110 - Healing Painful Memories

Many of us are plagued with a memory of something we did in the past which we can’t seem to get out of our minds. Even though we may have confessed it to the Lord and are confident He has forgiven us, the memory of that event still lingers and every so often rushes back into our thoughts to torment us. For some reason we have not been able to free ourselves from it. It still influences our thinking, our decision-making, or the way we view ourselves. If we’ve let others know that we are struggling in this way it’s likely that we have received a lot of conflicting advice. And there is always someone who means well, who tells us to simply leave that event in the past and move on. He or she urges us to stop fixating on negative things and be happy, and that advice may have worked for them, but for those of us who have so betrayed our own standards that we can’t forgive ourselves, even if we know that God does, that memory doesn’t disappear no matter how hard we try to focus on the future and move on.

Jesus’ purpose in asking Peter these three questions, as they walked along the beach at the Sea of Galilee, was not to shame him for his failure. He wasn’t bringing up his past to punish him. He was releasing him from the grip of a painful memory. Yet to heal Peter properly Jesus had to reopen that wound. Peter had done the very thing he had sworn he would never do, and it had broken something inside him. He wasn’t the same man anymore, and couldn’t move on in his calling until that was healed. By that time, he had already had a private meeting with Jesus and surely knew that he was forgiven, but the painful memory of those denials was going to continue to torment him until it was properly addressed. It would leave him vulnerable to the devil’s accusations. When the time came for him to step out in ministry doubts would arise. Did he really love Jesus? Would his courage collapse again the next time he was confronted with danger?

So, Jesus took Peter aside and walked down the beach with him, and one by one connected the memory of those three denials with a new memory of confessing his love for Jesus and hearing Jesus call him again into His service. Thankfully, John walked behind the two of them (v20), heard what was said, and realized the importance of what he heard. That he refused to close his gospel until he had reported this conversation indicates how significant John felt that conversation was. I’m sure he understood that many of us, like Peter, would need more than forgiveness if we were going to be free from our past and move forward in our calling. He knew we would need what Peter needed: a new memory and a fresh call.