Carol Juergensen Sheets, Coach, Columnist, Therapist and Speaker joins the show today to talk about her best selling workbook and roadmap, Help. Her. Heal, written to help both betrayed partners and addicts overcome the trauma associated with infidelity. She and Rob talk about her focus on empathy towards the betrayed partner, and resources within the workbook where couples can start rebuilding trust and intimacy. Carol is always one step ahead in the field, and spreads her message to thousands using her coaching, videos, books, and podcasts.
TAKEAWAYS:
[2:28] Many times sex addicts struggle with truly feeling empathatic towards the partner they betrayed. Carol’s techniques and formulas help the addict learn to acknowledge pain, validate the partner’s feelings, and reassure that things in the future will be different. When we work from the premise that the sex addict is the one responsible for the pain, we can start to rebuild (or build) empathy, and it is a cyclical dance of healing for both.
[5:32] Carol describes her formula for empathy and building trust:
[11:34] After a betrayal, it may not always get back to normal right away or even ever at all. It is important that both parties stick through the process and continue to do their best to be honest and vulnerable.
[11:51] Carol explains that out of every trauma that anyone can go through, partner betrayal ranks very high towards the top. A trauma bond occurs and if not worked through, the partner will most likely not be able to trust again.
[13:02] Healing isn’t an overnight process. It may take the same amount of time in healing for betrayal as it does for an addict to heal their brain, sometimes even over 3-5 years.
[18:40] Working on the relationship provides an opportunity for parents to show their children what it looks like when two adults trust, respect, and listen to each other.
[23:11] Help. Her. Heal is something the addict will read and buy, but the betrayed partner is encouraged to be in on the work as well. It will work best when they use it and apply the principles together. The work can also be shared with any therapist or clinician the couple is working with.
[24:55] Carol has the oldest running podcast in the field of sexual addiction and partner betrayal on the internet.
RESOURCES:
Sex and Relationship Healing
@RobWeissMSW
Sex Addiction 101
Cruise Control: Understanding Sex Addiction in Gay Men
Prodependence: Moving Beyond Codependency
Rob@sexandrelationshiphealing.com
Out of the Doghouse
Help. Her. Heal
BlogTalkRadio -- Carol the Coach
Carol the Coach
Carol the Coach YouTube
Patrick Carnes
APSATS
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