SLP 94: Self Love Quicky – Self Awareness is the key to Self Love

If we’ve been stuck in the opposite to love, if we are in the throes of challenges and struggles, then we may be in the painful cycle of being ‘absent’ from ourselves, and we may be wondering how we will ever feel happiness or love again. Believe it or not, the minute we acknowledge our behaviour and become aware of what we’re doing, we’re automatically straight back into the power of self-love. It’s that easy!

When we become aware of things that pull us from the self-love, we can focus on what to do when we become present to what is. But what is it that has us missing the meaning of this presence, this mindfulness? When life and time passes us by and we feel harassed by the demands of family and work, we may feel that we are constantly making mistakes. We’re never present in the moment and there is just never enough time to do everything we ‘should’. We’re confused more than we are clear, we’re rushed, stressed, anxious, and maybe even feeling depressed. We’re convinced we’re totally alone in a busy world.

We could be surrounded by a hundred people and still feel completely disconnected. We beat ourselves up for not being enough for those we love, we’re irritable, withdrawn, and apathetic and can’t figure out why self-sabotage follows so closely behind everything we attempt to get right!

Phew……. There is a high price to pay for being ‘absent’ from doing the best WE can, to live the life we’ve created.

“The ability to look within through reflection and in-sight. It’s an in-side job.”  Renee England

I hear people asking, “Is there an alternative?”

Imagine knowing our own mind, behaviours, and how it feels to truly BE YOU.

Imagine what it would be like to master the inner conversation so that above all, we were kind to ourselves, first and foremost.

Imagine having the tools to be able to stay connected to YOU, no matter what the outside circumstances were presenting you with.

And imagine knowing that the moment we do become aware of our thoughts, actions, and behaviours, we are back in the circle of self-love.

We may even recognise ourselves in any of the scenarios I’ve mentioned above, and in this podcast I will give you the top five signs of self-awareness and how we can spend more time in flow, and less time in fight or flight!

What I love about this journey is that self-awareness is the very first step in getting ourselves back into the self-love circle. That’s why it makes sense that we explore this powerful tool right here and at this point in this guide.

Believe it or not, the minute we acknowledge our behaviour and become aware of what we’re doing, we’re automatically straight back into the self-love. It’s that easy!

The minute you notice you are not yourself, feeling down, judging, or beating up on yourself, or using more negative language, you are ready. For when you notice, you are self-reflecting, and back in the circle of self-love. It’s that simple. Awareness is the opening, the beginning, the start of the healing.

To say that I am inspired by someone who gets knocked down and then gets up and on with their life is an understatement. I have seen many amazing people demonstrate their ability to get up again, in formidable ways, and it all starts with self-awareness. To arrest their own ego and bring awareness to the way they handle life’s events, there seems to be vital steps they all take. I’ve also added a few additional hints on how to begin assuming the ‘observer’ role in your own life, so that while you may not always get it right, you can at least be aware of what you can change to do it better next time.

Here are some more insights to support your own self-enquiry and awareness.

Step 1: Be aware of how you behave in all situations. Observe yourself for a week.

Bring your attention to your thoughts, beliefs, and habits. Create a relationship with yourself by listening to everything you say to yourself, how you respond in certain situations and experiences; watch how your habits may limit the choices you have as life unfolds moment by moment. There is no need to do anything about these observations initially; it’s enough to just have the awareness.

Step 2: Write down your reactions, behaviours and actions.

If needed, think what you could have done better. Once you have observed yourself for at least a week, take notice of, and journal your thoughts, beliefs, habits, and behaviours. Keep your phone or a notebook close on hand so you can jot down what you observe about yourself.  Notice if your behaviours are contributing to the outcomes you are creating.  Maybe reflect on what other outcomes could have been achieved if you had been more selective, conscious, and aware of yourself. Start by noting the kind of outcomes you’d prefer, and then work backward to the thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours you will need to develop to bring the new outcomes to life.

Remember that it is important to understand that the life you have created right now, is a result of the YOU that you’ve been, up until now. In the areas that you are not satisfied, the only way to effect change is to determine what you would prefer to experience in terms of outcomes first, and then to ‘build a new version of you’ in that area. We do this by working through ‘who’ we are being while we are doing what we are doing. Our thoughts, beliefs, actions, behaviours, and inner dialogue are the keys to creating change, and I’d like to invite you to spend some time, first in self-reflection and observation, and then, invest some energy into ‘re-creation’.

