Ep. 181 | I Finally Watched... Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

Welcome to June 2023 or as we like to call it... Guy Ritchie month aka David's month and to start we review Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.

We hope you enjoy this riveting good time as we yank each others chain and of course talk about the movie, the actors, and the director hisself!!!

 

Music by: Jessejacethomas.bandcamp.com

Website: www.ifinallywatchedpodcast.com

And say hi to us on Instagram and Twitter @finallywatched

 

 

TRANSCRIPT:

This movie was having trouble getting distribution.
And so she called an acquaintance of hers to help them get distribution.
And that was Tom Cruise.
I knew it.
I knew it was gonna be Tom Cruise.
I was like,
who's it gonna be Tom Cruise?
I should have said it.
Fuck.
So he apparently attended a screen.
I'm gonna be Tom Cruise finally marched,
finally marched,
finally watched,
I know it.
Hey,
everybody.
Welcome to another episode of I finally watched,
this is David and this is a and I finally watched Lock Stock and Two Smoke and Barrels.
So this month we are going to do four Guy Ritchie movies.
Um This being his,
his debut,
we're doing them chronologically.
And I was remembering back when I watched this and so I watched this on DVD or Blu Ray like way after it came out,
I think when I was in like law school,
college or law school and I watched it after a night of like,
I just didn't go to sleep the night before,
not like partying or anything,
just like never slept.
Um And so my memory of it was definitely hazy,
but I had seen it before.
Um,
and watching it this time,
I feel very similarly to,
like Quentin Tarantino in that.
It's a really great first film.
But by and large,
I like almost everything after it more.
Like after this we're gonna do Snatch.
And I think that's like a perfect comparison with,
like Lock Stock and Snatch to reservoir dogs.
And then Pulp Fiction.
Um,
I think you'll like Snatch like a lot better too.
Um,
like where,
where he has like an idea or like,
uh,
his,
his,
um,
skill,
skill set.
Yeah,
it just,
it gets better.
It's just like,
it's like a much smaller,
it's like a much smaller scale movie.
Yeah,
that's what I was saying.
Why did you say that?
You started saying it?
He has an idea.
No,
I was saying an idea of his and I was trying to find the word,
like,
um,
aesthetic and then kind of like,
um,
polished it up a bit for the second one.
Well,
he's given a lot more like money to do it and,
yeah,
he's just got kind of the notoriety this movie.
I don't know if you realize this.
So,
this is Jason Statham's first movie.
Um,
Vinnie Jones who plays Big Chris is a professional soccer player before this,
who was like,
apparently did this movie while he was,
like,
banned from playing is what I read.
So,
like,
I think I read somewhere that,
like,
17 out of the 40 something speaking parts were from people who had never acted before.
Right.
That is it.
That's interesting.
Yeah,
because now,
like Jason Statham is,
is,
uh a well known actor but so is,
uh,
so is the ex soccer player,
see Vinny Vinny?
Um,
and like in the next movie in Snatch,
he gets Brad Pitt.
Right.
So it's like,
kind of a very similar thing,
although Quentin with reservoir dogs,
I mean,
I,
I guess,
I don't remember,
like,
if those were all bigger names,
they were definitely,
like,
known actors then,
but it's just,
I don't know,
it's very similar.
I,
uh,
really enjoyed watching this this time.
It's an interesting movie to talk about because,
like,
I think the plot is so linear in that,
like,
you can kind of,
you can kind of see everything being telegraphed to set up the end.
Yeah.
Um,
but it's also just like a very fun movie to watch with like the kind of the Banter and the,
like,
the British slang throughout.
Um,
a,
what did you think?
So?
So,
I went in it and I was,
um,
I'm,
I'm looking after my niece this week so having,
like,
not a lot of time to myself watching movies.
Uh,
I,
I know what it's like with you having,
having kids.
Your hair looks very disheveled today.
I was like,
oh,
man,
it's really parenthood's really hitting him this week.
I just got out of the pool.
Ok.
He got me some slack.
Um,
no,
but,
but so I haven't had much time to myself.
Um,
and the first couple nights we had her,
we put her down super late.
So,
um,
I was kind of trying to fit it in before bed started it at 11 and it got maybe like 30 40 minutes in.
And basically I was like,
I gotta,
I gotta watch this at another time and then when I rewatched it,
um,
I just restarted the movie instead of starting it from the 40 minute point,
right?
And so I just restarted the movie and I'm glad I did because there were so many things that I missed like half paying attention to it.
But like you said,
it's this huge build up at the end,
but they start laying down the pieces in the very beginning.
So,
um so yeah,
if you like really pay attention to the movie from the get go,
you see that they're starting that they're setting up stuff that's gonna play out,
you know,
uh an hour later,
which I think is,
which I think is really cool.
And yeah,
I mean,
I,
we were talking about how many guy Ritchie films I watched before this and it's not,
not many.
Yeah,
you said Aladdin and then you think you've seen all of man from Uncle,
but you're not sure.
No,
I've definitely seen Man from Uncle.
Um and Aladdin.
I don't know you,
when we talked,
we talked about it on this pot.
So anyone who listened to that part of it,
you're like,
I kind of remember unless we cut that out,
but I remember there was a car chase and there was a wall and,
well,
it's because it was just so long ago I saw it in theaters when it first came out.
I don't know.
What was that?
2011?
No,
no.
That one must have been like 2017 or something.
It came out in 2015 so close.
