E33: Coping with Rejection in Recovery

In this episode we explore the feeling of rejection. We are joined by musician Benjamin Lerner, Becki, the founder of the soberlife.love sober dating website, and Steve's friend Andrea. Listen as we share how rejection has affected our patterns of thinking and behavior over the years - even starting in childhood - and how we're learning to live with the feelings instead of drinking them away. 

"If I felt rejection, I internalized it deeply. I rejected myself, rejected who I was."

Some of the points we cover include:

• The beginning of our unhealthy coping mechanisms, going back to our teens
• Internal rejection - when we start rejecting authentic selves
• Feeling left out and excluded
• Reframing the stories we tell ourselves - changing the narrative
• Undoing the chameleon effect - becoming who "they" want you to be
• Fitting in vs. Belonging
• Learning not to take things personally
• Recognizing and releasing our desire to control things
• Refuting negative self talk
• Having the courage to share tough experiences with others
• The shame that rejection causes
• Discovering our true identity
• The reality that our growth might make others uncomfortable

"I thought of all the times I had held myself back from growth in order to not be rejected."

Benjamin Lerner, the Great-grandson of Irving Berlin (composer of such iconic tunes as “God
Bless America” and “White Christmas”), is a Vermont-based Composer, Writer, Radio Host, and
Recovery Advocate. Benjamin started his musical career as a classical piano prodigy. By his early
twenties, he was an IV heroin and crack cocaine addict. Now sober since June 13, 2016, he
journals his journey in addiction and sobriety in his piano-raps, which combine classical piano
and rap. Benjamin credits his continued success in recovery to his ability to express his
emotions relating to his struggle through word and song.
Benjamin has had the pleasure of performing for the National Academy of Medicine and The
Aspen Institute. In 2019, he was the composer-in-residence at 1761 Arts, in 2021, he appeared
on legendary Hip Hop DJ Funkmaster Flex’s Unsigned Cypher Vol. 2 and performed a rap about
recovery and he made his Carnegie Hall debut in April 2022 as part of the Indie Collaborative.
Benjamin’s debut album, CLEAN, was released in February 2020. It was produced at Old Mill
Road Recording in East Arlington, Vermont. Benjamin regularly posts recovery-affirming videos
on platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok, which have accrued millions of views.
Benjamin’s weekly column, also entitled, CLEAN, is published weekly in the Vermont News
Guide. In January 2021, Benjamin started hosting CLEAN Jams on 102.7 WEQX, an innovative
radio program that shines a spotlight on rap, hip-hop, and recovery. CLEAN Jams is sponsored
by Old Mill Road Media. The Composer and Inspirational Speaker has received significant
acclaim for his efforts. The Vermont Commissioner of Health, Dr. Mark Levine, stated:
“Benjamin Lerner’s ability to articulate his life struggling with addiction – and the challenges of
Recovery – is truly remarkable. I am inspired by his commitment to sharing his story and
advocating for those engaged in the same struggle. As we unite to confront the disease of
addiction, we must focus not only on the challenges we face, but also recognize and take
inspiration from those who, like Benjamin Lerner, are succeeding against all odds.”

Becki is an inspiring individual who achieved a remarkable milestone on 6.8.2020 when she chose to get sober at the age of 50. Her journey towards sobriety was not an easy one, but Becki's determination and strength allowed her to rebuild her life and achieve a healthier and happier future.

In addition to her personal journey, Becki has also made a significant impact in the lives of others. She recognized a need for a supportive community for individuals in recovery who are seeking meaningful relationships and founded Soberlife.love, a sober dating website.

Through her website, Becki has created a safe and supportive environment for individuals in recovery to connect with others who share similar experiences and values. 

Let’s Connect!

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Find a full transcript of this episode at throughtheglassrecovery.com