663-My Biggest Happiness Takeaways From Writing 660+ Happiness Podcast Episodes: Miswanting

Our brains will always be mistaken about how happy something will make us in the future. As humans, we almost always mispredict the duration of how good or bad a feeling will be. This is one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcast episodes. Tune in to learn more. 

 

Transcript:

 

Welcome to Everyday Happiness, I'm your host Katie Jefcoat, and as we close out this podcast, we invite you to join our happy mail email community, where you’ll continue to get happiness and kindness content delivered straight to your inbox.  We think it’s the happiest email in your inbox. You can join at www.katiejefcoat.com 

 

Today, I share one of my biggest takeaways from writing 668 daily happiness podcasts.  It starts with a lecture from Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos who introduces the work of researchers and professors Tim Wilson at the University of Virginia, and Dan Gilbert at Harvard.  They coined this fantastic term called MISWANTING. The definition of this is “this act of being mistaken about what and how much you're going to like these things in the future.” The problem is that our brains deliver to us this idea that we want certain things, but we are often wrong about it. We are constantly miswanting.

 

So why does this miswanting occur, and what can we do about it?  Well, the researchers seem to think that just being aware of our biases is the way to counterbalance miswanting.  It can be as simple as wanting a doughnut.  I want a fried dough ball with sugary frosting, it will taste good, and it will make me happy.  I eat the doughnut, and although it tastes delightful at the moment, now, I am no longer happier - the feeling didn’t last.  I miswanted. 

 

This all comes down to the perils of us humans predicting our future feelings, and people specifically mispredict the duration of how good or bad a feeling will be.  

 

This means that our intuition, and our minds, are playing tricks on us and making us think things that are just false.  We see this with algebra problems, vision exercises - which table is longer - on social media.  We think it’s one thing, but the fact is, it’s definitely the other. 

 

You think that if you walk out of your house and get hit by a car, you will be unhappy for the rest of your life.  But that’s also just not true. 

 

You think that if you are in school and you get better grades than you expect, you will be happier.  You think that if you win the lottery, all of your worries will disappear, and you will be the happiest ever.  But all of this is just not true.  It’s not how happiness works.  The data says you will go back to baseline. Scientists call this hedonic adaptation.  It’s when you get that job promotion, and you think that’s all you’ll ever need, and a few years later, you want another promotion.   

 

This is fascinating because we can see how our brain tricks us into choosing material items or goals that are just wrong.  We think the bad thing will be so much worse than it is, and we think the good thing, winning the lottery, will be so much better than it is.  We humans get it wrong - almost all of the time.

 

We also know that our mind compares our wants against reference points instead of absolutes, and then, our minds have this terrible tendency to get used to stuff, and we don’t even realize it.  But, the good news is that if we are intentional, we can overcome these human biases. 

 

When we think about the ways we try to make ourselves happy, Dr. Santos says the first way is to not invest in awesome material stuff.  Even if we think it’s the coolest thing.  The new car just becomes the car.  Being aware of it is half the battle. We get used “stuff” and over time, there just isn’t that much happiness to derive from it. 

 

On the flip side, forget about the stuff and, instead, consider investing in experiences. Experiences don’t stick around, we don’t have time to adapt to them.  So what we are left with is this wonderful memory of the experience. 

 

The science indicates that people who invest in experiences are, in fact, happier. So instead of thinking about how you might treat yourself with stuff, change it around and think about experiences instead.

 

Also, it’s hard to have a social comparison when you are talking about a trip versus a new pair of shoes or your car versus someone else's car.  So if we are the type of people that invest in experiences, we are more likely to not compare ourselves to other people’s awesome experiences. 

 

The insight is simple.  As humans, we will overestimate almost all of the time how happy something will make us. Be aware of that the next time you want something.  Consider experiences over things and push against social comparison. Being intentional about our thoughts, with this piece of knowledge, is one way we can boost our happiness. 

 

Life is heavy enough; we shouldn’t have to search for happiness.  Get the exclusive happiness email, delivered with a smile twice a month to your inbox. https://www.katiejefcoat.com/email 

 

And, let’s connect on social at @everydayhappinesswithkatie  and join the community on the hashtags #IntentionalMargins and #everydayhappinesswithkatie on Instagram

 

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