Um,
yeah,
so,
so what,
seven years,
eight years ago?
So,
you know,
whatever.
Um,
but yeah,
I think those are the only two,
even though I've heard of him and a lot of his films,
I just haven't really sat down and watched them.
Which,
well,
it's funny because I don't think a Aladdin is not like,
it's not really what you go to when you're trying to watch a Guy Ritchie film,
I think,
man from UN and Man from Uncle is also fairly different.
It's kind of a James Bond.
So for this month we're doing lock stock,
we're doing Snatch,
we're doing Rock and Roller,
which is one of my favorite and probably like that almost might have been my entry point into Guy Ritchie movies was Rock and Roller and then we're doing his latest one or it was his latest one up until like just a little while ago because he just had to come out Ruz Deer.
Um,
something fortunate.
And then,
um,
the covenant that just came out.
So,
um,
I'm excited to do all of those.
I think.
Let's just start from the top of this.
And I,
you were saying that the first time you watched this,
you watched like 30 minutes.
But I thought you told me that you're like,
oh,
yeah,
I started last night but I didn't get very far.
And I was like,
well,
where did you get to?
And you're like,
where they were throwing all the jewelry as they're rutted down the stairs.
And I was like,
that's three minutes into the movie.
Like max.
Um,
I think,
I think,
ok,
so,
so here's the actual timeline of the thing,
right?
Um,
the first night I attempted to watch it,
it was like,
literally two minutes into it.
Then when I went to go watch it again,
I got 30 minutes into it and then restarted it from that point.
I watched it with Taylor actually when I restarted it and then we got halfway through that movie and then the next night we finished the movie.
So,
yeah,
that was like four separate watches.
That's like me.
Now,
you,
now you get it though,
right?
Like,
as a parent for this week you get,
I don't,
no,
no,
no,
no,
no,
I don't.
Because the,
the initial one.
Yes.
Sure.
But I would have just watched it all the way through.
But Taylor is the one who wanted to like,
finish it halfway because she was sleepy.
I don't get you guys being sleepy and shit,
but whatever,
probably,
I would imagine because she's the one primary,
primarily taking care of your niece right now as you get to sleep in.
Oh,
I wish that was true.
But who gets up three times in the middle of the night to take her pee.
So I don't have to wash the sheets in the morning.
This guy,
so the movie opens with just this little scene of them selling kind of fake goods on the street.
And you have Eddie being the guy who like,
pretends to not know him is like,
oh,
that's a great deal on like,
necklaces or whatever.
I love like the kind of the lines from Jason Statham.
But one of my favorites that I caught.
So I started this movie and I watched like 30 minutes of it and then I realized it was like,
oh,
wait,
we're not recording for like 10 days.
So then I just stopped and then I started over like a couple days before the recording.
Uh But one of the,
when the second time when I start again,
one of the lines that I really liked is he's talking,
he says to this one lady don't stand there like one o'clock and half past which like,
visually is just her kind of like bending over,
like hawking at everything,
like just looking at it,
but like,
not buying,
he's like,
get in here and you give me your money.
And I,
I love too like the voiceover and I think this will pay off in the next film.
But the,
the guy that does the voiceover in this movie is the guy that works at Eddie's dad's bar.
Oh,
ok.
And he is also the main antagonist,
bad guy in Snatch.
From what I remember.
What's his name in this movie?
He's named Alan or narrator.
I don't think we hear his name but he is Alan Ford and he's gonna be like the main,
as I just said,
the main bad guy in Snatch and he's really great in that.
So is Snatch a sequel to this?
No,
it's just,
it's just a Guy Ritchie type movie.
So it's like a very similar set up like literally all four we're gonna do are gonna be very similar,
but like the story is different but kind of the world um is all much very like this kind of UK underground.
They probably all take place in London when you first brought up that we're gonna do this and you brought up this movie Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels.
I asked you if this was a sequel because I really thought there was a movie called Lock Lock Stock and a Smoking Barrel.
And then,
and then like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels was the sequel.
Um But there is no such thing.
Uh such a movie as Lock Stock and smoking in a smoking barrel.
Um,
and,
and I,
you know,
it's funny because have you ever heard of the,
the,
the movie,
um,
the whole Nine Yards?
Yeah.
You know,
there's a sequel to that movie called The Whole 10 Yards.
I do.
Yes.
Ok.
I thought that was kind of what they were doing here,
but not at all because,
because there is no existing movie.
So,
I,
I also like how um the guy kind of says the title of the movie,
he's like Lock Stock,
the whole fucking thing talking about Sting's Bar,
which by the way,
Sting is in this and actually is like pretty great in his little part.
Oh,
Sting is the dad.
Yeah,
see now that you say that,
that I connect it but I did not,
I did not catch that.
That's funny.
What's funny too is I was kind of thinking like,
why is this called Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels?
And then he says it,
like you said,
he says Lock Stock and the whole fucking thing in the,
in the movie?
I was like,
well,
where does the two smoking barrels come from?
And I go,
oh,
the two antique guns are the two smoking barrels?
I get it now,
right?
Uh There's this other thing too that I just noticed today,
I guess this is a thing that guy Richie likes to do,
but there was a lock,
there's a show called Lock Stock,
which is basically a TV series based off of this movie.
Then there was a TV show that was done by Crackle called Snatch that starred Rupert Grant who was Ron Weasley and Harry Potter.
And now he's doing the Gentleman TV series which is starring Theo James,
which I'm actually super fucking excited for.
