Addiction is Non-Discriminatory an Epidemic and Needs to Be Talked About

Addiction is a real problem, some hide it, some are openly fighting it, and others have support but not enough. The only way that we can begin to understand the battle that so many fight is to talk about what addiction is. How it affects people and how companies can support their people instead of punishing them. Accounting to my two amazing guests, living in recovery can be not only wonderful, but can also be fun, and they are proof of this. Join us for a fun and educational conversation.

 

Contact

Lane Kennedy – linkedin.com/in/lanekennedy

Tamar Medford - linkedin.com/in/tamarmedford

 

Website – https://laughingwithoutliquor.com/

 

 

Leighann Lovely  00:20

HR professionals, business owners and operations at all levels are struggling to figure out what needs to change. Our system has been shocked practices have been questioned, and conversations are finally happening. We all know there has been a huge shift in what people want. inclusion and diversity are common phrases. But often misunderstood generations are coming together more than ever on what's important. Mental health has been brought to the forefront of everyone's mind. Let's humanize these conversations. Let's talk about what's important for employees to be successful in life and at their job and how companies can create an environment to allow them to do both because successful people will make up a successful workforce. I'm Leighann Lovely. Let's get this conversation started.  I have two great guests joining me today to have an awesome conversation. So I'm so excited to be joined by Tamar Medford and Lane Kennedy. With over 37 years of continuous sobriety from booze, white powder pills, and Snicker bars. Lane Kennedy and Tamar Medford bring a wealth of experience and authenticity to their discussion on living in recovery. Lane and Tamar are on a mission to empower women, especially mothers to break free from drinking and reliance on substances to have more fun in life. fearless and unapologetic. They address addiction, bad habits, and changing the internal dialogue women have with themselves. Their focus is on helping women embrace an often compromised and alcohol free lifestyle, leaving behind codependency and negativity. Well, today is going to be a treat. I'm so excited. I have two amazing women joining me today, Lane and Tamar. Welcome to the show.

 

Lane Kennedy  02:28

Thanks for having us, Leighann. Good to be with you.

 

Tamar Medford  02:32

Yes. So good to be here.

 

Leighann Lovely  02:34

So why don't you both? You know, start off by telling me telling my audience a little bit about yourself. Lane, why don't you go first? Perfect.

 

Lane Kennedy  02:40

I like to go first. It's great. Sometimes I deferred it Tamar, but I'll go first today. Thanks for having us on the show, Leighann. My name is Lane Kennedy. I live in long term recovery. What that means is I don't drink or do drugs or eat Snickers bars. And I've done that for about 26 years now. So that kind of guides the direction of my life. I'm also a hypnotherapist and a DNA geek. I help people live in high performance state. That's really important for those people who are Type A personality, who want to live a long life, they typically find themselves to me so I can help them or support them and finding a better more sustainable life so they can live into their 60s 70s 80s 90s and 100. Like I am

 

Leighann Lovely  03:31

Awesome. Tamar, tell us a little bit about yourself.

 

Tamar Medford  03:36

Thank you so much for having us land. My name is Tamar Medford and I also live in long term recovery except they still feel like a bit of a baby. I'm just about to celebrate 11 years. And I believe that I found my purpose as a result of finding recovery and getting sober. I'm a neuro change method practitioner. So I really help women, you know, kind of master their minds so they can let go of those limiting beliefs and create a life that they're fulfilled, you know, a life that they never ever want to go back to their old way of living. And I live in Canada. I'm the Canadian of our hosts our podcast and you know, I have a partner and three i co parent, three girls and three for babies. So I'm happy to be here.

 

Leighann Lovely  04:22

And three for babies. Wow, I have one my audience I have one dog. He just turned a year old and every day I have to stop myself from either kicking him out of the house or or just beating him to death. Puppies are so hard. They're hard. I have a five year old and she's so much easier than right. Because I'll yell at him and he just wags his tail and I'm like no, no, I'm not. No, no, no, you don't get it. I'm yelling at you and he's just like, Uh huh, you okay? Um, he's a big, like, gigantic golden retriever. So and he's stronger than me. And you know, he read sorry, I digress. I just love I love dogs I love and all animals and the liver. But he's maddening. Every I struggle every I don't know, maybe I need to go into therapy or something for this this. Yeah. Since I got him I've been going crazy. Right? Everybody who knows me right now is I know that I'm going through this this major issue with my my puppy, except that he looks like a massive, you know, he's like 100 pound just dumb, cute, adorable thing that terrorizes me every day. Okay, let's move on. So, I want you guys do is amazing. Because, you know, one, it's not it's not an easy thing to one, to live in recovery, and then to go out and talk about it. And that is what, right now the world needs. We need warriors, we need people having these conversations, to make it less of a stigma, right? Because, you know, for so long, there's so many things out there that people are like, Oh, don't talk about that in public don't and I still don't talk about religion, you know, politics and everything else. But this is a conversation that we all need to start having. And just really humanize and make it more, okay to be able to talk with people about it. Because if we did, more people would ask for help. They wouldn't hide it. For as long as people hide it. They would know where to go, right? So why don't you tell me a little bit about your journey to and again, whatever How much ever you want to share, but your journey to finding your voices? And do you know to become who you are today and what you're doing.