Step 3: Check in with your beliefs and perceptions. Do they benefit you?

Do we waste energy judging ourselves and others? Are we expecting the world to be a certain way, and when it does not meet our expectations, do we spiral into resentment, negative self-talk, and exhaustion? That incredible lump of grey matter between our two ears make is where all of our beliefs and perceptions lay. They are not necessarily true, right, or real, but when we relate to them like they are, we’re forced to judge the rightness or wrongness of ourselves and the world around us.

I’m not suggesting that we give up everything we believe, because that is not possible, but I am encouraging us to ask, “does this perception or belief work for me? And then FEEL how you feel when you act on those beliefs or perceptions. Does it leave you feeling happy and energised, or does it leave you feeling negative, heavy or tired?

Your inner world is completely determined by what, and how, you speak to yourself. When you swap your attention to focus on how you feel inside, rather than reacting to what is happening outside, you can make new decisions and choices that will bring you not only greater self-awareness, but greater self-love. By putting in the effort here, you put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your life.

Life has a way of sending you challenges and opportunities in order to continue growing and it is HOW you choose to behave in life that determines the outcomes you attract.   Awareness = Attraction.

Step 4: Invest in a great exercise regime that demands your attention.

Choose to participate in activities like running, walking, yoga, or swimming, on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be strenuous, as that is not the objective. The reason I recommend this sort of exercise is because most physical activities require your mindfulness.

Psychologists say that we spend up to ninety percent of our day on autopilot. When this happens, we are effectively not present in the here and now of our lives. When we live this way, it is difficult to be self-aware because we become so distracted with regrets, memories of the past, or anticipation and anxiety of the future. When the mind is so busy with chatter and noise, we forget to stop and breathe in our surroundings; feel the wind on our skin, enjoy the juicy crunch of an apple, or lose ourselves in the laughter of a child.

By giving ourselves physical activities to do daily, we give ourselves the opportunity to go into a mindful state and support our self-awareness at the same time. This mindfulness opportunity brings our focus into our body, mind and spirit, rather than what is going on around us and outside of us.

A great tip after completing the physical activity is to take at least five minutes to breathe slowly and/or meditate. I know this kind of stillness can be challenging for a lot of people, and there have been many times that my life has been so hectic that the thought of having to stop and sit still even for a minute has caused me more frustration than peace. It’s not always easy, but making the time to quiet the mind after moving the body will bring benefits you can only understand once you’ve done the practice.

Personally, I’m a huge fan of Transcendental Meditation (TM). I’ve been doing it for many years on and off, depending on the time I have available.

While my busy schedule doesn’t always allow me to do the full twenty minutes morning and night in TM, I always try to do something to soothe my mind. That could be a guided meditation by Dr Joe Dispenza, or my Podcast co-host Carren Smith, or I will spend a few minutes practicing being mindful; it could be watching the warm flame dancing beneath my vaporizer or paying close attention to everything I am cutting up for a beautiful meal. Restorative breathing using an aromatic tissue has been an absolute game changer for me.

You can take control of your life, and your mind, instead of allowing your ego to run the show. Regardless of any frustration or resistance you might have with meditation keep trying. This is you telling your ego mind that you are in control and you will create your life to be the way YOU want it!

Self-Love is your birth right, so it’s important you claim it. This starts with self-awareness and your willingness to look inside, quiet the mind and the body, and pay attention to how it feels to BE you.

Mindfulness = Self-Awareness.

Step 5: Create a rituals kit

This will remind you to bring your attention and awareness back to yourself as opposed to what is happening outside. Remember, you’re working on creating change in your life and it’s going to take a bit of effort on your behalf to do things a bit differently. Participating in consistent rituals will ensure that these changes taking place deep inside of you happen more quickly, and their effects last more permanently. My favourite rituals involve essential oils and include things like the daily body boost ritual and using a diffuser. You can check out The Art Of Self Love for more information and ideas available at www.twenty8.com

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