Um But just like,
he's willing to like sell off his,
he's like,
there's no like,
oh,
this is,
this is sacred ground that can't be touched.
He's like,
no,
yeah,
you can make a TV.
Show out of this.
That's fine.
Oh You're,
you're thinking that,
that like Guy Ritchie sits on a higher plane where he's like,
not a sellout.
He did Aladdin dude for Disney.
Yeah,
Ashley was just talking today about how much she didn't like that movie.
I thought it was fine.
But like,
I think all those live actions like,
but it's kind of a gimmick.
It's kind of a gimmick from Guy Ritchie doing that like fast,
slow motion,
speed up thing,
right?
But it wasn't really introduced in his beginning work.
So when,
when did that become like,
oh,
that's a guy Ritchie move.
Uh I mean,
it'd probably be in Snatch.
I haven't seen Snatch in years,
but I would imagine that's where it's gonna be.
Snatch is really great.
I can't wait to do.
We should get back to this movie,
but Snatch is really great mostly because of like Brad Pitt's performance is so amazing in it.
Um But so let's get back to it.
Um The main setup of this movie is these four guys are getting money together so that their friend Eddie who is just amazing at cards can get in a card game with a guy named Hatchet Harry.
Just like as a,
as a F Y I like,
don't play poker against a guy named Hatchet Harry,
which is really funny because they talk about how he beat a guy to death with a black dildo later on in the movie.
And then at,
at the very end when they go into his office,
it says like,
Harry,
whatever the porn king.
Yeah.
And I like,
didn't catch that throughout the like,
oh,
this,
that's what this guy does because they never really,
like,
he runs a sex shop.
I guess he had that part of it.
I,
I Harry,
there's so many small details though,
but I like how it's like driven home at the very end,
right?
Like that is,
you know what I mean?
Like it's not integral to the plot,
but I like seeing it at the end because they definitely honed in on it on the door.
So you could see it.
The,
the end is my favorite part of the movie and I can't wait till we get there because I really want to break down.
Exactly.
And it,
it,
man,
it's so good,
I think from the,
from the point,
all of them are going to the four guys flat like the and uh big Chris and dog and his group are already there.
I think from that point on,
it's like the best part of the movie to me.
Well,
because the,
the weed growers know what um the people who robbed them look like and it just so happens to be kind of like the,
the same.
Yeah,
I know you wanna break it down guys.
So it's so great anyways.
Um So,
so yeah,
so as you were explaining,
they're getting together 25 there's four of them,
they're getting together 25 grand each.
So that their friend Eddie who's amazing at poker can beat hatchet Harry and Poker and win a bunch of money.
Um I think they're looking for like $20,000.25 apiece.
20 no,
no,
no,
it's 25 apiece but it's 20,000 gain back,
right?
So they're gonna each get their 25 back plus another 20 grand on top of that.
So they're looking for a 20 grand return each.
Um and Eddie is pretty confident he can get it.
But uh this all is set up to,
to,
oh,
I,
I was talking to you about like this,
this thing that they established in the beginning and where does it pay off in the end?
The man on fire running out of the bar how that like plays and that's right.
I,
I thought that was great.
Yeah,
when he explains,
yeah,
when they explain what he did to that one guy that is,
yeah,
that's actually really funny.
And,
yeah,
that,
this movie definitely,
I didn't have time to do it but would definitely reward like a second watch.
Um,
I also,
so right before we go to the poker game,
a bunch of more establishing stuff,
we go to kind of the shitty apartment that Bacon and Eddie live in,
uh,
Jason Statham and,
uh,
Nick Moran.
And they,
they're like,
oh,
we always,
we have these neighbors that we can always hear and they're like,
I guess just thieves,
it looks like they have this reputable shop or whatever,
but they just steal shit from people.
Like I couldn't even figure out,
I guess they're loan sharks.
Maybe,
I don't know what dog actually does for his legitimate part of his business.
If there is such a thing.
It's kind of funny.
Right,
because they live on like one side of the flat and dog and his crew live on the other side of the flat and there's like a,
a cab service that's in the middle.
No,
it's not.
I think,
I think it might be on the other side because the dog actually,
like,
throws the plank guy through the wall and he's able to see all the cash that got stolen because at the,
at the beginning Jason Statham opens,
you're right though.
Like,
basically this was like a flat that was divided in two because Jason Statham opens this door and then there's just a brick wall that was built.
And I was like,
why does that make sense?
But it's like,
oh,
because it was kind of cut in half.
Yeah,
exactly.
Um,
and then we get the weed growers which,
like,
have a cage at their front door that never,
they don't ever use.
Which is,
it's funny,
it's very telegraphed but then the way it's used when it actually gets to,
it is very smart.
Like for the first time when they're about to get robbed,
they've locked it.
Like that's just smart to me.
Oh,
what's the guy?
What's the guy who's like friends?
The connection between dog and the weed guys?
Plank?
Plank?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So,
like Plank realizes that they never lock the cage and that's when he tells his boss,
I assume it's his boss,
right?
Uh They never lock the cage.
So it's super easy.
So,
so it's kind of funny because when uh Bacon and his crew are listening in on that conversation,
I was kind of confused because I was like,
well,
why doesn't Bacon and his crew just rob the weed dealers?
I don't think they know where it is.
And that's the reason because I was like,
they're making,
it seem like robbing the weed guys is super easy.
And then waiting for them to rob the weed guys and then robbing them is like,
the difficult part.