 

Lane Kennedy  07:18

Tamar? Why don't you start that off? Because it's been so long for me, you're closer to it.

 

Tamar Medford  07:22

Okay, no problem.

 

Lane Kennedy  07:24

And you're a corporate, right? You come from the corporate world,

 

Tamar Medford  07:27

I do. I do. I and I was very functioning towards the end. I mean, I, you know, started like a lot of people do drinking at the age of 14. And I just felt like I never belonged. And, you know, alcohol turned my life from, you know, black and white to color. That's the only way I can describe it. And I wanted more. And unfortunately, you know, in my 20s, I hit some very dark times, I think that was kind of where it was never enough. But then I thought, hey, you know what I gotta do what society tells me to do, I need to go to school, I need to get a good job, I need to get married by the car by the home. And so that's exactly what I did. And you know, I had a very good job. And I worked in corporate for about 28 years. And of course, they knew that I you know, was an alcoholic, it was no secret. But I think because I could come to work every day, I might have smelled like a brewery. But because I could show up. It was you know, the people that I worked for were under this, like, as long as you show up and you do the work well, it's okay, you know, you'll you'll be accepted here. And of course, there's such a culture of drinking in sales. I think you know, that it's still like that. But I remember, you know, it was just the norm to go out with your customers and get drunk. And, you know, do it again, the next day, go to trade shows. And towards the end, although everybody knew that I had a problem, because of course, at the company functions, I just let loose and I never remembered the end of them. And it always became a big joke. But I'm very fortunate, I had a few people who were really my friends in in my place of business and said, you know, you might have a problem. And of course, I didn't listen for a long time until I actually hit that spiritual bottom. And, you know, I was financially bankrupt, unhappily married, you know, all the things never gave me any sort of satisfaction or fulfillment in life. And I actually hired a personal trainer in the beginning and thought, well, if I lose 75 pounds, and I changed the way I look on the outside, people will love me more. I'm gonna be so happy, but it didn't fix the pain I felt on the inside. And that was I didn't like what I was doing. I wasn't happy in my marriage, my relationship. And so I actually began like, went on this six month journey of I went full on to the addiction of of fitness. And I had chicken broccoli and rice every single day. I would go to the gym seven days a week because I thought that's what would To make me happy and the cool part and how I ended up becoming sober as the woman I hired as a personal trainer was actually part of a 12 step recovery program. And partway through as you know, I would report how much I had had to eat all week and including, that was nine, nine drinks, I'd have nine beers on the weekend. And I was so proud, like, that was my happy, you know, look at me for a moment. And she had suggested, you know, I think you might have a problem. And this is what I do. And so I'm very fortunate that the business I worked for was very accepting, like they knew, and they were very supportive of it, they would try and plan other kinds of events that didn't involve alcohol. But of course, there was still that I just, I was very lucky that I came from that corporate world that was okay with me being sober and supported that aspect of my life. And, you know, becoming sober has changed everything, I found my purpose, I do what I love today, I was able to actually leave corporate, but I still talk to a lot of people and a lot of women who work in HR, on how they can start to support people who are sober or want to give up alcohol.

 

Leighann Lovely  11:08

And something that you said in there. I mean, that's an amazing story, because 11 years ago, it wasn't widely accepted. And knowing somebody, you know, businesses quite often just kind of, they didn't talk about it, if they knew it, it was a hush hush, you know, and if they found out about it, it was more like, okay, don't don't let anybody know that we know, because we don't want it to be known that we were allowing this. So it's amazing that you were in a situation where your employer, you know, helped you through that kept you and allowed you to continue to, you know, grow and and find other ways to, you know, other events because you're right, I'm I'm through and through sales, and it's events, evening events, they're at bars, they're at the first thing that everybody does is go and run and get their drink before they start networking. You know, and yeah, it's just but something else that you said, I'm switching addictions. In I have an addictive personality, I always have no I'm, you know, I'm not an alcoholic. But I, I'll go from one thing to the next. I remember I bought loose leaf tea. I became severely addicted to like loose leaf tea, and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I got and then I would spend like hundreds and hundreds of dollars. And then everybody's like, What do you mean? What? Are you going to drink all this? No. And I didn't drink at all it just it became an obsession. And then it was fine wines for me like, Oh, I'm gonna go and buy all these fine. Get a drink all this? Well, no, now I've got like 8 billion bottles of wine. They're gonna sit there and it's gonna take me 10 years to drink. Because right now my addiction is, you know, my most recent one is I love making resin art. Okay, so these aren't necessarily unhealthy. But I have an addictive? Well, I mean, I suppose you know, collecting hundreds of bottles of wine is probably not the most healthy. Anyways. So there, but it's it's completely true people who have those addictive personalities. And unfortunately, if it is drugs and alcohol, and those, it is very easy to you know, fall down that. And there's a lot of professionals who have it. And as soon as you give up that one addiction, it's so common that you watch that person slide into some other addiction. Working out seven days a week. I mean, it and you can you can watch people like all of a sudden you'll say to somebody, wow, you've lost 60 pounds. What are you doing? Oh, I'm just working out and come to find out when you hear their full story. You're like, oh, I never knew you were an alcoholic, or I never knew you were struggling with this. And then then you hear their full story and you're like, Oh, why didn't you tell? You know, why didn't you ask for help? Or? Right? I mean, in both you're laughing at my grandson. Anyway.

