And that way you can, um, you know, open up the conversation and have an awareness, talk to them about the things that you're concerned about and that type of thing. So, oh my gosh, I can't believe I almost left that off of this episode. It probably needed to be a much more extensive talk in regards to that. But when it comes to bark, like I've mentioned, like I have in the different little blurbs that I talk about on most of the episodes, you can use my code, be that mom and get a discount. I believe it still gives you 20% off and that's for life of your subscription.

Speaker 1 (17:28):

So if you have it for multiple years, when you renew, you still get my discount. So use code, be that mom, to get your discount on bark. If you don't already have that, they do give you like a seven day free trial. And they also are very responsive to having any tech diff difficulties. So if you're tech challenged, like I am, you can talk to them. Them they'll even get on a zoom call with you and help walk you through things. There are different limitations of different apps and different computers and different setups. So they can kind of walk you through that and help you to set up the most ideal setting. Nothing is a hundred percent nothing out there can possibly be a hundred percent because of the way the phones are, the way the apps are, the way kids are. So this is just one way to add a layer to help you out.

Speaker 1 (18:14):

Okay? So don't disregard that if you don't have bark yet, I don't care what type of device you're giving them bar can help you to some degree. And it has to be one of the best things out there, and they are available in more countries now. And I meant to look that up before I got on the episode, but it's not just the us. It's not just Canada. There are multiple other countries that they're available in now. So if you're listening from another country, look them up in the us. It's barked at us search for bark industries or something to that effect, bark parental controls, and you should be able to find a website for them. And then see if they're available where you are. If not, hopefully there's something comparable where you are. I do think that that is like an extra set of eyes and ears for us parents, as we're raising our kids, we can't be there all of the time.

Speaker 1 (19:00):

We have to, at some point, provide them some independence and there's a fine line between monitoring and it affecting their relationship with you if you're too strict for too long. So at some point you gotta kind of let the string out. In my opinion, let the string out a little bit, giving them a little bit more independence, but having a way to monitor and pull them back in if need be. Okay. So nothing's perfect. Like I said before, every child is different. So this is gonna look different for every child. Every situation certainly don't ignore your gut and pull back from all of it. If you feel like that is necessary until you figure out the root of whatever it is, that's going on, that's nagging at your gut. But I do think that bark is an amazing thing. Anything like bark is an amazing thing to provide some independence, allow them to get their feet wet into the world while also having that safety net that will help you to be your eyes and ears so that you're not like driving yourself crazy, trying to look through text and, and messages and seeing if they're deleting things and all of that stuff.

Speaker 1 (20:06):

Okay. So I'm so glad I remembered to add that on. I hope you listened all the way to the end here. I think that was probably the best part of the episode, but thanks so much for listening. I am trying to put out more consistent episodes, but also kind of giving myself some grace with a lot of things that are going on in our world right now that I haven't mentioned here. So thank you so much for listening. Please check out the course that I have coming out. I've talked about it multiple times, but it is your place to have a roadmap and a toolkit to guide you on this path to give you resources and places to pivot. And then to just give you the layers that I highly recommend and think are essential as we let our kids out into the digital world. Okay. Thanks so much. Have a great day. Bye.

Speaker 2 (20:49):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time.

Speaker 1 (21:03):

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