Understanding ACE’s (Adverse Childhood Experiences) with Dr. Tian Dayton

Dr. Tian Dayton is a Senior Fellow at The Meadows and she has also authored 15 books on the subject of recovery, trauma, addiction, and more. Dr. Tian is the director of the New York Psychodrama Training Institute and served on the faculty at NYU for eight years as a psychodrama teacher. In Dr. Tian’s latest book, The Soulful Journey of Recovery, she says that “All of us who have been touched, directly or indirectly, by chemical or behavioral addictions and related mental health disorders can benefit from this continuing journey of self-awareness and recovery.”

 

TAKEAWAYS:

[2:25] What is sociometry and how does it help patients? 

[4:15] Who should read Dr. Tian’s book, The Soulful Journey of Recovery?

[6:35] Finally, people are finally realizing that trauma is a medical problem! 

[7:30] Dr. Rob shares an example of how childhood trauma carries over into adult life. 

[11:20] When we run into the ability to have our needs met, we also run into all of our fears. 

[12:30] Dr. Tian wants to tell couples not to worry about years of unrest. It’s to be expected! 

[15:35] Children are unable to psychologically see their parents failing. They blame themselves and this is where a lot of shame and low self-esteem come from. 

[16:55] Do you keep picking unavailable people? 

[18:55] Dr. Tian recommends to use the book but to also go into a 12-step program. They’re free! 

[19:25] As a therapist, Dr. Tian believes 52% of the work has already been done the moment you walk through the door. 

[23:25] Our biggest challenge we’re facing today is our lack of community. 

[30:45] Isolation is how you punish people. When it happens in your home, it becomes incredibly hard to detect where the true trauma happens. 

[31:00] How can couples overcome their childhood traumas? 

[33:30] Sense of self can get lost in the relationship as you get closer, but if you let go of that fear, you end up having a stronger self. 

 

RESOURCES: 

The Porn Panic: Is Porn a ‘Public Health Crisis’?

Sex and Relationship Healing

@RobWeissMSW

Sex Addiction 101 

Seeking Integrity

Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men 

Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency

Tiandayton.com

The Soulful Journey of Recovery by Dr. Tian Dayton

Healthy.kaiserpermanente.org

Elizabeth Smart

 

QUOTES:

• “What increases doctor visits? And they did not expect to find that what increases doctor’s visits are traumatic experiences.”
• “One of the top traumas that kept popping up was growing up with parents who were addicted.”
• “Early childhood trauma can lead to problems in adult life. There still seems to be a stigma in our culture that ‘you should have worked through that.’”
• “When we had parents who hurt us deeply and rejected us deeply, then our childhood fantasies don’t become lived through and made mature.”
• “It’s so easy to point at the person who is acting out, but if you want to get through and have a marriage, you both are going to have to self-examine.”