 

Lane Kennedy  14:30

Well, there's a couple of things here. LeighAnn now I know why we're friends. Absolutely. I have a huge tea collection. And my husband's always like, what are you doing? Like, what's the purpose of this? I'm like, I don't know. I just have to have more tea.

 

Leighann Lovely  14:45

So, yeah, I have a tea pot collection. I have a different sifter that I know.

 

Lane Kennedy  14:51

It's so important. And from the work that I do, you know, I would say you know your drdc which are genes that I look at when somebody comes to me and work with me about their behavior. And I would say you're all lit up, that's what I would say, just like I am, people who have addiction or have these snips is what we call them in my work. They just need more support. So we don't buy, you know, 10 pounds of loose leaf tea, or drink, you know, three bottles of wine every night. You know, it's here in America, I can't speak for Canada tomorrow. But here in America, we have, you know, about 14 million over 14 million people who are suffering from alcoholism, in the workplace. In the workplace, that's a lot of people in the workplace that's like one and 12 one and 13 people who are actively in their addiction, and 25% of them drink, like on the job during work hours. And I was one of those people. I, you know, come from the entertainment and fashion industry. I was at parties. I was working with designers, one of my designers says, you smell you have to go home, because that was literally reeking of vodka. And, you know, when you're kind of stuck in your alcoholic behavior, you don't you don't know. Like, I didn't know I had showered that day. I had done my hair that day, I had my heels on, I was looking good. I thought, but this designer said, No, you have to go home and like sleep it off. And I think that's something that a lot of people will ignore today is they'll just, Oh, it's fine. You know, like, whatever. And I'm really grateful because that designer gave me a moment for me to reflect on my life. Like, how dare you. Like, that was the beginning of like, questioning my drinking. I have a drinking problem. She just told me that I smell how's that possible. And so I drink and I use and I love drinking vodka, I love red wine. But after that moment, you know, after that designer said that I really kind of had to slow down and reevaluate, I became a, what we call a periodic drinker, where I would drink for a couple months and then stop. Maybe I would drink for a couple of weeks and then stop. And then it just, it just wasn't fun anymore. Just literally was not fun anymore, you know. So I'm grateful that I, by accident, stopped drinking, like it wasn't my plan to stop. Like that. Just it just happened, I say. And I jumped into recovery. And my life got exponentially better. Like I had a great career coming into it. But as soon as I found recovery, my career exploded, my life exploded. It was teknicks all the things that I didn't even know that I wanted, I started, you know, accumulating. And one of the the big things around, you know, addiction or alcoholism is is the stigma. Right? That we don't talk about it that we don't. It's like no, that's you're not going to bring that up into the light. And I just want people to hear that, you know, there's the American Disability Act that says you can talk about it, you can say, You know what, I need help. You can raise your hand and say I need help, and then that then you don't get fired. Like, I didn't get fired, because I actually went back to that designer and said, I think I have a problem. And they're like, oh, okay, great. So a lot of people don't even know that, that they you know, they think that they have to keep it quiet. So, I don't know, recovery is a great tool. It's it's, it lets us live our best lives. Like, don't we want to live that?

 

Leighann Lovely  18:57

Right. And in recent years, I believe now they have they they've actually made alcoholism, drug addiction, all of those specific wording has now become protected classes, just like mental health, just like so if you go to your employer and say, I have, you know, an addiction, or I have a, they, they can't they can't fire you for that. Because it is now just like, you know, if I were to go to my employer and say I have bipolar disorder, they can't say okay, well, we're gonna fire you because of that. Of course, I'm self employed. So, you know, that'd be myself firing me. Maybe I should fire myself. I don't know. No. So you know, and that's it. That's the whole point is that if you hide it, and you get fired for your behavior, and the you know, and then you go back and say, Well, no employer you can't fire me because I'm an alcoholic. It's too late at that point.

 

Lane Kennedy  20:02

Yeah, exactly.

 

Leighann Lovely  20:04

It's too late. If you go to your employer and say, I need to go into a recovery program, because I have a problem, that employer is now able to assist and help by offering you the time that you need, and your your job is then secure, so that you can go and take the time that you need to get the help that you need, and know that you have a position to come back to. And I don't know that people understand that. And I'm not you know, and again, I'm sure that there's employers out there going, oh, man, don't don't tell the masses. But this is this is a real thing. People stay quiet until it's too late.