But then you're right.
They're the only ones who knows where the location of the weed is,
right.
Um,
and then we meet,
uh,
Vinnie Jones,
whose name is Chris.
Uh,
there's a couple of cool facts about this from Vinnie Jones.
So,
once I already said this was his first movie.
Um,
but what I read is on the first day of filming,
he had just been released from police custody for beating up his neighbor allegedly,
I don't know,
allegedly could have been,
he could have been convicted.
I don't know.
And then,
uh,
he said that he was cast because in the script,
the,
the big Chris was described as looking like the English footballer,
Vinnie Jones.
So,
like guy Richie had like a Vinny Jones type in mind.
And Vinny Jones is like,
oh,
I got some time.
That's hilarious.
It's like,
oh,
oh,
I,
I,
I'm imagining my character looking like this famous person and then the person walks in and you're like,
shit,
you're hired.
I don't even care what,
what,
what's amazing too is he is actually a real like,
so I think maybe one of his more famous roles now would be like Euro Trip,
right?
And he's just like kind of an over the top character in that.
Um But he's actually like,
really great in this movie.
Like,
his acting is really great in this,
it's kind of very subtle for most parts.
Yeah,
I mean,
uh,
I,
it's,
when you said he's an ex football player,
it surprised me to hear that because I do think he's a pretty good actor.
Yeah.
I also,
I also remember him.
One of the first things I saw him in two,
which we've already done was,
um,
gone in 60 seconds where he plays the guy that doesn't speak for most of the movie and then he's,
like,
super eloquent at the very end.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Um I'm trying to remember where I,
like,
seen him recently recently and it's two things that I remember him distinctly from,
uh I watched a review of the Midnight Meat Train and he's the,
he's the main character in uh Well,
he's the,
I don't know if you call it main character.
He's the antagonist of the,
the Midnight Meat Train.
Um But where I've seen him first is an x-men last Stand.
He's the juggernaut baby.
Oh,
that's right.
That's right.
I probably saw him in that first too.
Um So after this,
we get to the poker game,
we've like introduced a sting.
We're introduced to Barry,
the Baptist who like hires these basically two fucking idiots to steal these shotguns.
That is that his boss wants,
which is like,
that's a mistake.
Why are you hiring those guys that might be my favorite plot line?
Just hiring like the worst two possible people for this job.
You know,
they remind me of the,
the,
like the Cruella Deville henchman.
I would have bet that that would,
like,
not surprise me if that was written in the script of like,
who we're looking for for this.
The two.
Like,
what's his,
where are the Horus and Jasper?
Jasper.
Yeah,
I never learned that the idiots in this movie.
I never learned their names,
like,
throughout,
um,
like,
I still am trying to find them in here and I M DB and I was like,
I don't know,
Gary and Serge maybe,
I don't know.
Um I know,
I know one of them and they've done to my poor Gary,
I thought he fucking die dude when the shotgun blast hit his head.
Yeah,
that is pretty funny.
Well,
it's also like foreshadowing because he then does get shotgun blasted like at the end.
Yeah,
that's true.
Oh no,
he gets hatted.
The other guy gets shotgunned a lot of death.
I thought too that they were gonna like kind of,
I thought Harry didn't die because they don't show him die.
They show him like they showed the dude shooting at him,
right?
But they don't actually show him dead and then literally gonna be like pulp fiction where it's like all the shots and then they just all miss.
Oh yeah,
it's if you're gonna steal,
steal.
Well,
um so we go to the poker game and also at this time,
like the other guys are at Samo and Joe's and they run into Rory and like,
ask him to turn off the TV.
And he just turns and looks at him,
he's like,
no,
um,
the,
the card game.
I once again have some like,
math questions about this because it looks like Eddie is winning quite a bit.
And if you started with 100,000,
it looks like he's winning quite a few hands.
So let's just say he's up to like 1 50 and then he has to get loaned like the other 100.
So that's the 2 50 that he has to match.
Then maybe,
I guess,
I don't know.
Harry might have said like,
oh no,
it's 500,000.
I don't know.
It's,
it's weird.
Um But all in,
all Harry has just now decided that you owe him $500,000.
So I guess it's like you can't even question the math because it's just like this dude will kill you if you don't give him $500,000.
What's uh what's Hatchet?
Harry's um uh muscles name.
Bury the Baptist,
bury the Baptist.
Such a great character.
Such a great voice.
Like everything about that dude.
I love it.
So he was actually a bare knuckle boxer before he got into acting.
And um this film,
I don't know if you saw,
it is actually dedicated to him.
He died before it premiered of lung cancer.
So he was sick the whole time he was shooting this.
Oh my God.
I thought it was dedicated to someone.
I didn't make the connection.
It was him though.
Yeah.
So it's very sad but he um he is,
he's so fucking good in that role.
It's like,
what's a good um like the guys at the end of the firm were perfect as mafia guys.
He's fucking like,
perfect for this Barry the Baptist roll.
So it was funny because,
because Taylor had a,
had a problem with how uh the cheating was being done.
And I was like,
I was like,
what do you mean?
She's like,
well,
how is,
if they have,
like,
a camera behind Eddie the entire time,
um,
how is Eddie winning anything at this point?
Right.
Well,
like,
why isn't he constantly losing?
And I go,
I don't know,
I guess you're right.
I like,
why is it?
It comes up and she's like,
oh,
I get it.
