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Hey there, friends and fellow parents. Welcome back to my blog. It's the number one place to be for all things baby and child sleep. I'm going to be talking about the topic of crying and sleep training. And make sure you stick around to the end because I'll be revealing the biggest myth on this topic of crying and sleep training.
Let's dive in and talk about this - CRYING. Babies cry, humans cry. We all cry at times. And that's okay. We're allowed to cry. But what does it mean and how does it relate to sleep training? We hear from lots of parents who really want to help their baby or young child to sleep better, but their number one fear is - I can't handle any crying. I get it. Oh my goodness, I'm the world's worst. If one of my children cried when they were babies, I remember in the car, if they were crying I would feel so stressed. My stress levels would go up here. I'd be like, I've got to make it stop. I've got to make it stop.
Actually that's how we're wired. Especially as mothers, mother nature wired us this way to respond to the needs of our young. It's quite natural for us to feel a little bit flustered and like we've got to fix it when our babies cry. However, if we know what it actually means, and if we know what the crying is actually about, it's far less stressful and you can be more calm. After all, crying is a form of communication. It's a form of communicating a need of some sort and to get a response. That's why babies cry. Otherwise, they just wouldn't do it. Like in the sad story of the orphanage analogy where the babies cry and nobody comes, so eventually they learn not to cry anymore because there's no one coming. That's a really sad concept and actually, that's the definition of cry it out. No one comes, eventually you learn not to cry anymore.
This is not what sleep training is because sleep training, or coaching, is actually a form of parenting. It's a parenting approach to helping a child sleep better. That's all it is. Now, when you teach your child anything, you don't just expect them to do it or ignore them until they figure it out. You don't ignore them until they figure out how to use the potty. You don't ignore them until they figure out how to read or ride a bike. You help them and you show them the way, because that's what parenting is. It's guidance, it's support, it's demonstrating, it's supporting them as they learn something. It's no different to sleep. So cry it out is ignorance. It's ignoring. It's non-responsive. Everything that we teach and any sleep coach or consultant that I would ever support will teach you a responsive approach.
Now, I don't care how it gets dressed up. Some people will dress it up as sleep training and others will say that sleep training is bad but you need to do this holistic thing. It's all the same. If you are consciously and actively choosing how to help your little one go to sleep. Call it what you like. But if it's responsive, as in, if you are not ignoring your little one, but you've found the right way to respond to them for them, the unique individual, because it's different for every baby and child. What works for one won't work for another. If you've found the way to respond to your little one in a way that's conducive to helping them to sleep better, to take longer stretches and to develop at the rate that's just right for them at their age and their developmental stage as well, then you are effectively coaching them or training them. You are helping them with their sleep.
You're responding. You're not ignoring them. And if they cry, that's fine. What do they mean? What do they need? How do we address that in the right way? So when people say, but will my baby cry? Will my baby cry, because I just can't handle any crying. Does your baby cry now? I hope so, because that's completely normal. It's natural.
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