What is the Concept of ‘Home’, Really?

Dr. Rob does a solo episode this week to talk about the concept of home and what it means to us and how it differs from people who aren’t addicts. No matter where you are, home is meant to be a safe place, but for addicts, it’s a place we run away from. If you grew up in an environment where home was hell, then it makes sense why you never want to go back there. Dr. Rob discusses how you can rebuild and really find ‘HOME’. 

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[1:45] Let’s talk about the concept of home. 

[2:30] Why do addicts keep running away from home?

[4:20] Home is not what kind of furniture you have or what kind of car you drive, or your computer. Home is the people you come home to or that place where you feel like you’re at peace. 

[4:50] If you have an intimacy disorder, you’re not going to be able to maintain the home you’ve created for yourself as an adult. 

[5:30] We deeply love the homes we create, but we’re broken people and we’re unable to stay there. 

[6:25] The minute something goes wrong, we run away. We live double lives. 

[7:10] While you’re starving for connection, behind you there is a banquet waiting for you. 

[10:45] We often don’t see what’s right in front of us.  

[15:10] It makes sense why you want to run away from home. If you grow up in a nightmare, why would you want to stay there as an adult?

[18:00] Going ‘home’ for the holidays was just a crazy concept. Home was a scary and unsafe place.

[22:30] You can only have one life. Do you want to spend it just running away from everything that’s important to you? 

[23:00] How can we make home a joyful and exciting place to be? 

[25:30] When we get caught for our bad behavior, home ends up being another unsafe place for us. But this time, instead of running away, you need to fight your way back to it. 

[26:55] It’s taken Dr. Rob years to stop running.

[29:10] How do you find and rebuild connection again? 

[32:00] Your life is going to change for the better. Just put in the work.

[33:25] The most important word is ‘Home’. 

 

RESOURCES: 

The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

 

QUOTES:

• “Home is the most sacred place in our lives, no matter what kind of foundation that means for us.”
• “What addicts and those who cheat and/or are unfaithful do, we leave home like everybody else, but then we never come back.”
• “The nature of an intimacy disorder means you’re constantly running away from home. Constantly looking for intensity and distractions because you can’t deal with home.”
• “Healthy people don’t have to live a double life.”