It's because,
uh,
the Baptist is on the phone with the two idiots trying to,
like,
solve their issues or whatever.
Um,
and during that time Eddie's winning a bunch of hands.
Well,
and then also at one point you see Barry the Baptist,
like,
hitting the thing trying to get it to work again and then he gets it to work and he sees,
I mean,
it's also just horrible card discipline from Eddie to have it,
like,
out like that.
You gotta bring it in tight so only you can see it,
you know,
to the chest.
So he's,
he's just a little too uh nonchalant.
Um I love like right after this.
So basically Eddie just goes and gets drunk for two days.
So now we're down to five days but the cook,
uh who I guess his name is soap in this um is like,
let's just refuse to pay.
And Jason Statham is like,
do you,
do you not know who Harry the hatch is?
And then tells a story about how he beat a guy to death with a 15 inch black dildo while this is happening.
Hold on while this is happening.
It's one of my favorite favorite uh scenes in the movie is they're at a bar where they're telling the story and they all order drinks and they bring them like these fruity pineapple cocktails.
And Jason Statham was like,
what the fuck is this?
And the,
the bartenders like it's a cocktail like you asked for.
He's like,
he's like you can fall in,
fall in love with an orangutan in this thing.
It's like all this like pineapple uh topping and stuff like that.
And he's like,
I wanna,
I want a cocktail.
He's like that is a cocktail.
He's like,
I thought this was a bar.
He's like,
it's a Samoan bar.
It's like,
it's like,
well,
I just want a beer.
It's like we don't serve beer and it's like I thought this was a bar.
He goes,
it is,
it's a Samoan bar.
I don't know that whole thing is just so funny to me.
I think you could do that about,
like,
fucking everything.
Like,
the,
one of my favorite bits is when,
uh Tom and Nick,
the Greek are like,
haggling over the stereo and he,
he's like $100 is $100 and Tom is like,
yeah,
except it's not when it's $200.
And one thing I didn't notice is he's like,
well,
what else do I get?
And he hands him this shit,
this shitty red phone and then he's using it later the whole time the whole,
throughout the entire rest of the movie,
he just says like what a cheap,
like a cheap piece of shit.
He is.
Um So then also at this time we get the loan sharks are hitting golf balls at this guy.
Um then Plank goes to the weed guys and this part is like where I think it's a little too telegraphed but I mean,
it happens next.
So it's not like that big a deal,
but Plank like knocks over a bunch of money and they're like,
oh why are you,
you know,
Plank has seen all of our money.
It's like just so obvious what's gonna happen next because there was a scene earlier where dog is like planks like why am I only getting this much in dog?
It is like when you come up with the hits,
then you'll get paid more.
So it's just like all I if if I had like,
one complaint about this movie is it's too telegraphed and like,
what's gonna happen,
it's too,
like,
easy to follow.
I'll tell you why,
why.
That's not a problem for me.
Their accents make it so fucking hard to understand.
But I'm glad it is like,
literally laid out in this black and white thing because if it,
if it wasn't and I had to get over their accents,
I would be totally lost,
man.
I also love the uh dildo idea from Tom about like the,
we have the check paid to one company and then we offer them a refund from this other company that's like a very long offensive name.
And it's like,
and who's gonna cash that at their bank?
So their bank knows that this is what they're into,
uh which apparently that idea was like stolen from a book or something,
but it's fucking great except how great that idea is.
It would not work today because everything is done online and you can get like anonymously refunded online.
Well,
this is 98 didn't work that way.
Um So then uh we find out that the idiots sold the guns to Nick who sold the guns to Tom.
Um I like when Vinnie Jones goes to sting,
it's a great scene where he's like,
you know,
your boy uh fucked up and Harry,
Harry wants your bar,
he's always wanted your bar.
Um And stings like,
well,
I know how you feel about cursing.
So I'll just say this,
tell Harry to go fuck himself,
which I,
I we didn't even talk about the sons with uh Vinnie Jones and his son in the beginning with the guy who they're getting money from is so great in the,
in the tanner.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah,
so,
so good.
Um And Vinnie Jones like I'm gonna take that a shock and I'll give you another chance.
I,
I love that sting is just like,
you know,
I thought,
oh he's gonna feel like he's gonna lose his bar and stings like I'm never giving up my bar like fuck,
fuck my son.
That's his debt like it doesn't affect me.
Yeah.
Um And then soap bringing the knives are so fucking funny.
He's like,
why didn't you bring any big knives?
And he pulls out like a machete basically.
Yeah.
Uh And then I think knives are a good idea.
Big fuck off shiny ones is also like a great line from him.
Um So,
so back to the plot kind of um so we're getting down to the part where they lost all the money from the poker game game and they're all thinking where,
where are we gonna get half a million dollars,
right?
Because if they're like every day that they're laid on the money,
a finger of theirs is gonna get cut off by the Baptist um at the request of,
of hatchet Harry.
So we get to the,
to the point where they overhear Doug and his crew and they're like,
I,
you know,
Eddie's like,
I know how to do this.
So this starting at this point,
this is where all the layers are coming together,
right?
Because at this point,
um the two dumb um henchmen have stolen the guns.
I OK,
I have to say another great,
great line is when uh the Baptist is hiring them,
they're like,
what's in it for us?
And he's like,
it's an old fucking house.
It's in the state.
You have antiques.
It's like,
what are we gonna do with fucking antiques?