 

Lane Kennedy  20:13

Because when people die, yes, what happens? People die. I mean, alcoholism is a deadly disease, addiction, substance use disorder, it's killer, and people die in their home alone, because they're too afraid to say, You know what, I have a problem. And they're too afraid of the stigma or the feedback, or somebody getting in trouble at work. And I think the pandemic, I mean, thank God in a lot of ways, and like, Thank God for the pandemic, because recovery came screaming out of the closet, you know, it's like, we have to recover together, we have to talk about this, you know, mental health, we have to be talking about it.

 

Leighann Lovely  21:34

Absolutely. And that's, you know, the I went through the, I went through a recovery program, Lee, and I think you and I talked about this. And again, it's been a long time since we last spoke, but I went through, I went through the 12 step program. And this was very early in, you know, I was in my early 20s. But I had not yet properly been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. And so after I went through, you know, the recovery, and my, my doctor told me, I will not treat you if you continue to abuse, alcohol, and drugs, and continue to do what you're doing. And I'm like, oh, yeah, but you know, when I'm not doing it, I can't stay in my own head. And he's like, okay, I get that. But in order to get you to a point of, of health, healthy living, you have to stop. So I went into recovery, I went into the program. Now I'm now I'm sober, I'm on, you know, fast forward, I'm on the proper medications. And I'm, I'm high functioning. And I said to my doctor, I don't believe I'm an alcoholic. And he goes, Well, we don't know. Do you want to risk it? I don't know if I do. So I didn't drink for a very long time. And then one day, I had a glass of wine, and I'm like, okay. Okay. I know, I'm a social drinker. But I'm also not, you know, I don't, I'm not an alcoholic. I don't, I don't have that drive or that. But I'm a rarity. For most people, once they crossed that threshold, they don't go back. For me, it was an underlying issue of mental health. And I needed to I, you know, again, I still I still have an addictive personality. But I never I the the reason that I had my alcohol and drug addiction was because of that underlying mental health issue. And my brain was just not functioning properly. For most people. Never once they've crossed that threshold. It's just better to walk away from it.

 

Lane Kennedy  23:56

Well, alcoholism is a mental, right? It's a mental disorder. Yeah. And a lot of people don't want to look at it that way. They don't want to think Oh, my God, I have a mental disorder. No, no, one more disorder. But really, like, alcoholism stems from, like, depression, anxiety right there. They're all kind of the same. You know, drinking is the medicine for the disorder that we suffer from. End of sentence period. We suffer from a mental illness. And for Tamara and I, we use alcohol. We don't take a substance. We don't take a pill. Right? So we suffer from this. Again, I look at the jeans. So I can look at them and say, okay, the OPR is off the dr. DS off the AP ones off. So those jeans, that body needs to get fed, somehow they need to get that information. So not everybody will, you know, pick up a glass of wine. Like like you're picking up the tea right? Hey, I like it's going to find a way to soothe it, so to speak. But some people will find recovery, and then they won't have to go around in that that constant loop. It gets rid this is such a big conversation here, LeAnn?

 

Leighann Lovely  25:18

So, so and I see now you're educating me on something. And I find that very interesting. And this is why you know, I love talking to people like you because so there are DNA indicators. Yes. That say that can you can actually read that say that this person is is more apt to become an alcoholic or is an alcoholic?

 

Lane Kennedy  25:47

I would say more inclined, if the environment you have to think about like your environment, it really it. It shapes who you are your environment, just think about that for a minute your environment, you can have the perfect life. But say you have a neighbor that's constantly pounding on the door next to you, that is going to drive you crazy, right? So that environment, your environment, is going to start feeding into like, you're going crazy. And then you want to do something that's the environment, the environment shapes you. I get the second

 

Leighann Lovely  26:28

I get the BB gun. Yeah,

 

Lane Kennedy  26:30

okay, you get the BB gun. Yes. Right? Which, so I'm not gonna say, Oh, I'm gonna look at your jeans. And I'm gonna say, I'm gonna call you an alcoholic? No, what I see are, you know, your jeans or your DNA? They could go sideways. They could be little rebel rousers in there, one gene is not going to be the answer, right? No, it's the whole your whole environment, your whole body, there's so many contributing factors that lead to somebody becoming an alcoholism.

 

Leighann Lovely  26:57

Almost like an autoimmune disease, which is in you. But it's an autoimmune disease is triggered by a series of, you know, events stress it can you know, I could I could have the all the indicators for an autoimmune disease, but it and here's why I bring that up. I have identical mirror image twin brothers, one of those twins, has both of them have the indicators for an autoimmune disease, only one has triggered it.

 

Lane Kennedy  27:24

Yep. And that would be in their genes. Correct. So I'd be able to look at that and be like, Oh, here it here's both of these sets of genes. This one has this and there's this one little snip that's different. And that's been triggered. Interesting. Yeah.

