In the Winter of Our Relationships

NOTE - There are some recording audio disturbances in the first minute. Do excuse. 

 

What is it about conversations, that the ones most essential, are the ones we avoid the most?

 

With our anger or distress brimming over, are we afraid to show the power the other has over us to leave us with such vulnerability? Are we just frightened of the uncharted route the conversation might take? Are we afraid that however tenuous the fraught relationship, this was still one precious relationship, and why should we ruin it by cleaving it apart?

 

Or are we simply afraid to face our own truths, in the voices we still love or once loved dearly?

 

I’m personally afraid of strong reactions, of reactions which start at point a and then proceed to reach point z in a rush, annihilating everything in their wake. Conversations have often turned to slugging matches, and invariably resulted in arteries of our inner being being torn into shreds.

 

So many of my conversations have got completely emotionally wrought, where views are construed as accusations, where thoughts to resolve are taken as signs of intolerance, where everything ends with the words “You hate what I say and think and do. I will just withdraw into myself and not utter a word again.”

 

Conversations seeking reconciliation have ended in more distances.

 

What do we do to have conversations which bring us closer, to have distrust change into trust and our relationship to then build on that, to see honest feedback about the other’s characteristics, not as things we dislike but as the desire of a loved one to help the other.

 

I have realised that the depth of a relationship doesnt have a natural correlation with its width. Often the longest bonds are deep in habit and shallow in their richness. It is not a question of seeing each other’s best and worst and knowing each other inside out, but a simple question of respect. When you try to understand what the other means to say, when you try to know what makes the other do what they do, when you have faith enough to know that listening and absorbing are more difficult but more rewarding than merely reacting.

 

The persistence of a bond is a miracle, but seeking its depth with grace is a bigger one.

 

If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems on collapsing relationships -

• Favourite People (Who We Love & Leave)
• The Door Is Unlocked. I Am Awake
• Love's Night of the Long Knives

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Get in touch with me on uncutpoetrynow@gmail.com

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The details of the music used in this episode are as follows -

Music: Primeval [Electronic] by Banjopickerdee
Free download: https://filmmusic.io/song/9988-primeval-electronic
License (CC BY 4.0): https://filmmusic.io/standard-license