Caregiving: An Interview with Peter Rosenberger

Today Cinthia welcomes Peter Rosenberger to talk about his newest book, A Minute For Caregivers: When Every Day Feels Like Monday.  As his website www.hopeforthecaregiver.com explains, Peter has been a caregiver to his wife Gracie for about four decades now since a tragic car accident at age 17 changed the direction of her life.  Gracie has had more than 85 surgeries at this point, including the amputation of both legs below the knee, and continues to face daunting medical challenges.  (In fact, she and Peter will be spending this Christmas in the hospital.)  Gracie has started a prosthetic limb outreach to amputees in West Africa called Standing With Hope and has continued her music career despite her ongoing challenges.  Peter, meanwhile, in addition to caring for Gracie’s practical needs, working with doctors, hospitals, and insurance companies, and grappling with millions of dollars in medical bills, has started a ministry to other caregivers called Hope for the Caregiver.  He initially introduced a book by that name, has a podcast with 800 episodes to date, and regularly keeps engagements and media interviews.  Peter has accompanied Gracie’s music and performs his own music, as well.  His most recent book is a set of encouraging essays for caregivers who (as Peter knows) may not have large amounts of time to devote to reading but who commonly struggle with isolation and the loss of their own independence and identity.  His conversation with Cinthia brims with hope and encouragement, partly because it so honestly acknowledges the ongoing pain and the difficult prognosis that impacts his life with Gracie.  Although, unfortunately, the first segment of today’s show fell to technical difficulties, the remaining segments of the show are available intact and packed with hope.

Peter encourages caregivers to increase their situational awareness and to care for themselves appropriately.  He emphasizes that the caregiving relationship is often lifelong and emphasizes that the recipients of care need their caregivers to remain alive and healthy, which means the caregivers must have their own care and also care for themselves.  He also emphasizes that, while these difficult situations often have no end outside of death, even that end is not the end because Jesus has won over death.  He emphasizes that the Gospel is either real or it’s not, and that understanding the Gospel gives meaning to the most difficult life situations.  Jesus is called “Immanuel” in the Bible, which means “God With Us.”  Peter explains, “We can’t go to Him.  He has to come to us.”  Peter encourages caregivers to acknowledge the weariness and the heavy-laden status that comes with their role and to learn over time to truly rest in Jesus.  He asks, “Do you believe Him or not?  And how would you or anybody else know?”  His book is full of such “bedrock principles that I’ve learned through this process,” which he offers to help other caregivers also learn “how to stay with this and be healthy at the same time.”  Peter talks about the “FOG of caregivers”- the fear, obligation, and guilt that can be ever-present; he encourages slowing down in response to such “FOG” just as one would slow down when driving in literal fog.  He encourages, “Don’t try to look too far ahead or live in the wreckage of the future,” and urges caregivers not to “drive” in such “FOG” so fast that they cannot “slam on the brakes” when needed.

Peter describes playing the piano on his own after having accompanied Gracie for so long and realizing that he was no longer playing the song’s melody because he was used to Gracie doing that part.  This, he said, is exactly what happens to caregivers over time – they lose their own voices and begin to talk and think in terms of what kind of day the other person is having, what “we” are facing, etc.  He encourages caregivers to relearn how to speak in the first-person singular, to embrace Jesus’s love for them and not just for their loved ones, and to watch the movie The King’s Speech to observe the deep importance of having your own voice.  He also encourages engaging in realism, legitimate mourning (which involves accepting the brokenness for what it is and trusting God in it), tears, and humor, recalling his own tribute to Jeff Foxworthy in which he outlined the signs that “you might be a caregiver.”  God, notes Peter, is personal and intimate.  He is Lord, even when life is painful and difficult and “every day feels like Monday.”  He can teach even the caregiver to rest in Him.  He concludes that caregivers and their loved ones should acknowledge their pain and cry their tears but also emphasizes, “We do not have to be miserable.”  Peter’s book is available any place books are sold and is also available in audible, which he read himself.  It can be a helpful gift for pastors and counselors as well as traditional caregivers.