 

Leighann Lovely  27:38

That's, That, see, I find that completely and totally fascinating. Because, you know, and especially in twins, again, mirror image, identical twin brothers, which means that they're 100%, there is no differentiator between those two, they were created by the same egg, the same sperm. You know, I mean, they, when I was a little girl, they're three years older than me, I used to mix them up because they are so identical. That's awesome. Right? So but one has triggered it, the other one has?

 

Lane Kennedy  28:15

Yep, that's exactly right.

 

Leighann Lovely  28:18

And that comes down to, you know, stress, and one has more gray hair than the other one. At the why is that? Well, because life happens. And when life happens, it changes the way that our body reacts. And so one may have more stress than the other one, therefore, he's going gray faster. He's also got two kids, you know, that are. Okay, if there's ever a study that wants to be done on why we our bodies change in a certain way, or at a different rates, produce some mirror image, or produce identical twins and see how they grow up. Because, yeah, that's that I find that completely fascinating. Okay, so, obviously, and this is another great case study, because, you know, employees now coming forward and talking about this kind of stuff. It's, we're, we're literally in. And I suppose every generation, every generation has said, we're in a pivotal moment of changing the landscape of the way that we look at humans and trying to really push, you know, that we're humanizing humans and we're not putting them all into this bucket of, okay, you know, you this is the way that you're supposed to act at this given time. We're now looking at individuals in the workplace. We're trying, we're trying to make that shift, right. How do you think that this is really going to impact our workforce going forward? I mean, As far as helping them versus penalizing them, do you think it's going to make a huge change? Tomorrow? I see you coming off of mute. So why don't you go first?

 

Tamar Medford  30:13

Absolutely. I mean, you know, part of the reason I never wanted to talk about it is because of the stigma. You know, because I had always heard that you have to have had a traumatic childhood to become an alcoholic or an addict. Now, it runs in my family, right. But again, my family suffers from depression, anxiety, you know, my dad is very open about it with me now. And I think in the workplace, if we can, you know, create an environment where people can actually say how they feel, and we have leaders in business that understand and are emotionally intelligent themselves, then that will create or foster that openness, that vulnerability. And I think, you know, a lot of people that I talked to that don't understand that they don't maybe know anybody directly that's been affected by addiction, which is very rare, because at some events, when they ask people, you know, who here has been touched by addiction, a lot of people put up their hands. But, you know, I still have people once in a while that I meet, that haven't really experienced anybody that they really love that has gone through this, having that compassion and that empathy. Because, you know, I mean, I've had people say, you know, why, why, why do you drink so much? Why can't you stop? Why can't you just have one glass of wine? And it's hard to explain, because they don't like my partner has maybe one alcoholic drink a month, and it still baffles me. Right. But, you know, I think if they can change the culture in the workplace, to having events that don't always have to involve alcohol and understanding it more, I think that's, you know, if you don't know anybody that's had it, right, you're I know, lots of people will look at people who are homeless and say, Oh, that bomb. And like, we're trying to teach our kids that when you look at someone, there's a story behind that person, right? You can't just judge right away, you have to have empathy. And maybe there's something else at play here. So I think really educating people as well, in the workforce of what it's like, you know, because I'm sure that somebody who is judgmental about it Ratan right now and believes that stigma, if they're their husband, their wife, their kids, they developed addiction, or they became an addict or an alcoholic, I'm sure their perception would change, because now it's affecting them directly. And I think we we only take the time to understand when we're in that, that, you know, oh, no, now it's affecting me directly, but we have to be proactive.

 

Leighann Lovely  32:47

Right, and, and the number of people and I've argued this with, you know, other other podcasts, you know, we talk about mental, it being a mental health, you know, thing being a mental health issue. You know, we talk about neuro diversity. So, everything's falling into now, you know, under the, the, are you neurodiverse, or, you know, there's all of these different things now that are following falling under that category. And I think statistically, that, you know, the amount of people that they say, who are now considered to be neurodiverse was like, it was a really low number. And I truly believe that that number of people who fought would fall in the bucket of being neurodiverse shouldn't it is like, probably like 70% of the population. And the only reason that the studies are so off because they think it was like 30%, or something. The only reason that that number is off is because most of Americans do not disclose in any way. Because if you truly think about it, and I have these conversations all the time, and I because I'm so open about the fact that I have bipolar disorder, I had an uncle who died of alcoholism. I have, you know, alcoholism throughout my entire family. I know, I have a dear friend of mine, whose partner is an alcoholic. I I also live in Milwaukee, like the capital drinking state of the world, where we have fests that are all about beer. It's so it's where I grew up, you know, there's the joke that if you know, if you have we went to college, you probably have an OWI it's not really a joke. It's, it's sad. That you know, we I grew up in a in a place where it's just it was so normal that the adults around you were drinking a beer and by the time you were 12, you probably have the taste of you know, alcohol by that time. You had a point. Anyways, neurodiverse. It's if everybody disclosed, it, that number would be like, we would be the majority.