Um Anyway,
so the,
the,
oh and he's like bad,
the Baptist is walking away and he's like,
oh those northern idiots and then,
and then they're like that southern,
you know,
whatever.
Uh I just love all the dialogue in this movie.
Sorry,
I love,
I love when the guys are going to steal the guns and he's like,
hey,
you gotta put a mask on.
He's like,
I just got my hair done.
You fucking an idiot if you think that I'm gonna put stocking over this and then he gets a shot off.
It looks like,
yeah,
it looks like I don't even know.
So,
yeah,
I'm,
I'm kind of ready to talk to the robbery about the robbery.
Um I look like,
so they go in and for the first time the cage is locked and then Plank pulls out the gun on the sky and he just immediately faints and I,
I love too that they shoot off,
they're like,
threaten to shoot off his foot.
They do it and you don't even get to see it until later on when other people come and his foot's just,
like,
fucking missing almost.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then they're like,
the rest of the weed guys are hiding up in their after with an air soft gun basically.
Yeah,
like a B B gun like a high powered B B gun and it's just shooting them in the neck.
Although I have to say uh growing up a lot of my uh my buddies around the neighborhood had B B guns.
Yeah,
like with the not plastic but like the metal,
the metal ones.
Yeah.
And like my biggest fear is getting shot in the eye or shot in the neck uh and just fucking bleeding out or losing an eye.
Um But yeah,
Plank was shot in the neck and he's just continuously bleeding and you just have an artery like shot in your neck and you just have,
I already have one missing man.
I can't afford them hitting the other one.
Um No,
but so yeah,
and so uh they're being shot like they're being mildly inconvenienced by this B B gun shot in the neck,
shot in the arm.
He's like,
oh that stings.
And then um what I love is there's this running joke that um,
what's his name?
Willie?
The tall lanky one.
I don't know.
I think it's Harry.
He brings a girl in that's like half conscious and no one,
no one really pays her any mind because she's so quiet and she blends in with the furniture.
Right.
I think it's Willie.
Willie.
Willie.
Yeah.
And so,
um,
there's this moment where they're threatening,
uh,
that they're gonna shoot his foot off unless they not only,
hey,
listen,
come down,
open the cage,
let us in.
But also how many people do you have?
And you better not lie to us.
It's like it's only the three of us.
And then you find out that the girl is up there and the girl basically kills them all.
But I'm thinking,
wow,
they risk,
they risk it by lying about her.
But then it occurred to me it's like they even forgot that she was there.
She was the fifth person they lied about uh Willie,
I think because they had that.
They had already lied to Plank when Plank came because Willie was the one that let him in Willie or Winston.
Who fuck cares.
I think it's Willie.
No.
Yeah,
Winston's the main drug guy,
but they had already lied that Willie wasn't there because he was kind of Plank's connection to get in and they didn't want plant to get in.
So,
Plank was like,
yeah,
yeah,
they,
he's not here.
Um My favorite line from all this too.
Is like,
they're getting shot with the air,
soft guns and dog is like,
would you all quit getting shot?
Um,
and then they bring out the real big fucking gun.
Yeah.
Which is a nice,
like,
she just starts shooting everything.
I liked it.
I mean,
obviously I,
I like that instead of like killing her afterwards,
he just kind of punches her and knocks her out.
It's like,
it's like,
you know,
he has to do something to her,
but he was like,
kind of nice about it in the,
as,
as nice as he could because she just killed one of his dudes.
But,
um,
the traffic warden that shows up is,
uh,
I don't know if you wreck that.
Have you seen the movie the trip?
Uh No.
So it's,
uh,
Rob Brydon plays the traffic cop,
which I did not recognize him the first time I watched it because I had not seen the trip.
I mean,
he's obviously,
I think,
fairly famous over there,
but that's what I know him from.
Um,
and then,
so then our four main guys steal this money back and as it happens,
I was like,
oh,
that was fairly easy and I,
you know,
I didn't remember much from this movie so it was kind of almost the first watch for me again.
Um,
it was like,
that was,
you know,
that was too easy and it's funny is things kind of keep coming up for the rest of the movie,
but it all feels too easy,
like the whole time,
you know what I mean?
It's like everything sort of works out after the poker game for them.
Yeah.
No,
no,
it's like,
it's like,
convenient.
Right?
It's like,
ok,
so we're gonna steal there,
there and there and it's like,
it just so happens that dogs men comes in at the same time that all of,
um,
uh,
who's,
who's,
they're,
they're stealing weed from a guy but then selling it back to him.
What's his name?
Uh Rory.
Rory,
right?
So Rory's guys go all in at the same time,
dogs men goes all in and they mistaken each other for the opposed,
you know,
for,
for our four main guys.
And so there's just a giant shootout and everyone dies and like that part is really convenient for our main characters.
Well,
I think one thing that the movie does good that I didn't catch on to is so the,
the drug guys are talking about how they have a backer,
but they don't really mention who it is.
And then Nick has started talking to Rory about giving him a sample and they've talked about a price and then when,
uh,
when he brings Rory the sample,
Rory's like,
take it to the chemist.
So it was like,
holy shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh And then it's like that's when everything sort of comes together.
So they realize they've been robbed and you see the one guy with his foot just shot off,
like sitting on the ground as soon as,
as soon as Rory says,
take you to the chemist Taylor and I look at each other and she goes,
I wonder who they are.
I bet she saw that from the beginning,
did she?
