Marriage A to Z: Affirm Each Other

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Marriage   -  Affirm Each Other

A. What do we mean?
Definition , Affirm - offer (someone) emotional support or encouragement.

What to affirm -- Your acceptance, love, small victories or steps in right direction. Not affirm negative behaviors, sin, etc.

For every negative thing you say, you need to say 7 positives, otherwise, all they hear is the criticism.

B. Why affirm each other? important, in general, for relationships/couples.      People need to know that they are accepted, loved. First, and most importantly by God, then by spouse.

C. How do we affirm each other?
What is affirming? using encouraging, supportive words to show support of the other person in their difficulty.
But also, ongoing affirmation in the relationship. Saying "I love you" even when there are no problems! Should be a natural part of the relationship

When?
-- when spouse is unsure of himself
-- whenever you notice something you enjoy about him/her, something that pleases you
--  Not only to spouse, but in describing spouse to friends -- using affirming words.

examples

1. Susan share struggle about dealing with friend. Not sure how to respond, how to deal with stuff. By listening and providing support, Norman helped Susan see things clearer, affirm the good she is doing, gently suggest ways to go forward.

2. When one is depressed, the other can encourage, physically loving, speaking words of love, speaking words of truth (identity in Christ).

3. (Not only problem-based!) "Thank you for ...."  Little, ongoing words and actions in life! Noticing the other person's contributions, efforts, character -- and voicing it.

4. Example of Paul to church at Corinth. Though they had some major problems and sins, Paul encouraged and affirmed them by saying, "You are saints! You are loved by God! You have all you need to do God's work!" (Later, he addressed their needs.)

D. Benefits of applying this in your marriage - build relationship by building spouse's confidence, security, sense of acceptance. By blessing spouse, the blessing will most likely return to you, too!