 

Lane Kennedy  35:13

It's just people don't out of fear out of, I think there's a lack of awareness of what, what neurodivergent means. I mean, I have a 13 year old who is not neurodivergent, I had no idea what that meant, right? Until I went through this process of learning and understanding what is happening to him. And I would have never gone through that if I was not, you know, having carrying a kid or wasn't curious. Like a lot of people and resources, I have the resources to go down that path and to discover what was happening, right, people are kind of, like, in their own little box in their own little worlds. You know, we're becoming the loneliest nation in the world right now. And, um, tomorrow, again, I'm speaking about the US. And it's a sad we're at, we're kind of in a sad state right now. You know, and so people who are suffering from neuro divergence, or who see the world a little bit differently, you know, it's a time for us to come together and build start building community, start building connection with others. And that's one of the greatest gifts of recovery is that we have recovery communities, you know, there's Buddhist recovery, there's yoga recovery, there's 12, step recovery, there's all types of different recovery, where we can go find support and be in community and not isolation, because neuro divergence, right? It's a little tiny box, whether you're suffering from autism, I had a client last year, you know, we through working together, we figured out that she has, she's autistic. And she was like, Oh, my God, this is so I'm so relieved. Right? And then she was able to get into her a community. And she's just grown as a human being. I mean, it's incredible what's happened. So it's like, saying, you know, questioning, like, what's going on with me? Like, I'm a little bit different, I see the world a little bit differently, and then talking, opening up and talking to others about that. So you can start to find your people, so to speak. You know, that is like, where we need to start healing, not only in the workplace, but in our own neighborhoods, right, our own schools, our own our own cities, we have to start connecting

 

Leighann Lovely  37:37

The problem. One is that it's your right, we don't openly talk about it enough. But and, again, this is a US thing. Sorry. The medical medical institutes have made it so difficult. Yeah. Yeah, to get the help that you need. Yeah. I mean, I call and I make an appointment. And I'm like, you know, having a really bad headache, and it's been consistent and consistent. And the doctor literally walks in and goes, Okay, so you're having headaches? Okay, well, here, I can probably give you a prescription for blah, blah, blah, anything else? And I'm like, no, no, wait a second, I want to know why. I don't want to put a bandaid on it, and take a medication for it. I want the why.

 

Lane Kennedy  38:27

So that we can they don't know, they don't know that, right?

 

Leighann Lovely  38:31

We're not treating, we're not treating the problem. We're treating the symptoms. And that has become like, that is a problem. When we just constantly throw medication or throw a, you know, well, if you do this or do that. That falls on our Medical Institute, who basically is overbooking because the more patients they see, the more they get paid, which means that doctors are not spending time with their patients at all. Right? Not to mention insurance companies are driving who you're allowed to see. So I've had to switch doctors like five times. So they don't know me. They don't know my medical history. And regardless of whether or not they helped me, I have to pay them. So I don't get to say, Yeah, this was a really shitty oil change. I'm not paying you. Well, you know what I mean? So I had to get a new psychiatrist because I'm on meds for my bipolar. I didn't like him. So I said, and again, nothing against him. He was a really brilliant person just didn't jive with my personality. I I called and I said, you know, I'm not going to make another appointment. I would like to request a different doctor. They got all upset. Well, what do you mean? No, you need to get his permission to get a different doctor. I said, Why would I need his permission to request a different doctor? What is wrong with our? I mean, come on, why? Why? I'm like, why, why? And then he explained to me, well, we don't want somebody, you know, seeking out medicine or Dr. Jumping. I'm like, okay, I get that. But the answer is simple. I don't like him. Well, we still have to get his permission. So then they have to go back to him and say, well, she doesn't really like you.

 

Lane Kennedy  40:38

Yeah, the system is broken, the system is broken. It's really broken here in the States, Canada, not as broken.

 

Tamar Medford  40:45

It is it is still broken. But not quite as badly. Yes, I will. Second.

 

Lane Kennedy  40:50

Yeah. I think being an advocate, right, we all have to advocate for ourselves. And if we're not doing that, then we're part of the problem. So again, I just go back to we have to stand up, we have to connect with others, we have to start telling the truth, even if we're super afraid of it. Like, I have to tell the truth today. Otherwise, I am doomed to a life of isolation. Forget it. Forget it. Yeah.

 

Tamar Medford  41:21

Yeah. And I feel that there needs to be more resources. For people I mean, here. It there's such a lot like it's such a long waitlist to get in to go see a doctor for you know, an MRI or something like that, or, like example is one of the girls needs a new psychologist while on a waitlist, it's been eight months. And so they're not getting the help or support that they need. And there's so many people out there and kids, especially, you know, so when it comes to addiction, like they're not getting the help they need, what do you think they're going to turn to, they're gonna go to school, their friends, gonna give them, you know, some alcoholic beverage, and they're gonna say, Oh, this makes me feel better. And there we go. And you know, the science says, if you start drinking before the age of 21, you know, one in four people will develop a substance abuse issue, if you hold off till after 21. It's one and 25. And so, you know, if you just look at that alone, the lack of resources for people out there right now, like we have to start being more proactive.