Um So then after that,
you have our main guys that are just getting drunk at a bar the whole time as like all of this shit is happening,
Nick,
the Greek is like leaving town Rory like dog has already discovered like the money of their next door neighbors.
It's funny like all these lines where he's like,
like they're looking for it.
Don't even get me started about how the two idiot wait.
So they never delivered the,
the,
the shotguns to Harry.
They sold them to Nick,
they sold them to Nick.
I sold them to Tom.
Yeah.
Well,
yeah,
they sold them to Nick who sold them to Tom.
But why didn't they give them to Harry?
Because they were hired to give them to Harry.
They didn't know they said all Barry gave them the instructions of all the guns in the cabinet.
So they gave all the guns in the cabinet to Harry.
The other rifles were being held by the guy that shot at them.
The old guy,
like the butler guy.
Oh,
so there's really bad instructions on Barry,
the Baptist part,
honestly.
Seriously.
Um Yeah,
so,
so those two guns had,
had to be,
had,
have been bought back.
It's like 700 quid or pounds or whatever they deal with.
Um,
uh,
for the both of them.
Right.
So,
it's like 3 50 each.
And then you find out later they're both,
they're worth like,
$200,000.
Yeah.
Um,
I like the lines too.
Like Roy and Nick the Greek.
He's like,
your stupidity might be your saving grace because I know if you knew this was my stuff,
like you wouldn't have done this.
Um And the scene before where Nick the Greek breaks the table with his glass was like it was just an accident that they kept in the movie.
So it wasn't like it wasn't intentional.
Um The second part where he puts it down again and there's no glass.
Um I also like the,
it's kind of almost a little too cute,
but he's like you guys couldn't,
you know,
dog is talking to all these people and they haven't been able to find him and he's like you couldn't find him if they're the next door fucking neighbors.
And like earlier Eddie had said,
oh,
next door,
we're the next door neighbors.
It's the last place to look and then,
then he throws plank through a wall and you know,
Plank sees it and then that kind of sets up basically the ending,
right?
Dog is at the guy's place,
they're at a bar.
Rory is heading over with his men.
Um,
and I like the shootouts very funny.
So basically everyone's dead and Rory once again has come out unscathed and the chemist is there too and then Rory turns plank over and they kill each other and then the chemist runs out,
but I love the dog stuff with Harry and,
and Vinnie Jones.
So Vinnie Jones head butts him and takes the guns and the,
and the money and then the,
the guys show up with no one else there and they're like,
shit,
our money is gone.
So they're like freaking out.
But then Vinnie takes it to Harry and it's like,
yep,
this is the money they would have given you.
And he's like,
oh,
so,
well,
then why did you take it?
And he's like,
you know,
you can never be too careful.
So it's like the guys don't realize it,
but their debt has been paid off because of the way Vinnie Jones has told Harry that like,
yeah,
this is the money they were gonna give you.
It's all there.
Like their debt is paid.
The,
the only,
and I love all this.
The only part of that whole thing that I had a problem with is dog throwing plank food through the plaster.
Too convenient,
too convenient.
I wish there was,
there was some other little like dodgy way that happened but whatever.
Um,
and then,
and then the guys roll up.
Well,
so,
yeah,
so they're,
well,
Harry,
uh,
Eddie and the guys call Harry and Harry's like,
yeah,
you've been paid,
but I want to know where the fuck you got these rifles.
And so they're heading over but then the idiots go to Rob Harry of the guns that they're supposed to give to Harry,
which is just a whole,
like,
that's a hilarious way for that.
They're following Vinnie,
they're following Big Chris because they know that he has the guns,
but they don't know that they're working for the same guys that they're working with.
So they're just wanting to steal back from the guy that they're hired to.
Oh,
fuck,
dude.
So then,
uh they go in and they basically,
everyone dies from that and Vinnie goes back to his car and dog is holding a knife to Little Chris's throat,
right?
Um And so he,
you know,
it's funny.
So the guys have gone in,
they,
uh Eddie comes back out with 500,000.
He's just like,
I think we're in the clear as like Vinnie jones' car hits the back and I read that um guy Ritchie told Vinny Jones to just like,
just go as crazy as you want with this scene and like,
apparently like the cameramen were all kind of like fucking scared about it because for the most part,
he doesn't do stuff like this in the movie.
He's very like,
calm and reserved.
But when you watch that scene,
if it comes out of nowhere,
you're like,
holy fuck.
This guy's crazy.
I thought it was awesome.
I love it.
And then I thought if we saw the body,
like we saw the head,
how brutal that would look.
And I'm glad there would be no head.
No,
there's actually a really similar scene.
Um I know you don't watch the,
like the Netflix Marvel shows,
but there's a similar scene in Daredevil where Kingpin loses it and he smashes the guy's head in,
uh,
with the car door and you see it actually.
And,
yeah,
you're right after that.
There is no head.
So then he goes back in,
after finding the money.
I like how he,
he,
he goes to check if Eddie's all right.
And then he sees the money.
He's like,
oh,
you cheeky bastards.
And then,
like,
although he probably doesn't say bastards because he doesn't swear,
but he goes inside and,
um,
and sees Tom there with the guns and they kind of just look at each other and,
like,
Vinny is about to pull out like a knife,
I think,
to throw at him or maybe a weapon.
I don't know.
And,
um,
they basically just have an understanding of,
like,
all right,
you have the money,
I'll have the guns.
Um,
and then they sort of go their separate ways.
One cool thing I read,
um,
when Vinnie Jones takes the money and the guns to Harry.
Harry is holding the guns and he's like,
oh,
do you wanna hold it to Vinnie Jones.
He's like,
ah,
better not.
And apparently the reason that's in there is because Harry wants Vinny Jones fingerprints on the gun so that it may eventually he can kind of like,
if they don't need him anymore can,
like,
kind of get him hit for a crime.
You know what I mean?
Like,
they can use the guns in some way and,
like,
they'd be tied back to him.
Um,
I don't know if that's like,
just someone's like fan theory or what,
but it's kind of interesting.
It sort of makes sense.
Um,
and then I,
I love the ending about this.
It's kind of,
it's kind of convenient just to have like this funny ending.
Right.
So they tell Tom,
hey,
throw away the guns,
those are the only things that tie us to it.
And then,
and then Vinnie Jones comes in.
He's like,
hey,
you know,
um,
I want to take this back because it's yours,
you know.
Um,
but I'm out of a job.
So I took some of it for me,
um,
for me and my son to set us up and then he's got like a new car outside,
but when you open the bag,
there's nothing in it.
Right?
And I guess maybe that what he is giving him is like,
hey,
those guns are worth a lot of money.
You probably don't know that.
Um,
and then,
like,
they start trying to call Tom as he throws the guns and,
like,
he misses the water and like,
he puts the phone in his mouth because he can't hold it and the lamp post as he's trying to knock the guns into the water and then he's receiving the call and it's the perfect,
like,
freeze frame ending.
Yeah,
it's,
it's awesome.
No,
I,
I walked away from this movie feeling really good about everything that happened.
Like,
I feel like everyone,
there's a moment where Rory goes in to like,
check the,
um,
the massacre that happened between his men and dogs,
men.
And there's this great thing where I think his plank is still alive and he has a gun,
um,
pulled up already on Rory and Rory already has the gun pulled on him.
And all you hear is the two simultaneous shots going off and they're just both dead and it's just like everything takes care of itself.
And I think what,
as dog is leaving,
right?
Or as who's carrying the,
the bag,
um,
dogs carrying the bag.
But then Winston,
the drug guy carrying another bag out too,
I think like some of the drugs.
So it's Winston then.
Yeah.
So,
and he just got away Scott Free,
I guess he did,
didn't he?
But now he doesn't have like a main guy.
He's just like the chemist.
So he doesn't have the guy that sells it.
So he's in a,
he's gotta find someone new to work with.
But Yeah,
I feel like,
I feel like it was a good ending because it was like,
uh,
Eddie,
I guess you would call Eddie our main,
main character out of all the four guys.
But,
um,
he doesn't die and basically he doesn't get anything with it,
but he's still alive at the end,
which is really all you can ask,
you know,
so you can ask for.
So in the end they either basically just lost their initial $25,000 investment,
which would suck or they made,
what,
uh,
would it be?
So,
if they made 100 and 50 divided by four,
that's like 25 37.5 or something like that,
a piece of their 50 off the guns.
Yeah,
they thought they were 250,000 for the two guns.
So,
it's the,
it's said between 203 100 they were appraised between 203 100,000.
But I,
it didn't make it obvious to me if it was each or for both guns.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I thought it was for both but it doesn't matter.
But anyway,
yeah,
either they kind of lost a little bit,
which sucks.
Or they made a little bit,
they made basically the profit they thought they would have made off the poker game originally if they get the guns.
So it's almost like a,
was like nothing happened.
It's like either they lost or everything worked out.
Like the way they thought it would in the,
in the end.
Um One final thing I want to say before we go is I read this story,
which is pretty cool.
Um So one of the executive producers,
Trudy Styler,
um she like this movie was having trouble getting distribution and so she called an acquaintance of hers to help them get distribution and that was Tom Cruise.
I knew it,
I knew it was gonna be Tom Cruise.
I was like,
who's it gonna be Tom Cruise?
I should have said it fuck.
So he apparently attended a screening.
I gonna be Tom Cruise.
So he,
as the story goes,
he attended a screening of the movie and he like walks in there with a bunch of other executives and when they see Tom Cruise walk in,
they're like,
oh what the fuck.
And then they play the movie and after the movie ends,
he apparently stands up and says this is the best movie I've seen in years.
You guys would be fools not to buy it.
And when I read that exact quote,
I was like,
I can see Tom like Tom Cruise saying fools like you guys would be fools not to buy it like it.
That part made it ring true to me his Jerry Maguire impression.
So um we owe guy Ritchie his career and we owe like all of these like London gangster movies to Tom Cruise.
So thank you again,
Tom Cruise.
Um As you know,
I,
we,
we talked a lot about the plot and,
you know,
we already kind of you and I talked about how great the dialogue is through this entire film,
but we didn't want to spend too long picking out every line.
I'm just gonna,
and I,
and I,
I love the movie as a whole.
Um But I'm just gonna leave my part to this,
the funniest fucking thing in this movie is how much they rag on fat man.
It's like the skinniest guy in the movie.
They just keep going.
What a,
what a complex they give this dude and,
and then from like walking to the grocery store and being like,
oh my God,
what have you eaten to like me?
Bacon and Eddie are gonna go this way and fat man,
you go this way and then he just like,
wait,
who's fat man?
It's like,
I don't understand.
I agree.
Yeah.
That is like the,
the,
the commitment to that joke?
Well,
thanks for listening to another episode of,
I finally watched,
this is David and this is a,
and I finally watched Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels----more----