 

Leighann Lovely  42:30

I did not know that statistic. That's Wow.

 

Lane Kennedy  42:37

Yeah, it's stunning, right? It's really, really stunning. That's why I think that's why Tamar and I talk so much to moms and, you know, we laugh about our recovery, you know, laughing without liquor. It's fun, it's upbeat. We're talking about real subject matter. But we talk about our kids. You know, I have a 13 year old and if I had to talk to him about fentanyl, I had to talk to him about drugs. You know, this is the world that we live today. But because I'm in recovery, which is awesome. Right? I have that capacity. When I was drinking and using. I just didn't have it. I just couldn't, I would have never been able to.

 

Leighann Lovely  43:16

So what about about legalizing marijuana?

 

Lane Kennedy  43:24

Tamar? What about legalizing cocaine

 

Tamar Medford  43:27

Yeah, Canada here talk about

 

Leighann Lovely  43:31

I'm sorry, Canada.

 

Tamar Medford  43:34

They have decriminalized criminalized it. So of course, just like when marijuana was decriminalized up here before it actually became legal. There was these little shops that started popping up. And so I have heard that there's a couple shops now that they're actually selling cocaine, they're not supposed to be because you can't, you know, you can't. It's when you get arrested with a small amount. It's not as big of a deal, but it's insane. And the whole marrow. It yeah, there's an author called Judy, Judy gazelle. And she wrote a book the experience in neuroscience of addiction. And she actually, I had interviewed her for my Summit, and she talks about marijuana being the most addictive drug because it's the only drug that lights up every part of your brain and you know, we have 218 year old twins, one of them who they're both neurodivergent but one who's cognitively at a 1012 year old level. She has her friends telling her no just smoke this joint like marijuana is not harmful for you. In fact, hemp is healthy well maybe the hemp part is the you know, the THC part is not and it's no wonder why everything just seems better when you smoke a joint so I don't. I'm kind of it's hard to talk to that. Because for me personally as someone who is addicted to a lot even chicken strips Lee I'm so don't feel bad about your tea last year was chicken strips for me. You know, it's it's hard to, you know, legalizing marijuana I just I feel like people need again to be educated more. Right.

 

Lane Kennedy  45:15

And for marijuana there is a gene that if it's sideways, you know, you're going to be more addicted to it. Some people have that and they can smoke and they're like, I don't want it. Right.

 

Leighann Lovely  45:28

Well, and, you know, the the impact that that has to, to businesses, you know, I've seen it obviously being on the HR side being on the staffing side. How is that affecting companies, and what I have seen now is that they are no longer testing for marijuana, which means that it's more likely that somebody's going to come in intoxicated. And you can't test to see if they are intoxicated at that moment, or if they smoked it two days ago. So that's another controversial, you know, thing that, of course, is been popping up, despite the, you know, the unknowns about what it could or could not do to one's body or to children's brains. You know, we talked about the the implication of a child smoking that before their, you know, certain age or drinking before a certain age, what are the implications of a child smoking something that could alter their brain chemistry before a certain age, or just alter the brain chemistry. For at any age, you know.

 

Lane Kennedy  46:46

The body is this big chemistry, right? It's a factory, right? And we're putting things into it, we have this beautiful set of DNA, that is going to work. And remember, the environment and what we put in, are going to be affecting all of that DNA all the time. So if you're a child, and you're smoking, if you're an adult, and you're smoking, right, you're affecting the chemistry of your body, which then affects your mood, it affects your sleep, it affects your weight, it affects your relationships, right? It affects everything. So and I don't think this is where the education part comes in. Right? We don't talk about our body and the chemistry and what we eat, we just say eat a fruit, drink some milk, eat a sandwich, right? Nobody talks about our, you know, what, how the body operates. So I think we're doing a huge disservice for our children, you know, in school, by not educating them properly about how the human body operates, and what's needed for it to properly work, you know, all the mental illness that we have in the world right now. We don't it's, it's, it's because we're not feeding the body properly. 100% with that, so 100%

 

Leighann Lovely  48:02

And I also, I've been one of those people who, you know, here's my little conspiracy theorists theory. So. So, since I've been young, I've been on one type of medication, you know, as a young young child, they're like, Oh, she suffers from depression. And they were feeding me antidepressants, which probably was swinging into a manic episode and Yeti anyways. So, I, at one time write about our water filtration systems, the water that goes into our home, right? Yeah. So they regularly update those filtration systems to try to get rid of, you know, all of the stuff that goes into the water in the ground, or, you know, into the ground and blah, blah, blah. But here's, here's something that they don't, and can't possibly keep up on. All of these new drugs that all of these pharmaceutical companies are constantly producing and making when somebody doesn't use all of those drugs, and they decide, oh, here, I'm gonna flush them down the toilet, which regularly happens even though the drug companies are like, don't do that. Bring them back to us. While it's irritating, I'm just gonna flush them down the toilet, it still happens. We're still or they get somehow into a landfill and that's ended up ends up back in our Okay. Now I'm drinking the water which is filled with all these antibiotics and all of these other psychotropics and all of these other drugs. That is changing our brain chemistry 100% How is that not partially the cause of the rise in the amount of people who have mental health issues who have all persons other issues? The same thing with why is it seemed like everybody is taller than me? All of these kids are popping out that are way taller than me. I don't know what they're feeding these animals hormones. I don't know. That's my conspiracy therary.

 

Lane Kennedy  49:59

Oh, it's so great. So a lot of times I will I want to work with client, I will just have them go to the Environmental Working Group, right, and they can put in their zip code. And they can look at their water and see what's in their water. And a lot of times the water is 100% toxic, and they graded A through F, what kind of toxicity to your point about the medications. All of it's in there, if there's construction going on in the city, which here I live in San Francisco, there's a lot of construction here. So there's a lot of runoff down into the sewage, right? There's, there's a lot. So I always suggest that people, you know, get filter, osmosis, right? Just do it. Because our skin is our biggest organ, we are taking in all those chemicals, which is going to be down regulating our beautiful blueprint, that DNA that I talked about earlier, you know, and I don't want my kids suffering, right? I don't I don't want my neighbor suffering. I don't want my friends don't want you guys suffering, right. So just do yourself a favor, to Leon's point, go over to the environment in Ew, g.org. And you can just plug in and check out it's a free resource. You don't have to pay anything. But you can just educate yourself. On you know, empowerment Knowledge is power when it comes to our own being it's advocating for yourself. Yeah, I'm really passionate about that.

 

Leighann Lovely  51:19

Yeah. Oh, I can hear it in your voice. So we are coming to time. I'm looking at the clock. And we are actually at time and I want to respect your time. So I have a question of the season. No, to have both of you jump on that. What would you change about your job or the practice that people have in your role, if you could?

 

Lane Kennedy  51:42

Well, that's a good question.

 

Tamar Medford  51:44

I feel like I've just finally landed in a career over the last couple of years, that completely fulfills me. And it's because they give us the time we need, you know, we work four day workweeks, because that gives us back some control of our time. If there's personal issues, they give us the time, we need to deal with those issues. And they ask Are you okay? So I would say I've never really had it to this degree before. But if if that was if I wasn't getting that that's definitely what I need. But I didn't realize I needed it until I started getting it. So I hope that answers your question.

 

Leighann Lovely  52:25

Absolutely. That's awesome.

 

Lane Kennedy  52:27

I need you to repeat it. Yeah, I need you to repeat the question again, because I'm mulling it around.

 

Leighann Lovely  52:32

So what would you change about your job or the practice that people have in your, in your role your job, If you could do?

 

Lane Kennedy  52:42

Nothing? That's beautiful. Yeah, nothing. I'm super grateful for what I do and, and how I show up in the world and how the people around me are able to show up. Yeah, and that's what I want for others, you know, is I want people to show up and be their best self and to live in their bodies and feel comfortable and safe. Yeah.

 

Leighann Lovely  53:05

When you get to a point where you can say that, you know, that you've, you know, that you've 100% I mean, I I think there are a few people out there that that can can truly say nothing and but that is the that's the goal, right to to find your you know, find your place to find your happy spot to be fulfilled. So that's awesome. If I'm, If my guess or my guess, is I'm just not on the ball today. If my audience would like to reach out to you how would they go about doing that?

 

Tamar Medford  53:51

The easiest way is without liquor. I love it when Lane sings it.

 

Lane Kennedy  53:57

That's laughingwithoutliquor.com, Laughing without liquor, on social on the website. That's really the best place laughing without liquor or lanekennedy.com, for me. Tamar?

 

Tamar Medford  54:14

Laughing without Liquor

 

Leighann Lovely  54:16

Awesome. Awesome. Thank you ladies. This has been such a fun conversation. I really enjoy it.

 

Lane Kennedy  54:22

Thanks so much for having us.

 

Tamar Medford  54:24

Thank you.

 

Leighann Lovely  54:26

Thank you again for listening to Let's Talk HR. I appreciate your time and support without you the audience this would not be possible. So don't forget that if you enjoyed this episode to follow us like us or share us. Have a wonderful day.

Mark Schneider is a true "Do and I Do", not "Do and I Say", kind of owner. He leads by example so that all the people that work at his company understand that they are there for a common purpose. To get the job done well and on time for their customers while still making it home on time to be with their families. We can all learn a little from this amazing conversation. 

 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Music from Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/cruen/family-time License code: 2330NZD3BLNDKPY

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

addiction, alcoholic, recovery, life, drinking, day, alcoholism, tamar, drink, suffering, alcohol, years, marijuana, people, drugs, change, talk, give, stigma, sober